Adventures In Cork

First I want to say a big THANK YOU to the lovely Aggy over at Rhinocratic Oaths for nominating me for an award. I will get around to doing the rules some time this weekend
Love you Aggy you are an inspiration!

My trip to Cork got off to an interesting start
Tuesday morning myself, my sister, my mother and my aunt piled in to my mothers little Yaris and set off on our 'girlies road trip'
I had been suffering the mother of all toothaches for a few days already, hoping against hope that it would go away of it's own accord
But the thought of the 6 hour drive to Cork was to much to bear so I made the announcement that I need to see a dentist 'tout suite'
At this point I must stress how much I hate going to the dentist
Years of drug abuse, methadone and bulimia have really taken their toll on my teeth and every time I go to the dentist he finds a multitude of things wrong
I was lucky (or unlucky) enough to be seen straight away at the first dentist I called in to
My sister came with me for moral support
The dentist examined my teeth and came to the conclusion that I needed 1 extraction and 8, yes 8 fillings
Next he stuck me in the mouth with 2 enormous needles and I was left alone to wait for my gum to numb
A few minutes later and I'm all numb
I really couldn't feel any pain as he tried to yank my tooth out but the noises alone were enough to make me pull my knees up to my chest and pray for him to finish quickly
With one last crack and crunch he pulled the guilty culprit out
Relief, oh the relief
He then called my sister in and spoke to her like she was my mother
I'm sure he thought I was a lot younger than I actually am
So I made another appointment for another 2 fillings next week, I'm dreading it already
He was a lovely man though, I had to tell him I was on methadone and he was concerned but wasn't patronising the way so many people can be
So all in all it was a pretty positive experience and I was able to continue our road trip

I have to admit I wasn't looking forward to the drive down so I dosed myself with medication and slept most of the way
Eventually we arrived at our B & B, myself and my sister sharing a room
I love being around my sister, we act like a couple of dorks and crack each other up
She really is a good influence, she's a good person with just the right amount of crazy
Of course food was a problem and bulimia showed up uninvited but doesn't she always do that
Just because I'm on holiday doesn't mean she is
Breakfast was included in the B&B and it was actually a bit of a revelation for me
I never eat breakfast and do most of my eating in the evening
But while I was away I had a cooked breakfast, bacon, egg and sausage
It filled me but it wasn't too filling and it kept me going until the evening
Why wasn't I told about breakfast before?, I mean where have I been that I didn't realise this already
Mary is always telling me to eat breakfast, that it's the most important meal of the day but part of me didn't quite believe her
I know protein keeps you fuller for longer but I usually go for carbs
I won't be having a cooked breakfast every morning but I'll definitely be having something from now on so I won't get so hungry that I need to binge

I wrote in my last post about how I put my 'anorexic' jeans away
So I decided to get a pair to replace them
So I went in to fat face and tried on a lovely navy pair in a size UK 8
I thought they fit perfectly in the shop but then wearing them I realised they were too big
Part of me is secretly happy they are too big and it is slightly triggering
I 've been lucky enough to have had 2 holidays this summer and I suppose both my eating disorder and recovery have been put on hold
Getting away really has been the best medicine I could have taken
It has reawakened my love of travel. of people, dare I say it, of food
I guess it makes me remember that there is a whole world out there, that the world does not revolve around me and my eating disorder
I haven't weighed in a long time and that has been a huge step
I used to weigh up to 20 times a day obsessively
But I can't take the risk anymore
Those little numbers can have a devastating effect
If the number is up I spiral in to a black hole of dpression
If the number is down I sky rocket in to euphoria
Those little numbers dictate my mood, my self worth and my self esteem
It's just not worth it anymore

Instead of telling you all about Cork I thought I would post some photos instead, a picture paints a thousand words and all that

By the way the first one is of me straight after coming out of the dentist

Enjoy...................