Day Off

I'm taking a day off today

As in not venturing out in to the city 

And retiring to the hotels roof top terrace 

To read and catch up on sleep

And generally do very little

The past few days have been so busy

I just need a day to catch up on myself

So I will be refreshed for the rest of the holiday 

I told my family they I was taking a day off

They expressed concern

That I would overtake my meds

And possibly OD

My sister actually used the word overdose

They said it was not like being at home

They it would be a huge deal if I got ill here

Or something happened with my meds 

There have been days when I took no meds this week

In an effort to stay awake 

And keep up with my family

So today I have more meds left than I need

This morning I decided to take one days methadone as normal

And two days tablets 

Not too much

But just enough to make me slightly sleepy

I know what you are thinking

I am in one of the most exciting cities in the world 

I shouldn't want to miss a thing

But I think it's fair enough to give myself one day off 

Isn't it?

Another thing about Turkey

Everybody smokes 

And I mean everybody 

Old 

Young 

Men 

Women

All religions 

All nationalities 

Even children 

I swear I saw a group of eight or nine year old kids all with cigarettes in their hands

Puffing away 

So I'm guessing that cigarettes are very cheap here

And also it just seems to be part of the culture

It's just what people do

It's the done thing 

But honestly

I haven't had a smoke craving yet

Like the ones I've had here 

I've literally been gasping for a cigarette

Even dreaming about the damn things

It just looks so relaxing

Having a smoke with a tea or coffee

Having one after a meal 

With a drink at night 

It just looks so tempting

But so far

I have resisted 

It seems that my second year smoke free is proving more difficult than the first

I guess during the first year

I was full of motivation and gusto

And now 

Well it's just becoming like hard work

Anyway 

The cravings go as quickly as they come 

I just need to ride it out

As I said in previous posts

The poverty of this country is very in your face

I went out for five minutes this morning

And was accosted no less than four times in those few minutes

Twice by children

And twice by girls

My sister and I were sitting having a quick coffee 

They come straight up to you with their hands out 

Literally begging

It's really difficult

Because part of you wants to give them something to help

But another part of you knows that If you do give them something 

They will see begging as a source of income 

And continue to do it

As wel as using their children

Which is blatant exploitation

I know when I was living in Dublin

There were a lot of homeless people on the streets

I knew if I gave money 

The majority would use it on drugs no or drugs 

So I used to give them food

At least then you know what you are giving 

Both parties win

I love being in a city

I love the hustle and bustle

The constant noise

And this city doesn't seem to sleep at all 

I live in the country

So this is a complete change of pace for me

But I love the extremes 

The silence to the noise 

It reminds me that there is a whole world beyond my four walls

A whole host of countries and cities who are as different as they are similar 

It also reminds me that I am but a mere speck on the canvas they is this earth

This life

I am not that important 

I'm just another person

Another body 

Trying to figure out this thing we call life 

And it reminds me that I am very lucky

To live in a county where men and women are treated equally

Most of the time 

A country where I can get a good education for next to nothing 

Where I can be free to be me 

Whoever that is

Gay 

Straight

Bisexual

Trans 

I have the freedom to do and say what I like 

When I like 

Where I have the comfort of being part of the middle class

Most of my problems are first world ones

And ones that can be solved 

I know I am blessed

In so many ways

Turkey Update

It's Friday today

And our holiday is in full swing

As a dyed in the wool shopaholic

I quickly located the main shopping street 

And zoned in on the New Balance trainer shop 

Where I promptly bought a pair of navy and pink ones

It was hard to know what size to buy

As my feet have swollen in the heat 

But I think I bought the right size

Anyway

I'm happy with my purchase 

And that my friends 

Is about all that my budget will stretch to

I need to keep my budget for essentials like food and water

Today we got up early 

Had breakfast on the terrace

And my Mother and sister and I decided to take the ferry to Princes Island 

To hit the beach for some sun

As today was promised to be a scorcher 

The ferry trip was about an hour long

However the minute my Mum felt the roll of the boat in the water

She decided against going

So she headed back to the hotel 

My sister and I had a lovely boat ride

We sat on the side

With our legs dangling above the water 

And drank freshly squeezed orange juice

We arrived on the island at about 11am

Where we quickly located the nearest beach 

Two sun loungers 

And an umbrella 

I parked myself there with my book and my drink of lemonade

Happy as a pig in.....

My sister went in swimming 

I just paddled as I feel the cold too much in water 

It was a lovely day 

And as it started to get really crowded and hot

We decided to head back 

We arrived back at our port at about 4pm

And started making our way back to the hotel

We were walking up one of the many hills

When a man walked by with a shoe shine kit

As he passed me 

One if his brushes fell out and on to the ground 

I did what anyone would have done

And picked it up

As the man didn't seem to notice it had fallen 

I called his attention

He turned around 

And when he saw I had the brush

He put his hand to his heart and bowed in gratitude

Then he shook mine and my sisters hand

And asked is where we were from

We told him

Then he wanted to know if we were lost

We said we weren't

That we were heading back to our hotel

It was at this point that we looked at each other

And started to feel a little uneasy

He persisted asking us 

And then looked at my sisters trainers mans said he would clean them 

He told us to follow him

And he walked on ahead of us 

We followed but crossed the road when we could 

Again he followed us 

And would not listen when we refused his offers 

We practically had to shout at him to get him to listen

Eventually we got away from him

And thinking about it

He probably dropped the brush on purpose 

In order to engage us

But it's just that they can be so persistent 

That it's really uncomfortable

There is an awful lot of poverty here

And I gues people do what they have to do to make a buck

I suppose they think that because we are tourists 

That we have a lot of money to spare 

And maybe some people do

But I sure don't 

The poverty is very much in your face here 

Walking around the city last night

There were whole families who had set up camp at the side of the street

I mean little children and babies

It's really heart breaking 

My mother was especially upset by this

And was giving the families money

But then it's hard to know if that is the right thing to do

And then there is the question if these people are exploiting their children to pull on our heart strings 

It seems to be a city divided in to the very rich

And the very poor 

Everywhere you turn 

There are people trying to sell you anything from bottles of water to packets of tissues

I guess they have to make money some how 

In other news 

I am managing my meds a lot better

And taking my methadone during the day 

And tablets at night

That seems to be working 

So we'll go with that

Just heading out for dinner now 

Happy Friday to you all

And see you on the next post....

Eat, drink and be merry...

Our holiday thus far

Has been interesting to say the least 

Today we went to the spice market

An amazing warren of different streets and alleys

Selling everything you can think 

It was really an onslaught of the sense 

The smell of the spices

The colours

The noise of people and music

The sheer hustle and bustle was enormous 

To get to the spice market

We walked over  the Galatar bridge 

There were fisher men all standing in a row with their rods

I was attracted to one 

Who had live fish in a bucket of water

Of course neither of us spoke one another's language

But from his body language

I'm guessing he wanted me to try fishing

I shook my head no

But asked if I could throw the live fish back in to the river 

He laughed

And told his friend 

His friend called me over 

He pointed at his bucket 

Which had a few small fish

And one big one 

Before I knew what was happening 

He picked up the big fish and handed it to me

I didn't know what to do

So I just grabbed it 

And threw it over the bridge

And it landed in the water with a plop

The fisherman and my family thought this was hilarious

Next we soaked up the atmosphere outside the market

And headed for one of the many mosques 

The photos below with the scarves 

Are us going inside

They ask you to cover your shoulders, head and legs

It was really beautiful there

After that 

I wanted to but my Dad a wallet 

And my sister and Mum also wanted to buy one

We approached one man selling them

He showed us a huge variety of wallets 

And told us he would give us a discount for three

We tried to haggle

But he was having none of it

Oh well 

At least we tried 

We then went for a drink of lemonade at a little cafe

Mum wanted a piece of fruit

And asked for a banana 

The man didn't know what she as saying 

And called another man over 

Next thing there were about five men all around her

Trying to figure out what she meant

Eventually Mum got through to them 

Then we saw one of the men going to the market to buy a bunch of bananas

He came back 

And presented Mum with her banana very proudly

We were all in stitches by this point

It's great here 

The people are friendly

The food is good 

It is nicely warm 

Not too much so

Now we are heading out for dinner

So I will see you on the next post..

..

Sunset in Istanbul

What more could you want?

Cup of tea

Good book

Sunset over a beautiful city

Perfect

Turkey

It's our first proper day in Turkey 

We woke at about 8am

And headed down to the basement kitchen for breakfast

It's kind of self service here 

You just take what you want

And head up to the roof terrace

Which has some spectacular views

I was following the rest upstairs

Trying to balance my tray of beautiful food

I made my way in to the elevator 

And promptly spilled a glass of orange juice everywhere

On the floor 

On my feet 

In the elevator

A woman came and helped me clean up

And I headed up to the roof terrace

What a beautiful place to eat your breakfast 

I just had a slice of toast and an egg

As I want to keep my energy up

But I don't want to feel too full

Last night we went out for dinner

I was sure that I wouldn't like the food here 

But it was really delicious

We ordered lots of little sharing plates

Like stuffed peppers 

And various dips

Then we had two lamb dishes which were so yummy

It's nice to eat like that 

As you can just nibble away at whatever you fancy

After that 

We went back to the hotel for an early night

As we were all pretty wrecked

I've been wondering how to manage my meds while I'm here

So I've kind of been experimenting with where and when to take them 

This morning I took them as prescribed

But half way through breakfast

I was on the nod

And falling asleep

So while the others finished their food

I headed back to the room for a little nap

I slept for about 20mins

Met up with the others 

And we headed out to explore 

Our first port of call

Was the Galtara Tower

Which we climbed to see panoramic views of the city

To be honest though 

I couldn't enjoy it or appreciate it

As I was just too groggy

After about an hour 

I made the decision to go back to the hotel 

To recharge my batteries 

And have a sleep

She that's where I am now

I feel like such a light weight

And lesson learned with my meds

I will now either take them at night

Or not take the tablets at all 

All I can do now is rest

And be fighting fit for tomorrow

It's amazing 

I'm sitting here at the balcony of our room

It's 1pm

And I can hear the call to prayer in the distance 

It happens a few times a day

And there is something enchanting about hearing it

I haven't taken many photos yet 

Below is a small selection

Hopefully I will be back to myself tomorrow

And will take Istanbul by storm....

 

Quick Update

Just a short and sweet post to let you know that we arrived safe and sound in Turkey

It was nothing short of a marathon of a journey

Which started at 4am this morning 

When we had to get up to catch the bus to Dublin airport at 5 20am

I had been pre warned by my sister not to go mad with my meds the day we were travelling

So I was very good 

And just took my methadone as prescribed

I decided not to take any tablets for today

The bus journey was stressful 

As we got caught in traffic 

And made it to the airport half an hour late 

So we had to rush to check in

Going through security

I had the usual rig-ma-role of explaining about my meds 

Showing my doctors letter and so on

There's never a problem with it

They just check it because methadone is in liquid form 

We met up with my brother and his partner then

And headed to the gate 

We boarded the plane at 11am

It was a four hour flight

During which I watched two movies

Had something to eat

And also had a little drinky-poo

Ssshhh

Don't tell anyone

We had a taxi prebooked

So when we landed 

We just had to find it

And off we went to the hotel

Where we arrived just before 8pm

I swear the driver drove up the steepest hill I have ever seen 

Scary stuff!

So we are here 

It's our first night

We are wrecked tired but excited to be here 

We are going to get something to eat 

And crash for the night

Here are some photos from today....

Prior preparation prevents poor performance

So it's Monday again

Start of another week

It's hard to believe that it's almost October 

Next thing will be Halloween 

And then 

Well you know what's next after that

I won't say the word 

As I know a lot of people hate that time of year

I love holidays 

Especially Halloween

And the C word

So it's a great time of year for me in that respect

And speaking of holidays 

Tomorrow we are off to Turkey!

We depart at precisely 5 20am tomorrow morning 

I love getting up at an unGodly hour

Getting the bus

Going to the airport

I love it all 

Airports are such interesting places

Especially for people watching 

Packing started earlier this week

I threw everything in to my case

But when I saw how neatly my Mum and sister packed 

I took everything out again

And started fresh

I also did a cull of my clothes

As I had everything but the kitchen sink in there 

I'm a terrible packer

I always bring far too many clothes

I bring clothes I haven't worn in years 

You know 

Just in case 

Better to be safe than sorry I guess

I was in the doctors waiting room this morning 

And there was a girl in there with a really cool hair cut 

Her hair was shaved like mine 

Except on both sides

So the hair in the middle was like a small Mohawk

I am seriously considering getting it done when I come back 

I just have such an urge to do something drastic with my look

Something totally different for me

I guess I am playing around with my lol for a few months now 

I just want to experiment 

And change my look

For so long 

I concentrated on my weight

It was my be all and end all

But now I want to be defined by something other than my weight 

In a moment sadism 

I went to weigh myself the other day

But to my delight 

My scale wasn't working

Do I have no earthly clue what my weight is 

And you know what?

I have absolutely no shit to give

Not one iota 

And it feels great 

I was trying on clothes for my holiday

Dresses and skirts and tops 

I am slowly but surely finding out how to dress my shape in the best way

And developing my own style

It's great the way you can play around with clothes 

And find out what suits 

For Turkey

I am bringing lots of skirts and light trousers 

As well as a couple of dresses

While trying on clothes 

I was able to see what looks good on me

What is not so good 

And was able to do all this without having a major meltdown about how I look

That my friends 

Is progress

I had to get a letter from my doctor this morning

To say that I will be carrying 448mls of methadone

It's a controlled drug

And it's also in liquid forms so they always check it

But I have been all around the world with my meds

And have never had a problem

I was home

And putting my letter in my hand bag

When I found a letter from last when I went to the UK

I was surprised to see that I was on ten mls less of methadone back then

That is a distinct lack of progress 

And is in fact going backwards

It makes me wonder will I ever come off this drug

And the thing is

I would be perfectly happy to stay on it for the rest of my life

Once an addict

Always an addict 

I'm assuming I can blog from Turkey 

I will keep you all updated 

And of course supply you with many many photos