September

And so 

Autumn has arrived 

It's my favourite season of all

And on the 7th

I turn another year older

This has been a good year for me so far

It didn't start out well

But somehow i managed to turn things around 

How?

I'm not entirely sure 

Most of the time I feel like I am being carried along by friends and family 

My feet barely touching the ground 

The biggest thing that happened this year

Is that I secured a job

And worked all summer

I met new people 

Made friends for life

I came out of my shell 

And really discovered who I am

And what I am all about 

I loved working 

Loved the holiday centre

And everyone in it

We all became like a little family 

Then of course it all came out the night of our staff party

Whose in to who 

Who likes who 

It all got very silly

But that's alcohol for you

In our workplace 

There are about ten females 

And two males

So there just aren't enough to go around 

But hey 

There are plenty more fish in the sea right?

Work is winding down now

I only have a couple more weeks until I am again jobless

I can't lie 

I am going to miss it so much 

And I will continue to look for year round work

Work has given me a great sense of satisfaction 

As well as making me more confident and independent 

It's not an easy job

It's both physically and mentally demanding 

We are constantly running up and down stairs 

Cleaning 

Serving 

Picking up

I swear my fitness has increased marginally this summer

And then there is the emotional side of the job

We are dealing with vulnerable people

People who have a mental or physical disability 

People who are dealing with addiction or some other mental health issue

And I find that people are very open

They want to chat 

They want to tell you their story 

Of course I am happy to listen

Maybe these people don't have anyone to talk to at home 

Maybe they don't get a chance to unwind and relax

And get away from the daily grind

I've heard some very sad stories this summer 

Stories that would break the coldest of hearts 

I must say 

It's been a pleasure to help these people enjoy a well earned holiday

And it's thanks to the charity that I work for that they do get a holiday

Work is coming to an end now

I officially finish up in two weeks 

It's going to be hard to adjust to life without work again 

But I'll be back next year for sure 

Just try and stop me...

In other news 

Starting next week

I stead of doing one horse riding lesson on a Wednesday morning 

I will be spending half the day out there 

Which means I get to do two lessons 

One on my own 

And I also get to help out in the stables 

And the care of the horses 

I don't have words to describe how excited I am to be spending more time at the stables 

The horses 

The people 

The trainers 

Everything comes together to make it such a special place 

I am just so happy when I am out there 

I park my troubles at the gate

I get up on Star

And I just ride 

There is nothing going on in my head 

Other than how much I am enjoying it

The horses have been a life line for me

I can't emphasise how important it is to find healthy replacements for dangerous habits and behaviours 

I have tried going cold turkey 

'White knuckling' it as they say 

Trying to get through on sheer will power alone 

Will power will get you so far 

But we need to find reasons to stay well

Or stay clean and sober 

As I'm sure every addict whose ever attempted recovery knows 

Giving up drugs is one part 

Probably the easier part 

The hard part is trying to figure out how to get through life without relying on substances 

In my case 

I was lucky 

In that I got the chance to do a methadone programme 

And that has worked for me

Again I was lucky in that I had the opportunity to move area

And get away from my old using life 

I had a fresh start

And even though moving is not the answer 

It helped me enormously 

Learning to live in reality was my biggest hurdle 

I had spent so long numbing myself with drugs, pills, food and lack of food

I couldn't handle reality 

At least my own reality

I found life boring 

Especially given the drama and the rollercoaster of emotions that ensued in addiction and disordered eating 

Getting used to life on life's terms is not easy 

The need to escape is huge 

Even now I use sleep as an escape 

Well hey

That's pretty anodyne compared to injecting class A's in to your neck

I do love sleep though 

I love to dream 

Even the not so nice dreams are fun

As you wake up and realise that it was in fact just a dream

Anyway 

I keep going off on tangents here 

But I do have a dilemma 

And need your help

It's not life or death or anything like it 

Ok

So I bought a coat during the week

That cost €90

Then today 

In the post 

I received a letter in the list from the guards 

Informing me that I had been caught speeding 

70km in a 50km zone 

With a fine of €80

Here in lies my dilemma

Should I return the coat and pay my fine?

Or should I keep said coat and save up money over the next couple of weeks to pay the fine?

I kind of feel like I don't deserve the coat   

That I should pay in some way

So I'd be interested to know what you think

To keep or not to keep the coat

That is the question.....