Bumpy week

Yes 

This week has been bumpy to say the least

I was off Monday and Tuesday with severe bouts of diarrhoea

I went in Wednesday 

And yesterday 

But I had to get off the horse to run to the bathroom

So I really didn't get to ride which was disappointing 

So instead 

I groomed 

And helped out in the yard

Today I am off again

As I have a doctors appointment 

So I'm hoping to get to the bottom of this 

Ha! Pardon the pun!

But seriously 

I do need to get this under control 

I've had diarrhoea since I started the course 

Which is five weeks now 

I was managing it 

But it's got to the point where I'm afraid to do anything 

In case I need the loo

As I said in my last post

I really think it's anxiety 

I was talking with my sisters partner last night 

And she was asking why I am anxious 

After some thought 

I realised that it was because I feel I'm not good enough 

That I am stupid 

And am not able for this course 

I worry about everything 

About falling behind 

Being asked questions and not knowing the answers 

About how I'm doing socially 

Wondering what my weights doing 

Struggling to eat at breaks 

So really and truly there is a lot going on

It's no wonder my body is taking a hit 

And the thing is 

It's a catch 22 situation 

If I go in to my course 

I feel anxious and have diarrhoea 

If I don't go in 

I don't feel anxious 

And I don't have it 

So when I do stay at home 

I feel I should have gone in

But if I go in

I wish I stayed at home

What to do ....

I'm not sure what my doctor is going to do 

But I hope there is a solution that doesn't involve taking a pill

I was wondering if any of you have experience this 

And how did you deal with it?

It's starting to get me down 

And I know the more time I miss 

The more I fall behind 

And the harder it will be to get back in to the swing of things 

Anyway 

I digress 

In other news 

Mam is away for two weeks 

So am trying to keep the house running in some sort of order 

The weather is so bad that I'm not getting out with the dogs as much 

But they come for spins in the car and seem to be happy enough with that 

My Dad is staying with us for a while 

He has improved a bit 

Which is great 

Food wise I'm doing ok

Struggling a bit to eat in school

But I'm eating a dinner in the evenings 

I'm not entirely sure 

But I don't think I've lost weight 

If I have it's not much 

Mood is good 

I feel positive 

Despite the issues I'm having 

But I'm optimistic that there is a solution 

So if you have any suggestions 

I'd love to read them.....