The only other word I could think of was food
And I pretty much covered that yesterday
So free it is
I wanted to write about being free
As for so long I was a slave to drugs, alcohol and my ED
Having been a heroin addict for years
I was literally a slave to the drug
My whole world cantered around the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more
Because what ever I had
Was never enough
I was a greedy addict
I couldn't control my cravings and urges
I hurt the people I love the most
But most of all
I hurt myself
Then came alcohol and prescription meds
I also abused these to the point where I passed out on the floor
I was out of control
Out of my mind
My ED was a similar story
As you know
I was a serial binger and purger
I literally used to do it all day
Heck I even woke up in the middle of the night and binged
It was a nightmare
Thankfully
Most of these things are behind me
Yes I am still on methadone and meds
And yes I still have work to go on my ED recovery
But I feel the most free that I've felt in the longest time
Freedom is everything
Without it
We have nothing
Now I am free to study
Work
Travel
I'm free to wake up in the morning
And not need a drug to feel normal
I'm free to walk my dogs
To go horse riding
To attend my meetings
To live my life the way I want
I'm free to travel the world
As I don't have a criminal
Conviction
And am free to wear what I want
To pierce my body
To tattoo my body
Yo listen to the music I want
Watch the films I want
Even in this day and age
There are places in the world where you can't do these things
Where you don't have the freedom to be yourself
I guess a lot of the time
I take my freedom for granted
I have the freedom of speech too
I can express myself the way I want to
Through words
Writing
Art
I can express my feeling and thoughts on this blog
That is amazing
Yes
Freedom is sweet
And I am grateful to have it in my life today
Freedom within is the best gift. Congratulations on finding yours!
ReplyDeleteHave a wonderful A to Z,
Sylvia van Bruggen
Hello Sylvia and welcome!!
DeleteThank you so much for your kind words and for stopping by x
Good post.
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you EM
DeleteAnd good to hear from you
You make me smile x
I love that you're free,you are right we have freedom here if we can free ourselves, stay free forever! you deserve it. hope you have lots good times coming your way now. much love, J x
ReplyDeleteThanks Jo
DeleteI believe that too
Good times are coming x
Freedom ... your post is beautiful, courageous and strong. I am so happy that I visited you via the A to Z Challenge. By sharing your story you are bringing hope to others and in that lies freedom for yourself and others. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda
DeleteFor your kind words
Hello and welcome!
So glad you stopped by x
Yes! Love this post. It mightn't have been so inspiring to start with, but I think Freedom is a really good one for you.
ReplyDelete<3
xx
It sure does didn't Bells
DeleteBut I got there eventually
The story of my life..... X
Freedom is pretty beautiful, huh? :) Thank you for posting this...I read it earlier today and have been thinking about my own new found freedoms all day.
ReplyDeleteThank you for reading and commenting
DeleteIt means so much x
It is absurd the amount of freedom that comes with recovery. Just that feeling of BEING FREE. I remember the days of obsessive counting--where every second of every day was devoted to calories and weights and measures and numbers. Every waking thought, consumed with numbers. I cannot imagine ever going back to that. Sometimes I think it's that terror that keeps me from really slipping down the ED rabbit hole again.
ReplyDeleteInsane to think that, seeing as food and eating and nourishment are the first thing you really grasp as an infant, that you can unravel that part of your brain to the point of trying to starve yourself to death. And the process of un-unraveling it is so grueling. But it can be done, and nothing feels more freeing that than feeling of being free to eat, drink, and be merry without the ED whispering in your ear.
I think it's healthy to have a certain amount of fear Mich
DeleteI know I feel that way about drugs
It keeps me clean though
That fear of relapsing
It is insane isn't it?
To actually try and stArve yourself to death
The whole disorder is crazy also absolutely
I'm so glad you are free
And I am getting there x
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ReplyDelete