Weighing it up....

I have my last session with Mary this afternoon

In recent weeks

We agreed that I would weigh myself once a week

And she wouldn't weigh me at all

I had been putting it off all week

I really didn't want my good mood spoiled by the little numbers on my scale 

I was going to do it the other night

When my sister was weighing herself 

But I just couldn't bring myself to do it

Side note: My sister is now convinced that she is fat

Welcome to my world...

Last night 

I bit the bullet 

And pulled out my scales from its home under my drawers

I had been trying on clothes to wear on holidays 

And in between outfits 

In my underwear 

I stood on the scales 

And a funny thing happened

I registered the number

The second highest number I've ever seen on a weighing scales in my whole life

I waited for the horror to envelop me

The shame

The embarrassment 

The guilt to wash over me

I closed my eyes and braced myself 

But you know what ?

It didn't happen

The absolute disgust I felt the last time I reached this weight just didn't happen

I opened my eyes and stood off the scale 

Mild confusion set in

I got dressed 

And sat on the edge of my bed 

Thinking 

I'm not entirely sure when it happened

But the number on the scale seems to have lost its power

And importance over me

How?

I'm not sure of that either 

All I know is that I can now stand on my scales without having a complete meltdown

If I was braver 

I would share my weight with you

But I'm not 

So I won't 

Even though I had no initial reaction to my weight 

I did make a secret pact with myself to lose some weight before my holiday

That lasted about two hours

When I decided a lolly was more fun than a diet

The thing is

That I have gained weight 

But my clothes still fit me

Apart from one pair of trousers which I don't really wear anyway 

But I feel ok in my skin

I know I'm now curvy 

And shapely 

And that's ok 

I am ok 

Just the way I am

Right 

Will update after session with Mary

Have a lovely Tuesday....