B

Again

An obvious one

But B is for Bulimia

As I wrote yesterday 

Over time 

My ED turned from anorexia in to bulimia

I guess I just got the point where I was so hungry 

That I went on an almighty binge 

As I got older 

The harder I found it to resist food 

In my younger days

I could go for days without eating so much as a morsel of food 

But my body just won't let me do that any more 

Up until very recently

My bingeing and purging was out of control

At my worst 

I was purging up to 20 times a day

Every day was the same back then

I would wake up

Walk the dogs 

Go to the supermarket 

Buy or steal binge food

Go home 

And spend the day going round in circles from the kitchen to the living room to the bathroom

I had a path worn 

It's the closest thing to hell that I've ever experienced 

Bulimia doesn't get as much attention as anorexia 

People with anorexia are treated with pity 

Where as people with bulimia are thought of as out of control and disgusting 

Both are deadly illnesses 

But bulimia just doesn't get the same attention

Like all EDs

Bulimia thrives on secrets and lies 

Often the sufferer manages to maintain a healthy body weight

So no one would ever know unless you told them 

For me 

I lose weight when I purge 

So it was often quite plain to see that I am struggling 

Even as recently as Christmas I was really struggling 

But have managed to get somewhat back on track in the last month

It's not easy 

I battle every day with my ED

Some days I win 

Some days I lose 

But most days are good days 

And every day that I manage to get through relatively sane is a success 

I write my log in the hope that I can help others and myself fight the war against these illnesses 

For me 

Writing and horse riding have helped fill a hole that my ED left

My life improves even despite of myself and my self destructive ways

I am hopeful for the future 

I have a feeling that something wonderful is going to happen...