Discharged....

You know the way a girl might have a fat day

Well I am having a fat week

Every time I look in the mirror 

I see my moon like face 

Big boobs 

A tummy 

And I generally feel the size of a baby elephant 

It's not fun 

And it has made me very curious as to what my weight is 

I contemplated buying a scales today 

But what would that do?

Other than wreck my head 

I mean my clothes still fit 

They don't feel any tighter 

But still 

I feel huge 

And I hate feeling this way

I could go on a diet 

But we all know how quickly a diet can turn in to a spectacular relapse 

Been there 

Done that 

Bought the extra small t-shirt

I saw Mary this morning 

We had a nice chat 

I hadn't seen her in a few weeks 

So I filled her in about all that has happened 

She asked me about purging 

I was honest 

I told her that the days I am working 

I don't purge at all

But on my days off 

I find it much tougher 

And more often than not will purge after my meals 

Eating in work is great 

As I sit down with the others at the table 

And I don't even think about purging as I am so busy

So I guess I need to implement the same tools at home 

Mary then told me that she is going to formally discharge me 

That we have come to the end of therapy 

I thanked her for all her help and support over the last few years 

She said that she loves her job 

Because she gets to see people go from the depths of despair 

To the high of getting well

Mary has been instrumental in my recovery 

She is now a big part of my story 

When I was leaving 

She gave me a big hug 

And told me to ring her if I ever need to 

And with that 

I wAlked out of the therapy office 

And in to the rest of my life 

In other news 

I was very bold yesterday 

And overtook my meds 

I haven't done this in a long time 

I'm not even sure why I did it 

But now I deeply regret it 

As I worried my family 

And I just know I shouldn't do that 

But look

I will take the learning out of it 

And move on 

I could spend the whole day beating myself up 

But what would that do?

Nothing I suspect 

It was a mistake 

You live and learn 

I'm working the whole weekend starting tomorrow 

It's going to be a long few days 

And I'm going to be on my own at home for a few days 

By its all worth it when I get a pay cheque at the end of the week

Ok 

I'm off for a cuppa 

See you in the next post....