Are you addicted?

Yesterday was the first time in forever that I missed a day posting 

I did try to

But the blogger app on my phone wasn't playing ball

So it didn't happen

But anyway

On to todays topic

I was at a meeting last night

It's my sisters home group

So I called in to her on the way

And we went together

It was an AA meeting

And there was quite a big crowd there

My friend was there 

The guy who has an ED

He slept through the whole meeting

But who am I to judge 

I've often done the same myself

There was a woman doing the top table 

And she shared her experience of addiction and recovery

I was delighted to see a woman doing it

As more often than not it is a man

And boy do men love to talk

Especially when they have a captive audience

I have seen men speak for a full hour when they are given the chance

So I was glad to get a female perspective

The speaker was great

I could identify a lot

She spoke about how she has other addictions too

I could really relate to that

After the meeting 

The woman told me a bit about herself

And mentioned that she had a shopping addiction

And that she had nearly gone bankrupt she was spending so much money

This sounded very familiar

It sounded just like me!

When I got home

I was thinking about how I think it's possible for me to get addicted to anything

I just have that type of personality

Where if I get a good feeling off of something

Or it numbs me 

Or gives me a buzz

Or it takes me out of my head

And away from myself

Then there is a good chance that I will go back for it again and again

Despite the destruction it causes

So we all know I was addicted to drink and drugs

And that I have an eating disorder

Very common addictions

But what else am I addicted to?

I remember doing a post on this back a couple of years ago

So this is an update on that

As my list has changed done

The number one offender has to be methadone 

I'm now ten years on a methadone programme

And I am well and truly addicted to it

Mentally 

Physically

Psychologically 

Every freakin' way

The first thing I do every morning is take my methadone

My life revolves around it

I have a routine of going to the doctor and pharmacy every Monday morning

And then collecting the methadone every few days

It has become such a big part of my life

Part of me

Of who I am 

It is being reduced though

Albeit very slowly

And I am putting up some resistance

It was reduced this week

Just by 2 mls

But it's still a big deal

Any change is a big deal

Then I have my other meds

Two anti depressants

And anti anxiety meds

I am pretty dependant on these too

Although they are not physically addictive

To me they are addictive

I would really miss them if I did not have them

One huge thing that has changed on my addiction list is cigarettes 

I was a confirmed and passionate smoker for almost twenty years

I loved smoking 

The first one of the morning was always my favourite

I was quite a heavy smoker

Thirty a day 

Which was costing me €100 a week

So last August

While I was away in London

On the morning of the 11th

At about 10 30am

I smoked my last one

And haven't had one since 

It's now been eight months 

And I haven't looked back

I am now officially 

A non smoker

But of course when I get one addiction under control

Another one always pops up

Cue shopping addiction

When I gave up smoking

I found that I had some extra money at the end of the week

But instead of saving it like a normal human being

I elected to spend it

Now it seems like when I get money in to my hand 

I feel compelled to spend it

It's only just out of the ATM

And I am handing it over in a shop

Or spending it in line

On line shopping has become quite the hobby for me

And I have to admit 

I get a great thrill out of it

Trawling the Internet for new clothes

Finding something that I just have to have

Clicking the 'Buy now' button

Getting the email that tells me my order has been successfully placed

Then the email to tell me that my order has been shipped

Oh the excitement of it all is too much!

Knowing that there is a parcel on its way to me

And then when it finally arrives

I am almost beside myself 

When the post man rings the door bell

And I open the door to a big juicy package

I sign for it

And take the package in to my arms

Cradling it like it is a new born baby

Then tearing in to it

To find the treasures inside

I take out the items

And my life now feels complete

Now that I have this shirt/skirt/scarf

I never need to shop again 

My wardrobe is also complete

But of course

That buzz wears off quite quickly

Soon the item you just couldn't live without 

Becomes just another piece of clothes

Like every other piece you own

That's when I'm drawn back in

And I find myself searching the Internet once more....

I their addictions which feature in my life to a greater or lesser extent are as followings

In no particular order

Tea

Hot sweet tea

If I am at home 

Then I have a cup of tea in my hand

I am constantly boiling the kettle 

And it drives my family nuts

I just love tea

It's warm 

it's comforting 

I used to enjoy a cup of tea and a smoke 

Now I just enjoy the tea

Over and over again

My phone

Since I got my first iPhone

( yes I was a latecomer to this world)

I am pretty much addicted to it

I used to look at my sister 

Who was constantly glued to her iPhone

And wonder what was so interesting

Now I know 

Now I know the wonder that is the phone

I am coverted

I tend to go through phases of being addicted to different foods

Right now it's white chocolate

More specifically Milkybars

I crave it the way I used to crave heroin

Honestly 

The craving is that strong

I have been known to drive miles out of my way to get my precious Milkybars

I remember a few years ago it used to be Drifter bars

One day before I learned to drive

I had my mother drive all over the place looking for these bars

Nothing else would do

I ate then like they were going out of fashion

And then they did

So I had to find something else to fixate on

Sweeteners

As many cups of tea I drink a day

I use three sweeteners in each cup

These don't be long adding up

And I'm sure they are bad for me

But since when did that stop me?

Tv

I am a tv addict

Especially food shows

Like Come dine with me

Masterchef

My kitchen rules

I also love a good box set 

Like Breaking Bad

The next one I'm going to watch is Better call Saul

Can't wait to get stuck in to that one

That's all I can think of right now

I guess it's enough 

I was wondering about you 

Are you addicted to anything?

Are you like me and have an addictive personality?

I'd love to know

Are you addicted?