ED Community

An anonymous writer left a very interesting comment on my blog yesterday

Posing a couple of questions

First

About the ED community

And does the idea of such a community help strengthen or weaken the fight against the illness?

And also

What role an ED should play in a persons identity?

I thought these were really interesting questions

And it's something I've thought a lot about over years

And I remember it being addressed in treatment also

First question

Does the idea of an ED community strengthen or weaken the fight against our illness? 

I think there is no simple answer for this

And of course every case is individual 

In my opinion

Our community can do both 

As we know 

Support is essential 

Both in the midst of the illness

And in recovery 

When I first started writing my blog three years ago

I was in a very different place

I wrote about fasting

And actively trying to lose weight

I can remember me and other girls encouraging each other to lose weight

And that is so dangerous 

Thankfully 

In my case 

That didn't last long 

And I saw that I was treading on thin ice

But at the same time

I craved to be with others like me

It was so important to me to connect with others in the same situation as me

This community has saved my life over and over again

And in a lot of ways has helped me recover and move on from my ED 

Our community is a mixture of people still in active ED

And those choosing recovery

And we seem to co-exist well 

Although I do admit

I've had to pull back from some blogs that are upsetting or triggering

That is nothing against the person

It's just very difficult to be around very ill people when you yourself are trying to get well

And of course when in recovery

You want to build a good foundation

And probably have more in common with those in recovery 

I guess this why Pro-ana is so prolific

There Is strength in numbers

You are more likely to do something 

If someone is doing it with you

Hence why people have 'ana buddies'

In a sick and twisted way

These girls are each other's cheerleaders 

It's something that fuels the ED

I remember when I was in treatment 

It was a psychiatric hospital

With an eating disorder recovery programme

The ED girls were on a ward called St. Brigids 

It was a mixed ward

So there were patients with other illness there too

Like anxiety or depression

There were up to eight girls on the ED programme at a time

We spent so much time together 

All day every day

And most of the time we were talking about food, weight and our EDs

Although this wAy works for some

It most definitely did not for me

Bring in such close contact with other sufferers made life so hard

I was constantly comparing myself to others 

That and the fact that our sole existence was wrapped up in the ED 

Made it so hard to make steps towards recovery

One thing that I noticed while in treatment

Was that if one person was doing well

The rest tended to do well too

But if one person was struggling

The rest struggled too

Why was this?

Well

We were all so in tune with each other 

And if one persons behaviours were very disordered 

That permeated through the group

But also if some one was making positive steps 

It was almost like it gave permission to the other girls to do the same

So I think being part of an ED community can both help and hinder

As ED sufferers 

We have to battle triggers every single day 

Triggers that can send us right back in to the arms of our ED 

So support is essential 

And very necessary 

I know that I couldn't possibly do this on my own 

No way

No how 

We crave to be around others like us 

So we know that we are not alone 

This can be both a blessing and a curse

I guess it would be like an alcoholic or a dug addict

In their addiction 

They spent all their time with other addicts

Whether they liked them or not 

They were on the same wave length

But when one addict gets clean

They absolutely have to change one thing 

And that one thing is everything

Including people, places and things

A recovering addict can not spend all their time with using addicts 

And expect to stay clean

As the saying goes

If you hang around a barbers for long enough

You will end up getting a haircut 

In the same vein

You are the company you keep

To answer the other question 

What role should our EDs play in our identity

This is also a great question

And again

Is something I addressed in treatment 

In the midst of our illness

Our identity and the illness become so emeshed 

I know when I was sick

My illness was my identity 

Everything else that I was was overshadowed by my ED

I was no longer a sister

A daughter

An auntie

A friend 

Now I was anorexic 

And precious little else 

I distinctly remember saying in treatment that I was so afraid to let go of my ED

As I didn't know what would be left without it 

I panicked about the fact that giving up my illness

Meant giving up my identity

When I was sick

I assumed the sick role

And when you have such a role for such a long time 

It's very hard to break away from it

For me 

I felt that my illness brought my family together 

And I worried that if I got well

Then I wouldn't be as close with my family

Because that's what happened when I became ill

My family came together 

And got very close 

So I feared the opposite would happen if I let my ED go

Eating disorders continue to be complex and difficult illnesses to treat

The person in question has to want to get well 

And will not get well until they decide to

No matter how much somebody wants it for you 

They can't do it for you

Support is essential 

I know I couldn't have got well without the support of various professionals, my family 

And of course you my beautiful blogger friends 

We alone can do it 

But we can not do it alone

As they say in the meetings 

I know for sure

That being part of this community has been a huge part of my life for the past three years

As you know 

I try to write every day

I spent copious amounts of time on blogger 

You girls are some of my best friends

I worry about our little community

As it seems to be ever shrinking all the time

Blogger seems to not be the place to be anymore

Instagram seems to be the cool place to be

But blogger will forever hold a special place in my heart

As its here that I started 

And I love to follow the stories of you girls 

Anyway

Let me know what you think about the questions posed in this post

And anything else on your mind.....