One year on...

This morning 

I did something I've been wanting to do for the past 12 months

I agonised and stressed over it lot

And felt incredibly guilty for what I had done the year previously

But first 

Rewind 

Back 18 months ago

You may remember I wrote a post called 'Caught' if I remember correctly 

It told the story of how I was caught shoplifting in my locality 

It was a real low point for me

As you also may remember 

Up until last year 

I was having a lot of issues with shoplifting 

That started with food

And then spread to other areas like clothes and jewellery 

They say you shouldn't shit on your own back door 

And stupidly 

That's exactly what I did

I went in to the shop that day 

Browsed 

The shop owner was there 

Chatting to someone 

I asked if I could try on a couple of items 

And brazenly 

I put a top on under my clothes 

And walked out of the shop 

I was half way down the road 

When I heard someone calling me 

I nearly died when I turned and saw the girl from the shop

She ran up to me 

And asked if I had taken a top

I couldn't lie 

I said I had 

She asked where it was 

I said it was under my clothes 

She told me to take it off then and there in the street 

I pleaded with her to let me change in the shop 

It was a real rock bottom for me 

I don't know if anyone was watching our exchange 

It's very possible that they did 

Anyway 

She marched me up to the shop

I remember a police car passed us on the way 

The girl was fuming 

And rightly so 

I remember her saying that because I had stolen from her shop

She took it personally 

So 

I followed her to the shop 

Where I changed and handed her back the top

She basically told me to get out 

And not show my face in there again

I was just so grateful that she didn't call the guards 

My whole life would have changed for the worse if she had 

I left the shop with my tail between my legs

Utterly crushed and mortified

So 

Since then 

I have avoided that shop 

But a few months after it happened 

I felt a huge urge to return to the shop 

To explain

And to apologise 

But I just couldn't find the courage to do so

Fast forward to this morning 

I was walking down the Main Street of my town 

Having been in the doctors 

I was approaching the shop 

When I saw the girl outside doing something to the window 

All of a sudden 

I realised that this was my opportunity 

I called out to her 

She turned 

And walked towards me smiling 

I asked her if she remembered me 

At first she didn't 

But after a few seconds 

It began to dawn on her who I was 

I told her how I had wanted to approach her for so long 

And apologised profusely for taking from her shop

I explained that I had suffered with addiction and other mental health issues

And that I was in really bad place when I stole that top

I also apologised for putting her on the position where she had to be bad cop

She was very warm and understanding 

I explained that I was now in a much better place 

And asked if I could start coming in to her shop again 

She said yes no problem 

She thanked me for the apology 

And told me to stay on the straight and narrow 

I walked away from the girl 

Feeling so relieved that I had the chance to apologise to her 

And I think I left it just the right amount of time since the event 

Enough time for her to cool down 

And for me to get myself together

It's just so good to know there are no bad feelings about the situation

And I can know return to shopping in that store 

This is big for me 

To face the person who I had wronged took a massive amount of courage and swallowing my pride 

It just goes to show how far I have come 

I would never dream of stealing now 

And as I said to the girl 

Being caught was a turning point for me 

Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to knock some sense in to me

That situation could have turned out a whole lot differently 

And thankfully it didn't 

Because if she had called the guards that day 

And prosecuted 

I would now have a criminal record 

And I wouldn't have got the job in the holiday centre this summer 

It would have had a huge knock on effect for me 

So I am just so grateful to that girl 

For giving me a chance 

And for not involving the authorities 

It just goes to show 

That people are mostly decent and good 

But it definitely taught me a lesson 

And if nothing else 

Then it was a good thing