When one door closes....

....another window opens

And it's so true!

I went in to school on Tuesday to officially sign off of my course

I wasn't looking forward to going in

And seeing everyone 

But as luck would have it

I only ran in to a couple of the girls 

And they were lovely 

I had to go to one of my tutors 

He asked how things were going 

I told him I was struggling 

And needed to take some time off

He said the door is always open 

And that I had been doing really well with my course work

Pity he didn't tell me that at the time 

I could have done with some positive feedback 

Anyway 

I am now off the course 

And I have to tell you 

It's like a weight lifted off my shoulders

And I'm not the only one 

Three other girls have left too

But I'll get back to that 

I went home feeling relieved 

If a little sad about what to do next 

I got home 

Later on 

My sister came in from work

And said she needed to speak to me 

Apparently 

There is a guy she works with 

Who has a pony 

And needs help looking after him

My interest was instantly peaked 

The horse is a piebald cob

He used to belong to travellers 

Who used him to pull vehicles 

And generally didn't treat him well 

His present owner has him about a year 

And up until recently he had a horsey companion who unfortunately died 

So the owner thinks the pony is lonely 

I immediately emailed the owner 

Who sent me information and pictures 

The pony has been renamed Coco

And needs help to be caught 

And fed

So I am going to visit Coco and his owner tomorrow 

And I don't need to tell you 

I am super excited!

I am going to show that pony so much love he won't know what hit him

But first things first 

We need to be introduced 

We need to build a relationship and trust 

And I have  I doubt it will take time 

Patience is not a virtue I possess 

Being a greedy addict 

I want everything now!

I just know this pony is going to teach me so much 

I haven't even met him and I love him already!

Now I know I made the right decision about my course 

This is what I want to be doing 

Helping animals that have had a bad start in life 

And show them love and care and trust 

I just know me and Coco are going to be besties...

In other news

I went back to horse therapy this week

Back with my friends 

And my buddy Star

It was amazing 

I loved every second

I would post pictures but this app won't let me for some reason

By the way

If anyone wants to be friends on Facebook

Email me and I'll give you my name

I also met one of the girls from my course for tea yesterday 

She also has left the course 

We had a great chat 

And compared notes about our experience 

We are a similar age 

And we both found the classroom difficult 

The gossip

Discussing everyone's business 

We came to the conclusion that our horsemanship tutor was great 

But our horse riding instructor was really tough going 

The atmosphere in that stables was tense 

We were shouted at 

Ridiculed 

I was a nervous wreck going to the stables each week

To the point that I was dreading going in 

I also had to question where I was going after the course 

And what kind of job I wanted to get 

I now know that my heart lies in the rescue of animals 

I'm not really interested in competing or anything like it 

I want to help horses and donkeys 

That is my calling I think

And of course horse riding is a great hobby

For both physical and mental exercise 

All I know is that animals make me so happy 

My own dogs are two life savers 

I can't even begin to tell you how much they mean to me 

Which is why I was so upset over Leas recent diagnosis 

She is doing well though 

She gets her meds every morning 

She's eating and drinking well

Her form is good 

She is on rest thoughts 

So no walkers for her

Which I think she is finding tough

The vet recommended swimming though 

So when the weather improves I will bring her to the natural pool down at the beach

She is going back to the vet next week

So hopefully she continues up stay well

As for me?

I am doing pretty good 

I feel stable 

My body feels strong and able

Purging is a rarity 

And I'm not restricting or weighing 

I look ok

I don't love it 

But I don't hate it either 

I was speaking with my Dad this morning 

We were in the supermarket 

And he asked me if I needed Anything 

I said no

I didn't need anything 

He reminded me of the days I used up but bags of shopping every day

Spending a fortune on food that would eventually be flushed down the drain

It. Was. Bat shit crazy! 

I was a woman possessed 

I spent my days eating and purging 

Weighing myself multiple times a day 

My mood as well as my weight was like a yo-yo

Very unstable 

Very out of control

It was pretty scary 

To feel like I just couldn't stop

I used to wake up in the night 

And eat a packet of biscuits no bother to me

Now the thought of purging makes me come out in a cold sweat 

Now I eat little abs often 

I don't binge 

I don't restrict 

At this point 

I must stress

That things are by no means perfect 

They never will be 

And that's ok 

I am doing my level best 

And I am as close to happy as I have ever been 

But I must admit 

Like a typical addict 

I tend to look for replacements for the issue that I have under control

And for the last couple of years 

That addiction has bounced to my spending money 

Namely on clothes

Last year 

When I was working 

I was earning a nice little wage 

I saved nothing

Nada 

Not a red cent 

I spent all my money on Fatface and Superdry and Roxy 

My room is bursting at the seams with hoodies and jeans and shoes and boots 

It's ridiculous 

More madness

I see something in line 

And I think to myself 

'If I had that jacket, my life would be complete!'

I buy it 

I get the parcel in the post 

I feel excited opening it

Trying it on 

And the novelty soon wears off

Then

I'm straight back on the web looking at more clothes 

Make of that what you will

I gave an addictive personality 

When I become interested in something 

I am so enthusiastic 

So eager to learn and do and help

Now that I have realised the madness of my internet shopping 

That issue had to be replaced 

And it has been replaced 

By horses 

Which is pretty healthy compared to some of my own past addictions and obsessions

At least I can't harm myself or anyone around me 

This is just me. 

When I like something 

I love it and just want to be around it all the time 

And will do anything to do so

This is why I made a good addict 

Single minded and stubborn to the bitter end 

But 

Even though I go from zero to sixty in jig time 

It can be a good thing 

I get things done quickly and efficiently 

But it also means I tend not to pace myself 

And jump in feet first without thinking things through 

I guess it's both a blessing and a curse 

So

I think that is all the news from my world 

Lots of positive things happening 

I feel good about the future 

I feel positive that everything will be ok

I will be ok

 I

Will

Be

Ok....