Tantastic

In an effort to make myself feel a little better about the whole summer thing

I've taken to working on my tan

The weather here is starting to improve

So there is no need for knits and fleeces any more

Which is a shame because I love wrapping up on cold winter days

The one thing that I hate about summer 

Is the fact that less clothes are necessary

But I always feel better about myself if I have a colour

So I signed up for 100 minutes in the sun shower of my local leisure centre

I've already used 45 minutes in 3 days

As you know

I don't do things by halves 

The other reason I was dreading summer

Was because of my toe

This tie has given me no end of trouble over the years

What with in grown nails 

Growing in the wrong direction

And generally not doing what a big toe is supposed to do

After years of hiding my toes 

And pretending there is nothing wrong with it

I finally showed my doctor said toe on Tursday

He took one look at it

And said it would have to come off

The nail that is 

Not the toe

Even though the whole procedure sounds horrific

I am actually glad that something is finally being done about it 

At last I will be able to get all my toes out and not scare small children with its grossness

I would show you a photo of said toe

But I don't want to put you off your breakfast

In recovery 

You hear a lot about self care

Looking after yourself

Mentally

Physically

And spiritually

In the midst of addiction or an ED

Self care is not high on your list of priorities

You are generally too busy trying to kill your self 

They also say that you need to be a bit selfish

And put yourself first

This does not come very easily for me

As I am a natural people pleaser

I want to please people

I want to be liked

And I want people to think well of me

But this can back fire

As people pleasers can be rather annoying

But I am starting to look after myself

By getting my teeth done

Getting my toe done

Going to meetings

Going to therapy

Keeping my side of the street clean as it were 

Taking care of myself is a new phenomenon 

I spent years abusing myself

I didn't care about me or my health

I can remember being down in my sisters house

She would always have supplements and vitamins and health aids out on the counter

I remember thinking why would you bother?

What is the point?

But now I can see that she was taking care of her health

And that is great

I'm just not quite there yet

My body image changes from day to day

From minute to minute

Sometimes I catch my reflection in a mirror 

And I think I look grotesque

Other times I see something that approaches ok

 My weight is holding steady

Fluctuating a kilo either way

If I am honest

I would love to be 5 pounds lighter

But I know it's a dangerous game yo think like that

My BMI is stable at about 20

Just about healthy 

And I am ok with that

I am trying to do little things to help me feel better about my body

The tanning

Wearing pretty and comfortable clothes

Exercising 

Doing my hair

My nails 

All these things make me feel a little bit better

I was wondering about you

How is your body image?

What do you do to improve your body image?

Are you like me and find summer difficult?

Inquiring minds want to know.....