J is for Job!

As you may know

I did a job interview a few months ago

I was unsuccessful  in the position in question

But they did offer me another job

Working in the holiday centre 

From May - September 

I gladly accepted the offer 

Grateful for any type of work 

As jobs are pretty scarce around here at the moment 

I did have a few obstacles in my way though

There is a course I want to do

And also there is the question of my disability benefit 

I can legally work up to 20 hours a week

And still keep all of my benefit

Any hours after that 

My benefit is cut on a sliding scale 

It's really difficult to know what to do

And everyone has an opinion

Some think I should just work the 20 hours 

Some think I should forget about the job and do the course

And some think I should forget about the disability benefit 

And take as many hours as I can

It's a tricky one 

I know that once I take myself off disability 

It will be nigh on impossible to get it back if I need it 

I guess it's a security blanket 

But at some point

I'm going to have to grow up and let it go 

I want to work 

I do 

I guess it's a confidence thing 

I haven't worked 

And worked for someone in a long time 

My last job was teaching kids dance 

I stopped because I lost my confidence 

And just couldn't do it anymore 

I've never really regained it after that 

What I will so

I don't know yet 

But it's nice to have options 

It wasn't too long ago 

That I had no options 

No course

No job 

First world problems I guess 

But I do think work will be good for me 

For my self esteem 

Confidence 

Feeling that I am contributing 

And being a productive member of society 

I guess I will have to make a decision soon

And I will do what is right for me 

I'm just not sure which way to go....