My so called life

God I am so angry with myself today

I spent most of yesterday sleeping so I didn't binge and purge at all so was feeling pretty good.
That was until I stepped on the scale this morning.
Is it even possible to gain 2 pounds overnight? Well apparently it is.
I bypassed disappointment, sadness and anxiety and went straight to anger.
Anger at what a complete pig person I am.
What a disgusting lump of lard I am.
Is it my imagination or do my jeans feel tighter?

I wish I could unzip my skin and step out of it.

I had an appointment with my new therapist Mary this afternoon but I could barely concentrate on what she was saying.  She weighs me every few appointments and she weighed me today.
It reads even higher than my scale.

I lose it and start crying. Not tears of sadness but tears of pure temper. It's all I can do to not pick up the scale and bounce it off the wall. The number on the scale dictates my mood for the day and if it goes up it ruins my day, week, month.

I don't hear a word she says after that. I'm already putting a plan together to lose weight.
I think it's time for a a good old fashioned fast.  Only tea with sweetener is allowed or if I get really weak I'll allow myself a slice of toast once a day.  Just popped a diet pill to help me get started.
So am gonna try to channel this anger into motivation.


My lowers ever weight was 77 pounds. Have to get back there. It's all that matters right now.

I have a wedding in July so am gonna aim to have lost 15 pounds by then.

It will happen. I will be skinny again.

Much love,

Ruby tuesdayxxx