Star

I'm just on my way home from my second horse riding lesson

I've been looking forward to it all week

My Mum drove today

The morning was frosty 

So we had to take a bit of a detour to get to the stables

The lesson was at 11 30am

So we left out house at 10 15am

And arrived just in time 

I was in with a group this week 

As opposed to last week

When it was a one on one session

Before we got saddled up

My Mum and I took a little walk around 

There was a beautiful miniature horse

I completely forgot to take a photo of him 

But he was just adorable 

Then it was my turn 

I was riding Star again today 

He is fast becoming my bestie

This week we mostly trotted 

And I was let go on my own 

I felt more confident this week 

It is just so enjoyable 

And there is a lovely atmosphere there 

People come 

And leave their troubles at the door

Have the craic

And forget about real life for a while 

I was a bit quieter today 

I always am around new people 

But I tried my best to be sociable and pleasant 

I'm hoping as I do more sessions 

That my confidence will grow 

Both around people 

And around the horses

Having something to look forward to 

Makes a huge difference to my whole world 

With out something you enjoy

What is the point of life?

And we make a day of it on a Wednesday 

After horse riding 

We go in to town

And go for something to eat 

Or do some shopping 

As I was leaving the stables today

Ailish, the lady in charge 

Said that if I ever want to hang around for a couple of hours

I can help them around the stables

I was delighted to hear this 

As it's something I would just love to do

Spending time with horses?

I don't need to be asked twice 

And now the weather is improving a bit 

It makes it a lot easier 

That's another thing to look forward to

It seems like things are beginning to fall in to place for me

I can remember as recently as Christmas feeling so very lost

I just didn't know where I was going 

Or what I was doing 

I remember my Mum saying to me one day 

That I looked like a lost soul

They was exactly the way I felt 

But now 

Now things are starting to turn around for me

Slowly but surely

As usual 

My bulimia is holding me back 

If I could just get the purging under control

I might have a fighting chance

I feel like I have a lot to live for now 

I'm building my own little life 

Doing my own little thing 

I used to always wait for people to suggest things 

Like going swimming 

Or going in to town 

I didn't have the confidence to do my own thing 

As I didn't think it counted if I suggested it 

I didn't think my opinion it thoughts mattered 

I guess being the youngest of four

I have always just fallen in with my older siblings 

And did what they did 

Now that I am fully grown adult 

The habits of a life time are hard to change 

I still tend to follow their lead 

But more and more 

I am finding my own occupation

My own hobbies and interests 

My own life 

Breda often speaks to me about self care 

You know 

Doing things for yourself 

To mind yourself 

To care for yourself 

Things you enjoy 

I am just starting to see how important that is now

Because now I have my own little thing going on

I have the horse riding 

My upcoming job

And meetings 

The last time I went to meetings 

I kind of depended on one person

If they were going to the meeting 

I would go 

But if they weren't 

I wouldn't go either

This time I'm trying to mix with many people 

So I'm not tied to the one person

And it feels so much better not to be dependent on anyone 

I go to my meetings 

I talk to everyone 

I go out of my way to speak to people who I usually wouldn't meet 

I suggest other meetings to go to

Next Monday

Myself and two of the ladies are going to a lunch time meeting up north

So I'm looking forward to that too

As I type this 

I am sitting in a car park outside a supermarket 

Waiting for my Mum who has gone to the bank

I feel content 

Satisfied 

I feel like I did something really good for myself today 

Something I enjoyed 

And is food for the soul 

I feel happy that I got out of the house 

That I got up early

Walked the dogs 

Got dressed

And headed to the equestrian centre 

Now I am heading home 

And I feel a warm glow inside

And that my friends

Is priceless...