Time off

As I type this 

I am sitting in the bus station

Waiting for the bus home 

I went in to school this morning 

Just to give the bridal back that I was practising on 

I've decided to take a few days off

As I  am starting to struggle

Anxiety is getting the better of me 

And I'm struggling to get out the door n the morning 

I guess I haven't been looking after myself too well

I haven't been eating properly 

Or taking my meds correctly 

And I'm generally feeling run down and tired

Of course I turned to the one place I know I can go to write and get some much needed advice 

I feel like I have neglected this blog

And you my friends 

I'm sorry for that 

I've just been so busy trying to get through the week 

That at the end of the day I have zero energy left 

I have been using Facebook recently 

It's been fallout of the month 

And I've been very open there 

Maybe too open 

So I'm going to give it a rest for a while 

And just concentrate on getting well

I really don't want to give up my course 

But at the same time 

I need to take care of myself and my mental health 

So I missed yesterday 

And this morning was pretty horrible trying psych myself up to go in

I drive myself in to the bus 

And waited at the bus stop

I was having a fight with myself whether to go in or not 

But I had the bridal to return 

So I got on the bus 

I walked over to school 

And met my class mates 

They were lovely 

And gave me big hugs 

I then spoke to my tutor 

And she said it was fine to take some time off 

She also said she would make an appointment with the school counsellor for me 

I also contacted Mary 

And have an appointment with her next week 

I will also see my doctor 

And my psychiatrist 

I really want to build myself up over the next few days 

And get my strength back 

So I can be fighting fit when I return next week

I just need some me time 

I threw myself in to this course at full speed 

Now it's starting to catch up on me

And I am flagging 

So 

Over the next few days 

I'm going to rest 

Relax 

Recouperate 

Lots of Honey and Lea time 

I also have some work to do at home so I will try to keep up with everyone else 

Of course now I am wondering if I did the right thing taking time off 

And I feel like did I do the right thing?

But I have to trust my gut 

And go with that 

I'm just a bit worried about falling behind  

And missing out 

But look

I have made the decision now 

So I just have to go with it

And trust that I know me best 

And know when I need to slow down 

And cool the jets

I'm also hoping to catch up on you blogs 

And get up to date with what's happening with y'all 

And as for me?

I guess I need to sort a few things out 

Especially how open I am about my issues

As after writing about them on FB

I felt really exposed and vulnerable 

I asked people what they thought about writing such things on such an open forum 

I got a mixed response 

Some said it was a brave thing to do 

Some said it could put me in a very vulnerable position

I am undecided 

But I will give it a rest for a few days

Just to breathe 

And to sort my head out 

That's me 

I'm not perfect 

I never professed to be 

I am flawed 

I have a mind that works faster than I can process the information

I have a wild imagination

Some might call that paranoia 

I've been known to read too much in to things 

And over think until my brain hurts

Edit: I am now back home 

I've been here an hour 

And already I'm bored silly

Now I'm regretting saying I'll take some time off 

And am thinking about going in to tomorrow and Friday 

And taking Monday and Tuesday of for appointments

If I seem a bit all over the place 

It's because I am

I'm restless 

Uneasy 

Anxious 

Where ever I am 

I want to be somewhere else 

I don't know 

I guess I will play it by ear

Watch this space 

I will keep you updated....