Week 2

Yesterday

I finished my second week at work

I've also been looking after my Dad this week as my Mam was away

It was a long week

And it's so lovely to have a few days off

On Sunday 

I worked the 4-12am shift alone 

I was anxious before it

As I've never done that shift before 

As you can imaging I spent the whole week thinking about it

Almost dreading it

I would rather not be there on my own

But there was only 15 staying in the house 

So only one person is needed on every shift

Yesterday I was on 8-4pm

So rather than going hint and conning back a few hours later 

I decided to stay the night there

It was Avery quiet night 

And I spent a couple of hours just chatting with the guests 

It's funny how something I was dreading so muchg

Can turn around and flip what you expected 

I think about the run up to my starting work

I was a complete basket case 

And really wasn't sure if I would be able to start I felt that bad

But now

Two weeks later 

And I am now wondering what I was so worried for 

Basically working there is like running a big house

It's not complicate at all

But it is hard work

Am on my feet all day

Running between three floors 

Lots of lifting and physical work

And it's busy

But I would rather be busy than bored any day of the week

It's like a big never ending circle 

You set and serve breakfast 

And by the time you havr everything washes and put away 

It's time to start lunch

So it's a bit like ground hog day

But it's very satisfying to have a sparkling and shiny kitchen at the end of the day

I've also made some new friend at work which is lovely 

Our manager is very good at choosing her work staff

Everyone is sound, hard working and easy to get along with 

So I am a happy camper all round

The only thing about work

Is that I'm not getting to see Coco as much 

I used to see him every day without fail

But now it's four times a week

Which is still good I guess

I am doing my best though 

And the time I do have with him is very special

Unfortunately 

Relations with Cocos owner are breaking down 

He is being very difficult 

Not an easy person to deal with

I texted him this morning about enclosing Coco in a smaller area

He texted me back to 'go ahead'

This made my blood boil

As he knows good and well that I can't do it alone 

And even if I could 

The expense should not fall to me

I've already spent a lot of money on Coco 

And to expect me to pay for fencing is just not on

Technically when it comes down to it

It's not my land or my pony 

And really his owner needs to take some responsibility to look after his own animal

I have brought Coco on so much 

To the pony where he trusts me

And his best friend Lea

I could actually see this coming 

His owner has been a smart arse from the start

I've had to bite my tongue thus far

But no more 

Even though I love Coco 

And would do anything for him

I'm not prepared to be tested like a door mat

He is messing with the wrong girl..

Another option I have is that I buy Coco 

And move him to a field nearer to me

I have someone in mind to ask

So that could be a possibility 

Whatever happens 

I am not turning my back on the pony 

I'm way too involved now

In other news 

Summer is here 

Although you wouldn't know it in this country

Having gained weight 

I am not thrilled at the prospect of getting my arms and legs out

I know it's bad but I've been tanning 

As it makes looking at myself a little less painful 

But to be honest 

My ED feels very far away now

I don't even think about it really

And even at this weight 

It doesn't really bother me that much 

Yea I know

I'm confused too

But weight has come to be of little importance to me recently 

I never though I would hear myself say it

But I am not a size 10-12 European 

I have curves 

I have boobs galore

My thighs are substantial 

But I am more curious and interested than anything 

Of course this means I am in the process of buying new clothes 

And dressing a new shape

I've discovered that instead of trying to Hide myself in tent like clothes 

It's much much better to embrace my curves 

And make the most of my shape

I don't need to tell you that this is massive progress

I have foung that in recover, the body recovers first 

And it takes the kind a lot longer to get better 

But ladies let me tell you that it's worth the wait

To feel

Comfortable in your own skin is just amazing 

Better than any weight loss 

Better than seeing the number on the scales go down

I shit you not!

I am just so grateful to be in a good place

And I am blessed and lucky to have a crack team of family and friends around me

Who have carried me when I thought I couldn't go on

Recovery is a team effort 

I think often times the families and friends around the sufferer are almost forgotten about 

Addiction, mental health and other conditions effect the whole family 

The whole family lives through it

It's the same in recovery 

Families need support

They need to be minded too

As they are the ones who got us through 

Who held us 

Let us cry on their shoulder 

Who forgave us 

And never gave up on us

They are brilliant without a doubt 

So thank you 

To all the Mams, Dads, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunties, uncles, children, friend and not forgetting the animals in our lives 

They are to be celebrated

Because without them

God knows where we would be

I'll leave it there for today 

Thank you for reading 

And for being there

From the bottom of my heart

Thank you💜