Dublin

Apologies for not replying to yesterday's comments 

The blogger app on my phone is playing up

And it won't let me in to my dashboard 

I could read the comments in my emails 

But I couldn't reply 

So sorry about that 

Thank you though

I really appreciated your thoughts on the subject of body image 

It's a tricky one 

Regaining the weight 

And everything that comes with that 

Fear 

Anxiety 

Uncertainty

The comments from others 

It's not easy 

And then comes the transition

From underweight to healthy weight

And when you have a distorted and skewed body image 

That can be quite traumatic 

I guess body image is a fluid thing 

I know I can feel ok in my skin sometimes 

And I don't feel big 

But there are other times when I feel so negatively about my body 

That I can barely function

Today for instance 

I feel quite good about how I look 

And when I say that 

I mean I don't want to tear the flesh off myself with my bare hands 

But yesterday 

I was in Dublin with my Dad

And I felt so uncomfortable in my skin 

So awkward and not myself at all

It's a horrible feeling 

To feel such distain against your own body 

I just have to remember to go by how I feel

Rather than my clothes size 

It's not easy 

But it's the only way that works 

In other news 

I travelled to Dublin yesterday with my Dad 

He had an appointment with a consultant neurologist 

As he seems to be having great difficulty with his hands 

He has lost a lot of power in them 

The muscle is wasting away

And it seems to be spreading up his arms 

I had an early start

And was up at 5am

I drive the half hour in to town u

Then walked 15mins to the train station

To catch the 7am train 

I met my Dad in his home town 

And he joined me on the train at about 8 15am

We arrived in Dublin at 10 am

The hospital is in the north side of the city 

So we quickly found our bus stop 

And headed off 

The bus stopped right outside the hospital

We found the right place 

And settled down to wait

Thankfully 

It wasn't a long wait

And my Dad was in and out in about hAlf an hour

Because we were finished so early 

We decided to try and make the lunch time train home

I was eager to get out of the city 

As it was there that I did a lot of my using 

And everywhere I look

I see old haunts and placed I used to frequent 

We cut it pretty fine 

But we made the 1pm train

And I was back home by 5 pm

Dad has to go back up to Dublin for tests 

So there might be another trip on the horizon

I don't mind going with him though

He often did it for me

I also got some exciting news yesterday 

My blog was voted one of the best eating disorder blogs of 2016 by Healthline

If you check out their website you will see all the blogs 

They are all worth a visit 

This is the fourth year in a row that my blog has been included in Healthlines top blogs 

And it is truly an honour 

I am so happy to know that my blog is making a difference 

That it's going in some small way to help fight the battle against EDs and addiction

I remember writing not too long ago 

That items a sad fact that my virtual life was more exciting than my real life 

I had nothing in my real life 

No purpose 

No reason for being 

I had my family and my dogs 

And that is amazing 

But I needed more 

And now that need is being met 

I feel so grateful to be in a good place now 

I just wish I could break off a piece of what I hAve 

And give it to you 

I want to share with everyone what I have found out 

That there is a life beyond EDs and addiction

There is hope 

And there is so much more to life 

We don't have to suffer 

There is a way out 

For a long time I didn't believe that

But now I know differently 

Life is to be enjoyed 

Not endured 

Same goes for recovery 

I am so glad to be moving on

Growing up 

It's a miracle 

My Miracle

And I promise you it's there for you too

You just have to take that first leap of faith

Do it

You won't regret it 

Not even a tiny bit