Struggling

This is me 

Ruby 

I am struggling right now

Trying my best to get back on track

Trying not to let this dip turn in to a slip

Or a relapse 

This is the face of a girl who is fighting 

Fighting for a better life

For her and her family 

This is the face of a girl who is insecure

She is afraid 

Lonely 

Sometimes it feels like she is on the edge 

That she is going to free fall in to her ED or addiction 

She is worried 

Worried that she is not strong enough

Not good enough 

Not pretty enough 

Not smart enough 

She worries all the time 

This is the face of a girl who smiles 

Even though she is crying on the inside 

Sometimes she feels like she is going to fall apart 

Fall down 

And crumble 

She tries her best to keep it all together 

To do her best 

But sometimes she can't 

This is the face of a girl who wants to be a good person

Tries her best to do the right thing

She doesn't always succeed 

But the important thing is to try 

This girl makes mistakes 

Every single day 

But she tries to learn from them

And move on 

This girl is afraid of relapsing

She knows that she is in a precarious situation at the moment 

She has lost weight 

She is feeling vulnerable 

Afraid 

She is equally thrilled and terrified at the prospect of slipping 

This girl craves oblivion

Every day she has to fight the urge to check off the planet 

To escape 

To run 

To hide 

This girl is doing her best 

To be a good person

To do the right thing 

To be a good daughter

Sister 

Auntie 

Friend 

Doggy mama

She is trying her best 

And she hopes that is good enough