E is for Eating

And so we are on to the letter E

E for me 

Is eating

Eating is mandatory if you want to live

If you want to have energy

If you want to work

Play 

Work out 

You have to eat if you want the systems in your body to work

And work well

If you want to have healthy nails, skin and hair

Without eating 

Our bodies pretty quickly give up

And we die of starvation and dehydration 

Eating and feeding are one of the first things we learn in life 

As a baby 

Feeding is everything 

But for those of us with eating disorders 

Eating can be a tricky business 

Whether you have anorexia 

Bulimia 

EDNOS

The art of food and eating can be a mine field 

I love my food 

I really love my food

I don't rightly believe anyone who says that they don't enjoy their food

Food and eating are one of life's great pleasures

It brings us together 

To celebrate 

To party

To mourn 

To chat 

To put the world to right over a cuppa and a slice of cake

But my relationship with food has been rocky to say the least 

I love it 

And hate it in equal amounts 

At times over the years 

Food has been my nemesis 

I denied myself food 

Starved my body and mind 

I stuffed it with food 

Then promptly threw it all up 

I over exercised my body with not enough food 

I skipped family occasions becsuse I didn't want to eat 

I ate out of a bin

I ate food straight out of the freezer

I stole food from my family

From my house mates 

From shops and super markets 

Food drove me to the brink of insanity 

Now 

15 years down the ED road 

I have made a kind of peace with food 

I've had to

I don't hate my food anymore 

I don't hate eating 

I don't battle with food the way I used to

Now 

I try to eat three meals and snacks a day

I dont deny myself what I want 

I don't make my body purge as much as I used to 

I enjoy eating now 

I sit at the table now 

I used to eat in front of the TV

Mindlessly shoving food in to my mouth 

Now I take my time

Chat with my family 

It's a social thing also 

One of the most important things in ED recovery 

Is to keep eating 

Even when you don't wany to

When you don't feel like it 

When you are full 

It is so important to eat 

And keep it down of course 

Because once you start skipping meals and snacks 

It is a slippery road back down the rabbit hole

So I do it

I eat 

Because I want to be well

To be healthy 

To have energy 

I eat because for the first time in a long time

I want to live 

Because I now I can see they my life is worth living 

That there is life after an ED

And I do have a chance of happiness as well as health 

Right 

Speaking of eating 

I am off to have a ham toastie with relish

Lip smacking good.....!