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I made a mistake last week

I had been dying to know my weight 

As I felt like it was spinning out of control

I was going to buy a scales 

But they had none in my local pharmacy 

Is that a sign or what?

Anyway 

As I waited for my meds to be dispensed 

I spotted the stand in scales in the corner of the store 

It was one where you put in a coin

And it takes your weight 

Your height

And your BMI

Curiosity over took me 

I took off my jacket and my trainers 

And put a coin in to the slot 

I stood holding my breath

As if the air in my lungs would effect the reading 

The machine printed out my ticket 

I put it in my coat pocket

And I took a seat 

I was torn about whether to look at it 

It was burning a hole in my jeans 

 I wanted to know 

Yet I didn't want to know

I knew it was a bad idea 

But I just couldn't help myself 

I tentatively pulled the slip of paper from my jeans pocket 

My heart was thumping 

And I prepared myself for the worst case

I opened the ticket 

And processed the numbers  

My weight in stones and pounds 

Also in kilograms 

My percentage body fat 

And my BMI 

Which was between 21 and 22

It couldn't be more average if I tried 

And I hate being average 

Seriously though 

My weight is pretty much what I thought it was 

Even so 

I don't like it

I feel big and cumbersome 

And generally feeling a bit upset about the whole thing

I'm not going on a diet 

Or anything of the sort

I just want to become a little more mindful of how I eat

And not exist on chocolate bars and chips

I want to establish a healthy eating plan

And look 

I know that's not sustainable 100% of the time 

Everything in moderation 

Including moderation 

I just want to feel Ok in my body 

And I don't feel that at the moment 

I'm not slipping or relapsing  at all 

That is for sure 

I just think that I don't  need to gain any more weight 

So I can put a halt to that now 

So 

With all that said 

I was wondering about you 

Have you ever tried to eat differently while in recovery?

Do you think it is a good idea?

Why?

Your feedback is much appreciated....