Sisters at heart, partners in crime

My sister went back to Australis this morning
I am heartbroken
We left for the airport at 5am and I was dreading saying goodbye
As we sat and had a cup of tea, I spotted a card in a shop that said 'sisters at heart, partners in crime'
That sums up my relationship with my sister perfectly
Thankfully the goodbye was short and sweet and there weren't too many tears
It also wasn't too bad because I know I'll be seeing her again in December when myself and my mother go over for Christmas
I really will miss her though, I had become so used to her being around an now there is a sister shaped hole in the house
We tried to squeeze as much as we could in to her last couple of days
On Monday myself, my 2 sisters and my nephew went horse riding
I have been wanting to do that forever so we finally did it on Monday
We had a choice between a trek on the beach or a lesson in the ring
Myself and my nephew wanted to go to the beach but my sisters were a bit reluctant
We managed to get around them though and we set off to the beach
My horses name was Shavasna and she was so beautiful
I am a huge animal lover, especially horse and dogs
We had such a great time walking through the sand dunes
I didn't want it to end
I find being around animals is so therapeutic , they seem to have a sixth sense
I know I would lost without my dogs
When I was at my sickest and utterly depressed, and couldn't find a reason to get out of bed in the morning, they were my reason
They depended on me and I had to look after them no matter what
I had to walk them, feed them, love them
They have seen me at my very worst
Their love is unconditional
 I remember seeing this on t-shirt once 'I wish I was as great as my dog thinks I am'
So so true
I miss my sister already
As I said in my last post, she is a good influence on me
She has been living in Sydney for then last 10 years and she is totally independent, something I hope to be some day
She has a good balance of being a good, responsible person with just the right amount of fun and crazy thrown in
I love that I can say anything to her and she won't judge me or think less of me

She came to the dentist with me yesterday for my follow up appointment
I had to get 2 more fillings ( 2down, 6 to go)
The dentist is lovely and it didn't hurt at all
After he wasn't finished the nurse handed me a mirror to see my teeth
I had no idea  what I was supposed to be looking at so I just said 'oh yea, very nice'
It wasn't until I got home and checked them properly that I realised that he had cleaned them too and had done a very good job
At this point I was confused
I was only eligible to get 2 fillings on my medical card, anything else and I would have to pay through the nose
I hadn't been charged for cleaning so it then dawned on me that he had done it pro bono
What a lovely, lovely, kind dentist
I'm definitely going to write a thank you note to him
He also said that if I hadn't got my fillings, I would've lost the teeth
Bulimia and addiction have really taken their toll on my teeth and I so glad to be finally getting something done with them

I also have another sister who live about 10 minutes away
She is 5 years older than my and my other sister is 10 years older
My sister who live nearby and I have quite a strained relationship
She is also a recovering alcoholic so you would think we have a lot in common but I have to admit I have a resentment against her
Yesterday, my sister, my nephew and I went for a walk with my dogs
I can't recall how it came up but she said to me that she thinks I don't like her
So she has picked up on my resentment
I tried to explain to her that it wasn't that I didn't like her but I felt hurt that she never asks me to babysit my nephew
This true, she never asks me
I asked her why and she said she couldn't run the risk of someone being around him who is 'sick' and                                                                      'might be a bad influence'
I was really hurt by this
I never get to spend any time with him one on one and I would love to
I wish I had said more to my sister but I didn't want it to escalate in to an argument
I suppose I see a lot of myself in my sister, it's like looking in a mirror and that's hard
Every time I see this sister I feel like I'm meeting her for the first time
Where my relationship with my other sister is easy and effortless, my relationship  with my other sister is hard work with very little pay.

Things are slowly returning in my house but my eating disorder is ever present
When I was trying on boots at the horse riding,  the lady said to me ' Oh you have nice skinny legs, I'll give you a pair of childrens boots'
This comment was very triggering and will be stored away at the back of my brain forever
I personally don't like comments about my weight, good or bad and I never pass comments about other peoples weight
You just never know how someone will take it
I have to admit though, I did feel good when she said that about my legs
I wish this world didn't have so much weight (pun intended) in what people look like or how pretty are or how much they way
I would much rather spend time with someone who was interesting and not so good looking than I would with a beautiful dull person
I don't read magazines but when I do I see pages and pages of girls who are clones of each other, false tan and rail thin and of course the obligatory close up shots of cellulite
Why do we look up to these women?
Why look up to doctors, teachers or lawyers
I know it isn't cool to look to them but hopefully the Olympians this year will be role models for ou young people

I'm staring to see that this blog is becoming more and more of a recovery blog
I didn't decide this, it just kind of happened
 I was wondering about
Do you prefer to read about 'an eating disorder or read about recovery?

I also wondered about you and your siblings
Do you have sister and how do you get on?
Do you get on better with your brothers or sisters?

More photos...............