Weightless.....

So

You know the way I've been not weighing myself

And don't even keep a scales in the house anymore 

Well

This morning 

My usual doctor was back 

And as I sat in the seat opposite him

The scales beckoned me 

I asked if I could weigh myself 

He said sure

So I kicked of my trainers 

And walked over to said scales 

I tapped it 

Waited for it to stop flashing 

And tentatively stepped on

The numbers bounced around 

Until they settled on an amount 

I looked 

And registered the number in my brain 

I'm up two kilos 

At first 

I felt massive disappointment 

Failure even 

My doctor asked me what the number was

And I reluctantly told him

I didn't really hear anything else he said after that 

I was lost in my own weight related thoughts 

I left the room 

My head spinning 

I looked at my reflection in the glass on the way out 

I looked the same 

I looked ok

Did these two kilos even matter?

Right then it did

It mattered more than anything else in the world 

I headed up to the pharmacy 

Handed in my script 

And sat down to blog 

I have to say

After the initial shock of seeing the number

I already had a diet plan in mind 

I was already buying a new scale 

And a new notebook to record my weight

But as I wrote 

I was reminded of all the good things on my life at the moment 

I mean

Does two kilos even matter?

I began to feel a little better then

I know my weight can fluctuate wildly 

And I'm actually sorry that I weighed myself 

Nothing else happened this morning 

I didn't gain two kilos since this morning 

And I was ok with my weight this morning

The only thing that has changed since then 

Is that I weighed myself 

I measured my self worth in kilos and grams 

And that is just not right 

So no

I won't be crash dieting 

I won't be weighing myself regularly 

I won't watch what I eat 

This is the weight that my body needs to be at right now 

It's a healthy weight for my height

I am no where near over weight 

Everything is ok

I am ok 

Just the way I am 

At first 

I felt a massive urge to buy a new scale 

But I didn't 

And I won't 

I know that is a slippery slope 

I'm not even going to work out my BMI

It doesn't matter 

Not one little bit 

I just have to keep my eye on the prize 

On all the good things that are happening for me at the moment 

Am I going to let two kilos ruin that?

Absolutely no way 

Not in this life 

Not to this girl 

I actually now regret weighing myself 

No good ever comes from it

And I end up feeling like a failure 

A waste of space 

But the n msun thing is 

That I keep my head and take each day as it comes 

Shift by shift

Hour by hour 

I'm in tomorrow and Thursday for more training 

And I officially start on Friday evening 

A four hour shift

The next four days I have full days 

I just hope I can do this 

and I don't make a total mess of it 

I will do my best 

That's all I can do

Having said all that 

I was wondering about you 

Do you work?

Are you full

Or part time?

How long have you been working?

What do you do?

And do you enjoy it?

Have you any tips for me?

Inquiring minds want to know... Xx