Suck it up Ruby

Good morning lovely ladies,
I hope this post finds you happy and healthy.

I woke up this morning late, I always sleep late after taking too much meds. I was sitting having a cup or tea and a cigarette when I put my hand to my hair. I felt something sticky and crumbly and when I looked in the mirror I saw chocolate matted in to my hair.I must've fallen asleep on a chocolate bar. This is just one example of things that happen when I take too much meds. Very classy Ruby. And yet I never learn my lesson and no doubt I will take my meds in the same way again today.

Speaking of today, I'm seeing Mary in a couple of hours. I've decided to pull up my big girl pants and confess to her about the shoplifting. I have to do it and I know she won't judge me but that doesn't make it any easier.
I'm sure she will have dealt with this kind of thing before and will have some advice for me.
I'll let you know how I get on.

As I was walking my dogs in the woods this morning I felt an overwhelming sense of relief to be away from my heroin addicted days. I know I am still reliant on methadone and meds but that is nothing compared to heroin addiction. I thought about my first time in drug treatment and thought I would share it with you.
I wrote recently about the opiate blocker implant I got in London and soon after that I travelled to Dublin to attend treatment. It was September and I was just about to turn 23. I had really no interest in going to treatment but I needed time away from drugs and I also did it for my family. I was about 84lbs but I had no idea that I had an eating disorder as well as a drug addiction. I was the only  girl for the first couple of days but then a girl called Anna came in. We soon became partners in crime. She had an eating disorder too and I saw a lot of myself in her. She actually helped me to admit to my food issues and I am forever grateful for that.
Our friendship wasn't always healthy though and she soon started to smuggle in hash to the treatment centre.
I had never been much of a hash smoker but I smoked with her out the window of her bedroom. We also abused aerosol cans. I remember one night inhaling a can in my room, I was smoking a cigarette when I passed out. When I woke up the cigarette wass burning a hole in my cheek.
We continued to use until we were eventually caught. We weren't kicked out but Anna soon left after that.
Because of the aerosol cans aerosols were banned in the centre after that and everyone had to use roll ons.
After Anna left I started to settle down and got stuck in to the programme. They helped me a lot with my food and weight gain and I made good progress.
Things started to change when a couple of lads my own age came in. I wrote before how I started to see one of these lads after I left treatment. I started getting in trouble again and stopped talking so much in group as I didn't want these lads to think less of me. My key worker tried to get me to see sense and engage in the programme again but I was falling for this boy and all I wanted to do was impress him.
As I wrote before there was a lot of midnight meetings in the centre, people hooking up. I however never did this. After 6 months my time was coming to an end, I still had a lot of work  to do so I went straight to another treatment centre on a farm. It was supposed to be for a year but I only lasted a month.
On returning home I hooked up with that boy and promptly relapsed.
That was my first treatment admission.

I must dash so I won't be late for Mary, wish me luck,

Much love to you xxx