Did you know?

Did you know  that people who are the strongest are usually the most sensitive?



Did you know that people who are the kindest are usually the first to be mistreated?

That those who laugh the loudest are the very ones who are crying on the inside?



Did you know that the people who look after others are the ones that really need to be looked after?

That people who have been through the most hardship are the ones who have the most hope?



Did you know that those who have been to hell truly know what heaven feels like?

That those who have the most fear truly know what courage is?

Did you know that those who have next to nothing really know what gratitude is?




Did you know that those of us with the hardest exterior usually have the softest interior?

That those who talk the most really say nothing at all?

That we can say more with one gesture than we can with a thousand words?

That those who say nothing are the ones that need to be listened to most?













Did you know that even the most beautiful people can be truly ugly on the outside?

That sometimes we need to surrender in order to gain control?

That it's possible to feel lonely even when you're surrounded by people?

 

Did you know that sometimes we have to let the ones we love the most go?

That sometimes the greatest gift we can give someone is telling them no?

That in order to see the light we have to experience the darkness?



Did you know that the greatest gifts our parents can give us are roots and wings?

That we need rules and laws in order to be free?

That sometimes it takes losing ourselves to find out who we truly are?

Did you know that the hardest things to say are 'I love you', 'I'm sorry' and most of all 'Help me'

Medication Monday

Monday
I usually look forward to Mondays
Monday is doctor day
Medication day
Medication Monday
My appointment is at 9am every Monday morning
Purposefully made at that time so I am first and  don't have to wait long
Usually I have a quick chat with my doctor
Today I told him about my weekend spent severely constipated
I'll spare you the gory details
Although I will say that it involved horrific pain, my stomach bloating so much I looked 9 months pregnant and a healthy dose of laxatives and suppositories
I collected my precious scripts and headed to the pharmacy
My pharmacist is not the friendliest person
Not like the old pharmacist
He always made sure to ask how I was doing
This girl only speaks to me to tell me of their current special offers
I wander around looking at make up and perfume as I wait for my meds
I chat to some of the staff who know me well by this stage
The pharmacist calls my name
I pay, thank her and leave
I get back to car where my dogs are waiting patiently
I turn on the radio, light a cigarette and rest it in the ash tray
Now at this stage I usually rip open my bag  of meds
Drink about 2-3 days of methadone
2 days of anti anxiety meds
And maybe 2 days of anti depressants
Then I take my dogs for a run on the beach as I wait for the meds to kick in
I usually head home, blog and spend the rest of the day in a haze of sleep and cigarettes
Repeat Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday
Time loses all meaning until I wake up on Friday morning and try to piece together the events of the past few days



So this is what I would usually be doing today
But a phonecall yesterday changed all that
My father spends the weeks with me
My parents are separated the last 12 years
But my mother still works where we used to live so during the week they swap houses
My Dad comes up here and my mother goes and stays in his house
Strange I know but it works for them
So my Dad rang yesterday
He asked me very politely to take my meds properly this week
He said he couldn't remember the last time he had a proper conversation with me
Or the last time I was lucid
He said I wasn't giving my dogs as much attention
In short, he asked me to hand over my meds to him and my mother
So they can control how I take them
I've had this conversation with one or other of my parents so many times over the years
They express concern and frustration
I agree to take them properly
And I do for  a while but in the end I always end up abusing them again
Lather, rinse, repeat



Having said all that I do have an issue with taking these meds at all
Olanzapine and mirtazapine have the notorious side effect of weight gain
They stimulate the appetite
So therein lies my problem
I can either abuse them, enjoy oblivion but risk over eating, thus binging and purging
Or I can not take them at all, restrict but have to deal with reality
Of course I do realise there is another option
Take them as prescribed and be careful not to over eat
But I've never been one to opt for the happy medium
I tend to be a person of extremes
All or nothing
Black or white
Take them all or none at all
So what's this messed up girl to do?
I'm throwing the question out to you
Do you have any experience with these drugs?
How did you manage?
Do you think I should continue to take them?
I really can't decide

Unfollowed

In the last couple of weeks I noticed that I've lost 3 followers
Now I'm by no means devastated by this but it does make me wonder why
Has this happened to anyone else?
What would make you unfollow a blog?
Answers on a postcard please.....

Competition time!

I noticed that a few other blogs were running competitions and give aways
So to do something different I decided to run one here

The prizes are the best that I could come up with
I wanted to include something Irish so that's the 'Get up and go Irish diary'
It's a 2013 diary that's filled with quotes and positive affirmations
I had one last year and found it very useful
Also a book 'Anorexia, a stranger in the family' by Katie Metcalfe
Angel cards
And also a l'Occitanne hand cream

The competition opens today, runs all week and will close next Thursday at midnight
Please bear in mind that if you win I will need your address so if you're not comfortable with that maybe don't enter

And so the question

Describe you or your life in 6 words

I'll announce the winner next Friday
We'll communicate by email to get the winners address and then I'll post the prizes to you

Good luck!! x