Honesty is the best policy

I'm writing this post in response to L

Who commented on my blog anonymously yesterday 

I'm dedicating a post to it

As it would be too long to respond in the comment section

So L 

I hope you see this

To give you the gist of it

L made the point that the reason I'm not doing the course should be because I have no interest in the course

And not because my disability will be cut

L went on to ask if I was never going to work

And she understands that life can be cosy on benefits

But that was just existing 

And not living 

First of all 

I want thank you L

For having the courage to write what a lot of readers were probably thinking

I know you said that you didn't want to come across as harsh

And you didn't 

You came across as honest and concerned

And I am grateful for that 

Correct me if I am wrong 

But I find that both in real life

And here on blogger

Honesty somehow gets lost

I know I am guilty of telling people what they want to hear

Just to keep the peace

People pleasing I guess

It's easy to say/write a hundred 'I love you's'

It's much harder to be brutally honest

I acknowledge L that this comment must have been difficult to write

And I know I had to read the comment a few times to let it sink in

To answer your question

The reason I am not doing the course is because I really don't have a lot of interest in business and computers

Yes it's true 

My disability would be cut

But that was not my primary reason 

Up until last week

I was 100% sure that I was going to do the course

But then I read the course content

And none of it appealed to me

And it's definitely not the area that I want to work in

So it really didn't make sense to go ahead and do a full time course for two years 

When my heart wasn't in it

I didn't want to start the course 

Only to drop out by Christmas 

I think I am better off looking for something that really interests me

And to answer your question about work

Yes I absolutely do want to work 

I wanted to be independent 

And support myself 

I want my own place

I want to pay my way

Pay taxes 

Contribute to the society that has helped me out greatly over the years 

I did in fact look for work this summer

You might remember that I inquired at my local dog kennel to see if they needed help

Unfortunately they couldn't take me on

Due to insurance reasons 

I also asked at the pizzeria that I used to work at

And they still haven't got back to me 

So I am actively looking

But to recession here

There are precious little jobs

No

I don't plan to be on disability for the rest of my life 

I've been on disability since my first hospital admission back in 2008

Now a days 

It much more difficult to be put on long term disability

As there have been so many budget cuts

So if I am to come off disability 

I want to make sure it is the right time

And the right circumstances

As if I am taken off it

It will be nigh on impossible to get back on it if I needed to

I guess what may come across as reluctance to work

Is in fact a case of low confidence

And low self esteem 

I still have some of those core beliefs From when I was really ill

Like I am not good enough

Not smart enough 

Not capable enough 

And these thoughts get in my way

Whether I am looking to start a course or find work 

And yes

I know I have it easy right now

I am luckier than a lot of people 

I live with my Mum and sister 

In a house with no mortgage or rent to pay

All I have to do is contribute weekly to shopping and bills

Everything else is taken care of

I pay my own bills in regard to my car and my phone 

But I know that if I was stuck 

I have two parents

And two older sisters and a brother who can bail me out

Then there is the dog shelter 

Where I have an appointment next Thursday 

I know it will be a voluntary position

But I think it will do me the world of good

To have a purpose 

A reason to get up in the morning

And what better reason than to help dogs that are in need 

As you know 

Honey and Lea and my previous dog Leo came from this very shelter 

So it's really cool to be going back to volunteer there 

And who knows 

Maybe it will lead to more opportunities 

I am a firm believer in the thought that if you push yourself to go outside 

Wonderful things can happen

You just have to push yourself to get out there

Out in to the world 

Meet new people 

And you never know what might happen

To go back to the point of commenting and friendship

The thing about our little corner of blogger

Is that a lot of us are ill

Vulnerable 

In poor health

Mentally and physically

Delicate and fragile

I know I've read posts written by bloggers

And my first thought was not the thought I wrote 

I chose my second thought 

Which was much more politically correct

Because I don't want to hurt the person

Or cause them any sort of pain

As they are already going through hell without me adding to it 

I don't want to disrespect the love that people show here on blogger

I love to spread the love

And feel the love

I guess what I am saying is that there is a time and a place for everything 

Showing love is brilliant

But sometimes raw honesty is called for too

I hope I am explaining myself properly

And I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings

In the last six months 

I have lost two very good friends here on blogger 

Some of you will remember The writer named A

And also Loulou 

I say I lost them because I have no idea what happened to them 

Loulou and I had a disagreement 

Then she deleted her blog 

And emailed me that she didn't want to be friends anymore

I haven't heard from her since

And A 

We also went through issues

Then all of a sudden 

She vanished from blogger 

And is not responding to my texts or emails

The reason I mention these two girls 

Is that I valued their friendship so much

Because they were always brutally honest with me 

I could always depend on them to tell me the truth

Even if it did hurt both me and them

I think only a real friend will do this

 I'm not saying that all the lovely comments people leave are not genuine

I truly believe they they are 

But girls 

We can't afford to tiptoe around each other 

Many of us are living in life or death situations 

Many of us are on the edge 

Being honest with someone might be a huge favour you could do for them

So L

I hope I have answered your questions

And given you the reasons for why I'm going down this path

Again

I thank you for your candour 

It was exactly what I needed to hear/read

And I'm hoping that maybe more of us will take a risk 

And be honest with our friends and fellow bloggers

God knows we really can't waste time on platitudes 

With all that said 

I was wondering about you

Do you think that honesty is the best policy?

What is your take on telling others the truth?

Are you Always honest with friends and fellow bloggers?

What stops you saying/ writing what you really think?

I'd love to know...