Starry starry night....

I bring this post to you a tired but very happy Ruby

Yesterday was a lovely day

It started early 

I had a quick cuppa before going down to meet sister number two

We left her house at about ten

And picked up my nephew from his Dad's on the way

Then we headed out to the equestrian centre

The centre is about an hour from my door to their door

But I enjoy it so much 

I don't mind the journey at all

The pony camp was on this week

And myself and my nephew arrived at about 11am to help out

There were about ten kids 

I was watching them ride 

And they were amazing!

Theses kids were from age 6 - 12

And they were well able to ride 

I was seriously impressed

There were a lot of helpers there today 

Do there wasn't a whole lot of work for myself and Oisin

But we helped where we could 

Leading the horses 

Giving the kids lunch 

But there was a lot of hanging around

To be honest 

I felt a bit out of my depth 

There were so many people there 

A lot of strong personalities 

And I kind of felt like I was being really quiet and awkward 

I was having a cuppa with the owner

And another girl who is a stunt rider

I felt like a meek little mouse 

My confidence is definitely something I need to work on 

Don't get me wrong 

I loved being there today 

I just felt like I wasn't being myself 

But 

I have to remember 

I am only going a few weeks

And I am working on my confidence and self esteem 

I am

A work in progress 

At about 2pm

We got to ride 

Two of the men from my group also came 

I was so delighted to finally get up and ride

Oisin also got to ride 

He was led around 

And he got to trot

He did so well

I got to canter today 

Which was amazing!

One of the lads called Daniel led me

And I felt like I was going so fast 

I had this big grin on my face

And it felt exhilarating!

Eilis said she will do more with me next week

So that's something to look forward to 

It's all about baby steps 

Growing and improving each week

Oisin loved the place 

Being with the animals 

And being around others who live animals too

It was lovely to do something just be and my nephew 

Animals are something that we really bond over

It's our thing 

And that is very special

Oh

And apparently I am going to be in a horse show in May 

I don't know what I have to do

Or what it's all about 

But I'm sure it will all become clear in time 

I just can't think about it

Or there's no way I'll be able to do it

The lesson finished at about 3pm

I was on Star as usual 

He is my bestie now 

I love him 

He's so patient and gentle 

And I think he mirrors me well

Food presented a bit of a problem today

I had brought a sandwich 

But it turned out that they made chips and sausages there 

I took a plate but coul barely eat any of it

When one of the little boys started crying they he had no sausages 

I gave him mine

So I just had a couple of chips

It was all I could stomach

It was a long day

And to be honest 

I was glad to hit the road for home

I'm just not used to being around so many new people 

And I can be quite shy and quiet

I'm hoping my confidence will improve 

As I don't like being a wall flower 

Eilis tells me my confidence will come on

I hope she is right 

On the way home 

We went to Homeland

Home land is this amazing store

It has a pet centre 

A groomers 

A garden centre 

Clothes 

And loads of DIY stuff and the like 

I picked up food for the dogs

And food for my neighbours dog too

After that 

We made our way home

I felt exhausted 

But still high on adrenaline may the same time

I thought back over the day 

And thought of incidents where I could have been a bit more sociable or chatty 

But look

I did my best 

I will never be loud or brash

It's just not in me

But I hope people will give me a chance 

Because I will eventually feel comfortable around you

And it will be worth the wait 

I promise you that 

I didn't take my meds this morning

As I wanted to be alert and lucid for the day

Usually on my way to the centre 

I fall asleep in the seat

But today I was very lucid and awake

I did feel different having not taken it

I felt hyper alert and sensitive

And had a lot more energy I found

I took it the minute I got home

And instantly felt relaxed 

That is probably a psychological thing 

Just knowing that I've taken it makes me feel better 

Today was great though 

To spend a day doing something I love is an absolute joy 

And to come home and feel naturally tired is so great

I sleep so well these nights 

And I know it's because I am more active 

Even though I am just sitting on the horse 

It is still hard work 

Hard but so enjoyable 

I would love to do more 

Heck I would love to ride every day if I could 

Hopefully during the summer I can do it more frequently 

Horse riding has really captured my attention and imagination 

It's something I wish I had done more of over the years 

But 

Better late than ever right?

We are getting some work done on our bathroom this week

So there are two men here working 

One of the men is called Pat

We have known him since we moved here ten years ago 

He often does jobs around our house 

We were having a cup of tea yesterday 

And he reminded me of what I used to be like 

He said he would call in to the house 

And I would be passed out on the living room floor 

From drinking vodka and abusing my meds 

He used to try to help me 

But I wouldn't listen to him at all

He said that there is such a difference in me now 

And it's true 

I've worked hard to get to place where I am happy and healthy 

Granted sometimes it's two steps forward and one back 

But the important thing is to keep moving in the right direction 

Every morning 

I ask my higher power to help me get through the day without hurting myself or anyone else

And be thankful that night

Horse riding is helping me change my life 

And I just know it will help me with my confidence and self esteem 

Eilis is the lady who runs the place she never asks me about my conditions 

But I would live to tell her about my history 

Of drugs and ED

Just to let her know why I am the way I am

And I am trying to get my life back on track

But she is always so busy 

So it's hard to get a quiet word with her

But I'm sure I will

When the time is right 

I am so paranoid though

I was thinking that they all thought I was the weird quiet girl with piercings in her face

But again

That is my head telling me that 

And my head is not a reliable source of information

But I will keep going

Keep pushing myself to get out and about and live my life 

Push through the fear and the anxiety 

And do the things I want to do 

I think it's so important to move outside our comfort zones 

And do something that tests us and challenges us

Other wise we don't grow and thrive 

I have Mary to thank for hooking me up with Eilis and the horses

Mary works with a girl called Sam

And Sam goes to the centre 

And put the word out about people with mental health issues riding 

Sam was there my first day riding 

And Eilis told me today that she will he there next week

It will be good to see her 

And show her how far I've come

So 

I will leave you here 

I'm going to take it easy today 

And get my strength back 

Hope all is well in your world 

See you in the next post....