Doctor

I know I say it every Monday morning

But the weeks are just whizzing by

A bit too fast for my liking 

But as they say

Time waits for no man

Or something to that effect

Yesterday was Mothering Sunday 

We got my mum a candle and a mug

As well as a little creamer and sugar bowl

We had dinner in the house 

Then watched a movie

I hate Sunday's 

But as they go

It was a nice one 

Then up this morning for my appointment at nine

My sister was with me

As she had an appointment too with Nice Woman Doctor

I went to check in 

The receptionist told me that my usual doctor wasn't there 

So they put me on Nice Woman Doctors list

I was disappointed that he wasn't there this morning 

As I wanted to know what he thought of the piece of writing I gave him

But 

That will have to wait until next week 

Nice Woman Doctor called me in pretty much straight away

I followed her to her room

And took a seat

The first thing she said to me was that the strain has gone from my face 

That I look more relaxed

And asked me how I was doing 

I explained that things had improved since the last time I saw her a few weeks ago

I filled her in about the horses 

The job I will start in May 

And going back to meetings 

She asked me how my food was going

I told her it was a lot better 

And haven't purged in a few days

Today is actually day 5

I miscounted yesterday 

The doctor filled out my script

And I went on my way 

My sister also had an appointment with her this morning

Straight after me 

So I headed up to the pharmacy 

The usual pharmacist is back from maternity leave

I welcomed her back 

And tried to make conversation

But she was so cold

Answering in me word answers 

Anyway 

I got my meds 

And went back to my car to wait for my sister 

In other news 

My scale tell me that I have put on ten pounds since last week

I asked members of my family to stand on it to see if they were getting incorrect readings 

For each of them 

It gAve a misreading

My clothes also don't feel any tighter 

And I don't think I look any different

So I'm thinking my scale is wrong

I mean 

Is it even possible to put on ten pounds in a week?

I'm not so sure 

But 

To be honest 

I don't mind gaining a little weight

I have a few pounds to play around with 

And anyway 

I would rather weigh a little more and feel good 

RAther than be underweight and miserable 

I don't even like the skinny, too thin look anymore 

I used to

I used to like stick arms and legs 

A huge head on a tiny body

Big hollow eyes 

Sunken cheekbones 

Sharp collar bones and hip bones 

Looking like death warmed up 

I now prefer the curvy look

A bit of shape 

With soft curves and a healthy glow

I like when I gave a bit of weight on 

My boobs Are bigger

My thighs have shape

And my bum fills my jeans 

There is nothing wrong in looking like a woman 

A healthy and happy woman

Being severely underweight

Is wearing your pain on your body

Often times we can't find words to express how we feel 

So we use our bodies to do it

No one who is living in an emaciated body is happy 

I guaruntee you that

But I do wish that my weight would settle 

It's pretty traumatic how my weight fluctuates so much 

If it stayed in or around a healthy weight

Then at least I could get used to my body 

The way it yo-yos up and down doesn't give me a chance to get used to my body at a particular weight

My goal weight in treatment was 54kg

Which just about puts me in the healthy range 

I'm a bit off that yet

To be honest 

I would be perfectly happy with that weight

And I think it's when I look my best 

My weight has gone up to 60-62kg in recent times 

And I'm not as comfortable at that weight

And I don't think it suits me

But in reality 

Weight does not matter 

The number does not matter 

As long as I'm not drastically under or over weight 

Then I am doing ok 

I am ok 

Also 

I am loving my new piercing 

And the reaction it is getting 

I feel like I've been bitten by the bug now 

And can't wIt to get another one done 

Where?

I'm not quite sure yet 

Maybe a few in my ear 

Or my belly button 

I do feel like I am living my twenties at the moment 

When I was on my twenties 

I was otherwise engaged 

What with a raging opiate addiction

And a life threatening ED

So effectively I missed my twenties 

And am now doing all the things I never did but wanted to do

It's fun 

It's exciting 

And I'm really enjoying it 

So that it from me today 

Happy Monday everyone

And see you on the next post....