On the radio....

It's been a busy week

Last Monday did an interview with a local newspaper 

About my story 

And it bring EDAW 

It was very timely 

I did my best 

And I did it for all ED sufferers

Whether you are in the midst of your illness 

Or in recovery 

I did it for you 

The newspaper came out today 

It was a good article 

And both mine and Mary's main points were covered 

Today I did an interview on local radio

Which was an experience let me tell you 

Again Mary was with me 

And we both got through it 

At times I looked to Mary for support 

And she would give me a little wink to let me know I was doing ok 

I have to tell you 

It was nerve wrecking 

And I was a bit of a nervous wreck 

Sitting in the studio

Waiting for my cue

Was pretty terrifying 

But once I started to speak

I was ok

T he interviewer was very good 

And had obviously done some research about the subject

At one point

After he had asked a question

I am went completely blank

I couldn't remember the question

What I was talking about

And what the fell was going on

But somehow I managed to pick it up again

And I don't think it was noticed 

In the middle of the interview 

One of my friend texted in to the show 

And I have him a shout out which was funny

I really did my best though 

And try to cover the main points 

Dispel the myths 

And advice for people who are struggling 

All too soon 

It was over 

And the relief was massive 

I was glad just to have got through it 

And I hope it goes somewhat to help others who are suffering 

Tomorrow I have another interview on radio

And then I am finished thank God

I am not cut for this craic

It's exhausting 

But so worth doing 

I got some feedback after the interview 

It was all very positive 

And great to hear people's thoughts 

Helping people with an ED can be a minefield 

What do you say?

What do you not say?

When do you play good cop?

And when do you play bad cop?

I think you have to judge each case individually 

Sometimes it's appropriate to be gentle 

And sometimes stronger words are needed

I guess I am in the position now that I've seen the benefits of recovery 

And I know there is no need to suffer 

So it can be frustrating to watch someone self destruct again and again

I can only imagine what my family went through over the years 

Endless patience is a must when dealing with EDs

Look

I am no poster girl for recovery 

I make mistakes every single day 

I say the wrong thing

Do the wrong thing

But I know that my heart is in the right place 

And I just want the best for those around me

Anyway

I missed Coco today

Am going straight over to see him tomorrow adternoon

And tell him all about my adventures 

Because he has been part of my recovery too

He's part of the jigsaw puzzle that is my life and my recovery

If you would like to listen to the interview

You can find it on line 

Google Ocean FM

And look for the podcasts and Ruth's story

Yes 

Now you know my real name 

But if you get a chance 

Have a listen

I'd love to know what you think...

EDAW

As you may know

Eating Disorders Awareness Week starts the 27th February running until March 5th

Mary contacted me last week

To ask me if I would be interested in doing a couple of interviews with local press

So today I did a phone interview with a local newspaper 

It was all done on speaker phone 

And Mary was interviewed too

I hope we did a good job

As I'm very aware when doing these things that I am speaking for our whole community 

The interviewer was lovely 

Very kind and gentle 

And asked very intelligent questions 

Not just looking for the gory details 

I was quite a nervous nelly this morning 

But I was delighted to do something that might help others in the same situation

The press officer for our national health service gave a press release today 

And I was asked to supply a quote

I write a few lines about the myths surrounding EDs

And encouraged those suffering to reach out and seek help

Also

I am doing an interview on local radio next Monday morning 

That will be challenging as it will be live 

But again 

I am privileged to be speaking for our community 

I don't know if these publications will be on line 

But I will certainly keep you posted

I was away this weekend 

And I missed my dogs and Coco something serious 

Can't wait to see Coco tomorrow

And it will be intetesting to see how he reacts when he sees me

I spoke this morning about how much animals have helped in my recovery 

My dogs 

My horse riding 

Coco

They are a huge part of my life now

And really make life worth living 

Must dash

Just wanted to let you know about EDAW

See you in the next post....

The next chapter...

Recently

I have been feeling that my blog is coming to a natural end

It's five years now since I started writing 

And it felt like it might be time to stop

Where once I relied so much on this blog

And the people here 

Now I am living life 

And don't rely on it as much 

As well as that 

Blogger is so very quiet 

And i tend to use Facebook more

So I had been thinking about writing my last post

When it occurred to me

I can still write 

But instead of focusing on my eating disorder and addiction

I can write about what's happening for me now 

Because there is lots happening

I'm in a group on Facebook called Friendly Horse Chat 

And that's mostly where I post now

I asked the lovely people there 

If they would be interested in reading my blog 

And I got a great response 

So I will share the link with them

In other words 

I'm not going anywhere 

Just taking a different path

I'm away for the weekend 

And I have to be honest with you 

I am missing Coco something serious 

I usually spend my Saturday with him 

So I feel a bit lonely for him

I know it's only two days 

But I don't feel right until I get my daily dose of Coco

We went to a musical last night 

And I spent the interval watching videos of him

Yes 

I have  it bad 

I love that little guy so much

And I will probably text his owner today to see how he is 

But of course I'm missing the dogs too

That goes without saying 

Things are going well with Coco

He even got me a Valentine's rose 

I know it was from Cocos owner 

But we will pretend it was from Coco 

I think I am making progress with him 

He seems quite comfortable around me now 

And has no problem thoroughly investigating me every time I visit him

I usually bring Lea or both dogs with me 

And we all run around the field like lunatics

I love to see Coco having fun

Running and bucking and frolicking 

It's such a lovely sight

I am learning like a complete looper running around the field 

But I really enjoy it 

And that is the main thing

In other news 

I've done four weeks of my horse course now 

Two more to go

I'm loving it 

And even though it's mostly stuff I've done before 

It's great to go over it again

The last few weeks I've been in a new riding group

With two other girls 

We all canter so I guess it makes sense to put us together 

I am thoroughly enjoying riding again 

My confidence had been knocked in my course before Christmas 

But I feel I am back feeling good again 

The last two weeks 

I've been on a new horse called Leroy

Who is a big boy

But a gentle giant with it

It's been so exciting riding a new horse 

And it feels like it just works 

Like it's all coming together 

I've also been thinking about the horsemanship course I was doing

And I think I'd like to go back to it at some point 

I feel like I have unfinished business there 

But 

I will wait and see what happens 

Life has been taking me on such unexpected journeys recently 

So I'm excited to see what happens next

Life is good at the moment 

I feel happy and content 

I spend my days with the animals in my life 

And I just love it!

So yes 

I am sticking around for the moment 

I would have to stop writing this blog 

As it has been a life line over the years 

And back a few years ago 

Blogger was buzzing 

And it was really exciting to be part of it 

Now it is so quiet 

Which is a shame 

But I guess like me 

People have gone in to use other social media 

Like Facebook and Instagram

If you are interested 

I am goon to keep writing 

And let you know about my recovery rather than my illness 

Or if there is anything you would like me to write about in particular 

Do let me know 

Eating Disorders Awareness Week is coming up soon 

My counsellor Mary has asked me to do a couple of interviews with local newspapers and radio stations 

Which I will do 

I was also contacted my a journalist from a national tabloid newspaper and asked to do an interview 

I am unsure whether to do it or not 

As they have already asked for photos 

And I'm pretty sure they will be after the gory details like numbers, food diaries etc

But in fairness 

The journalist who contacted me has been quite tactful 

And says she wouldn't want me to do the interview if it would hinder my recovery 

I said I would think about it over the weekend 

But I was wondering what you guys thought 

Have you ever done an interview?

If you were me 

Would you do it?

I am very reluctant to give photos 

But I would be willing to give a head shot of when I was ill

I don't think I would be comfortable sharing a full body shot

Anyway 

I  would love to know your thoughts

Also before I go 

Hello and welcome to all my new readers!

I hope you get something from my blog and it's a pleasure to have your company 

Happy Saturday everyone!

See you on the next post!

Monday

I really do apologise for my lack of posting

I guess I have been busy living 

And I don't have the time to be writing as much as I used to

Back when I was in the midst of my illness 

I had nothing but time 

And posted every day

Because all I had in my life was the disorder 

It's was all I thought about 

Talked about 

Wrote about 

Read about 

But now

Well

Things are a lot different 

I have regained weight to a healthy BMI

I no longer deny myself food in order to lose weight 

I used to purge up to 20 times a day 

Now it's a rarity rather than the norm

What a transformation it has been 

A crazy ride 

But I made it out the other side

I lived to tell the tale 

Now I don't think about food the way I used to

Food used to be the enemy 

Something to be feared 

Because food meant weight 

And weight was bad

Skinny was good 

And underweight was even better 

It was a safe place 

I was a sick person

That became my identity 

But rewind about 15 years

And after dabbling in drugs for a few years

I become addicted to heroin

While using 

I stayed in various different drug houses 

Where the number one priority was drugs 

Not food 

Not heating 

Every penny went on the drug 

So I would spend a few weeks in the drug house 

Then when the money ran out 

I would go home to recharge my batteries 

I can do clearly remember going home 

And being overwhelmed by all the food in the fridge 

I was so hungry 

But I felt so guilty that I had food 

And my drug using friends didn't 

This was the start of my associating food with guilt

And I've never been the same since 

My eating disorder began here 

Although it took me a long time to make the connection

But I know now that food is not the issue 

It's a symptom of a greater problem 

For me

I know I have an addictive personality 

Coupled with the fact that I struggle to live in reality 

I have low self esteem

And long to get away from my own thoughts 

I've been addicted to many things over the years 

Shoplifting 

Exercising

Shopping

Spending money 

Drifter chocolate bars 

Enemas 

Laxatives 

Prescription meds 

I could go on and on...

The moral of the story is that I need to be careful

If I get a good feeling off something 

I tend to want it again and again 

And quickly get addicted

But at least now I am aware

And can keep an eye on my behaviour 

I've often talked about how addiction and an ED leave a gaping void when they are taken away 

Which needs to be addressed and filled with some thing healthy 

For me

I filled that void with my life of horses and animals in general 

And that is a hell of a lot better than drugs or shopping or drinking 

In other news 

I've been visiting Coco a good bit 

I usually go over three times a week

And being Mam and the dogs 

I think Coco is coming on leaps and bounds 

In the morning 

We give him a bucket of feed 

And an apple or a carrot 

After that it's play time 

And I run around the field with him and the dogs 

Coco has really taken a shine to Lea 

He follows her everywhere 

And one day when we sitting down 

He started to groom her 

Which was just adorable 

It's lovely to see Coco running and frolicking and bucking and playing

He seems to get a great kick out of all the attention he gets 

And I love to se him so happy 

Last week

I brought a grooming mitt over 

And gradually Coco let me groom his nose and face and chest 

I swear that pony has so much potential 

To watch him with Lea is just beautiful 

And he is so gentle with her   

Cocos owner Gordon  and me have been talking about getting him a companion

Gordon says it's up to me 

If I wanted to get a pony/horse for riding 

Well 

I don't need to tell you 

My eyes nearly popped out

And the excitement was massive!

The thoughts of getting my very own pony ?

That is the dream right there!

But look

I know this is something that I really shouldn't rush in to 

Ok 

So I have land 

And plenty of it 

I have a companion 

I have the benefit of the knowledge from my course 

And also Gordon who has spent his whole life around horses 

I did get some good news last week

Thdtbi have my job again in the summer 

Starting May 

This is fantastic news!

And it means I will get a chance to save money

So

The plan is to work as many hours as I can 

Save every penny 

And hopefully at the end of the season 

I will have €2000-€3000 saved 

Enough to adopt a horse 

And to get started  

There are some great horse sanctuary in this country 

And I have contacted a couple of them 

So I will keep my options open 

But you guys 

How exciting is this?

Possibly getting my very first horse!

I never though that this could actually happen 

Having my own horse. 

Would give me a reason to stay well

A reason to get up in the morning

I feel super excited 

But I won't rush in to anything 

I need to 'pace myself' as my mother says 

This is not something to be decided on a whim

I need to be prepared 

I need the funds 

And the time and energy 

It's a massive commitment and responsibility 

I want to give my prospective horse the best life possible 

I can't wait to see what this year brings 

Is it just me or does blogger seem very quiet?

Do let me know if you are out there and still reading 

Let me know that I am not alone...

Coco and Lea....BFFs

I visited Coco a couple of times this week

On Thursday with my Mam, the owner, Ruby the dog and Lea

And today just me and Lea

Coco and Lea are fast becoming besties 

Coco loves her

And follows her around the field 

Today they were running and frolicking 

It was just adorable

I brought a flask of tea 

And Coco thought this was fascinating!

As I drank my tea 

Lea lay down beside me

And Coco came over and started to groom her 

I just love how well they are getting on

After Lea's spinal diagnosis 

We were worried for her future 

But she seems to have found a new lease of life with her new buddy Coco

After a bit of investigating 

I have finally found out who owns the little white pony down the road

I have a phone number for him

It's a work number 

So I will try ringing on Monday 

I bought my first pair of 'country boots' this week

They are brown and are really a glorified welly

But they do the job out in the fields and in the yard

So yes 

The city girl in me is well and truly dead

I am now a country girl

And proud of it!

In other news 

I weighed myself this week

I don't know why 

But I was curious 

Seeing the number 

I was indifferent 

It meant nothing 

It wasn't good 

It wasn't bad 

It was what it was 

A number that holds no pleasure or pain for me anymore 

I think that is good 

I now appreciate my body a lot more 

It's strong 

It's capable 

It's able 

It allows me to go so much 

I'm no longer a physically weak girl 

Now I walk

I run

I ride horses 

I lift

I carry 

I fill out my clothes 

And I love it

But it isn't that long ago that I was in a bad place 

I know how it feels to have no hope 

No belief 

No faith

No reason to go on never mind recover 

In my that place it is incredibly difficult to take that first step in to recovery 

It's terrifying 

And the disorder that was a comfort zone 

Has now become a hiding place 

Anything beyond it I'd too much 

And too scary 

But I have to tell you 

If you do manage to take that first step 

The rewards are instant and massive 

Bigger and better than you could ever believe 

Your physical health will improve 

You will feel better 

You will think clearer 

You will make more sense 

Life will make more sense 

You will begin to see that there is life beyond the disorder 

No matter how deep you are in

It's just a matter of having the courage to shut your eyes 

Clench your fists

Lift one foot 

And take that first step 

You won't regret 

I promise you that 

I am now pretty sure that I did the right thing leaving my course 

I have no regrets 

And I am involved with horses more than ever now 

I am content 

I have moments of happiness 

I am ok 

Finally 

I am ok

Facebook

I got a few photos posted on my last post
But it won't seem to let me post the most recent Ines
If you want to add me on Facebook
Email me or leave a comment
All the photos of Coco and the last month are there....

Pictures at last!!!