Trip down memory lane

The weather here is crazy today,
It's supposed to be summer but it feels more like a winters day with rain, wind and the mountains are shrouded in mist. No walkies today so I have two very cabin feverish dogs running around my kitchen.

I got a text this morning from a girl I was in treatment with. I haven't heard from her in ages and we were never that close but I guess when you go through an experience like inpatient treatment together you have that bond forever. Those girls saw me at my very worst.
So we texted back and forth and she told me that she has put on loads of weight and is finding it hard to deal with. In treatment this girl was one of worst cases I have ever seen. She was anorexic and came into hospital very sick and at a scarily low weight. When I went in she had already been there 8 months and was preparing to go home. This girl was depressed a lot of the time and very needy of the nurses and our doctor.
The other girls felt she was attention seeking a lot of the time and called it 'the - show'
I mostly felt sorry for her as she was obviously in a lot of pain.
She eventually left inpatient but continued to attend as a day patient. Everyday she would come in with self harm wounds and didn't seem to handling being home all that well. I suppose to go from having 24 hour support to being home was a big transition. I know some of the other girls went to the nurse manager about her attention seeking but I mostly stayed out of it.
The last time I saw her she had put on a lot of weight and told me she had mover from restricting to binging and purging. I think this happens to a lot of anorexics and I know it happened to me too.
I mostly remember this girl keeping to herself but I do remember that every now and then I would see her wicked sense of humour because she was very sarcastic and I love sarcasm.
It was lovely to hear from her, I often wonder how the girls from there are doing. I hear from some of them but you can only say so much in a text.
Treatment is such a unique experience, we saw each other the day we came it beaten and bruised from our eating disorders, then all the highs and lows along the way and finally leaving a different person inside and out.
I'll never forget those girls and have a place in my heart for each of them.

Then when I came home from shopping I turned on the radio and heard a song I have not heard in years.
It's funny how a song can bring you right back in time. It reminded me of when I first started going to nightclubs at age 15. Me and my best friend used to sneak out and head for the dance club in town.
It had a terrible reputation for drugs but that just made it even more attractive to me. My mother called it a 'den of iniquity'. It was in this club that I took exstacy for the first time and got up to all kinds of mischief.
Ah the memories.

I was supposed to be seeing Mary today but I just couldn't face it so I cancelled. She then phoned me to say that she would've cancelled anyway because the weather is so bad.
I asked her had she told my doctor about me abusing my meds and she said she had.
I would've liked the opportunity to tell him myself but I know she has to cover her ass.
So he now knows. I'm not looking forward to my appointment with him on Monday, in fact I'm dreading it but I know it's the right thing to do and I really am trying to do the right thing.

Yesterday was a good day. I didn't binge or purge at all. I can't remember the last time I had a day binge/purge free. Also I didn't shoplift and paid for all my items like a normal person so that makes me feel good, doing the right thing also gives me piece of mind. The lovely Peridot commented that I don't want my photo put up in shop staffrooms all over town and she is right, that would be beyond mortifying and is another deterrent so thank you Peridot.

It's a day for cuddling up on the couch with a blazing fire so that's what I'm off to do.

Thanks for reading this and much love to you xxx