It's the third suicide of a teenager in the last year in my area
This girl was being cyber bullied
It obviously got too much for her and she eventually hanged herself in a wood near her home
The site she was being bullied on is called ask.fm and when asked about cyber bullying on their site they gave a ludicrous statement
The claimed no responsibility and said that children in the UK and Ireland are more cruel than other countries and that they get no complaints of bullying from other countries
The girls father was on tv a couple of nights ago
He described how his daughter was outgoing and bubbly, she did well at school, had lots of hobbies and was well liked by everyone in their town
She didn't tell anyone that she was being bullied
Even though it was done anonymously, I'm sure she knew who her bullies were
So why was she a target?
I'm sure it's different in every case but in this case it seemed to be jealousy
The bullies didn't like the fact that this girl was pretty and doing well, so they decided to knock her down a peg or two
It baffles me how people have that nerve to post these hateful comments but they don't have the balls to put their name to it
They hide behind computer screens in their bedrooms, not knowing the amount of damage they are doing
It's so very sad that this girl didn't tell anyone and suffered in silence
As you can imagine the town is in shock
The school held a meeting
The fear they're may have been a pact and are asking people to come forward with information
I've written about bullies quite recently and my own experiences with them
I've been dealing with different versions of the same bully my entire life
They say that bullies quite often used to be bullied themselves
I believe people are the way they are for a reason so it makes sense that a victim of bullying would become a bully
After my first experience of bullying, I used to tease a girl in my class, it might not have been outright bullying but it was a reaction to what had happened to me
Even though bullies do bad things, I don't believe they are bad people
I actually pity them
They put others down in order to feel good about themselves so they can't have much self esteem or self confidence
But I can't deny they do untold damage and in this case the worst possible outcome came about
Cyber bulling is a new and more cruel method of bulling
Anyone can sit in their bedroom, in front of their computer screen and anonymously tear apart someones character
They can't see the reaction therefore they don't know the damage they are doing
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
This girl must've been in so much pain to actually consider taking her own life
I've had suicidal ideation for a long time - welcoming death but not actively seeking it
Or as I call it a passive death wish
I've never attempted suicide but I have thought about it plenty of times
When I'm walking my dogs down my road I will a car to crash in to me
Or I'm walking on the cliffs hoping a gust of wind will catch me
I remember when I was trying to get clean off drugs I made a deal with myself
I would try recovery for 6 months and if it didn't work out I would kill myself
As strange as it sounds this actually kept me going
Knowing I could end it all was a comfort
I still have suicidal thoughts but they are fleeting thoughts
Thankfully I have the foresight of my families hurt if I did it
It might be the end of my problems but it would open a world of pain for my family
Someone said to me that we shouldn't talk about suicide too much because it puts the idea in peoples heads
This is true
Studies show that after a suicide and it's publicity, the suicide rate goes up
This puts people in a difficult position because it needs to be talked about but not too much
The boy who committed suicide a few weeks ago, his family denied he had killed himself and said that he broke his neck after falling off his trampoline
I can understand his families pain but I do think it is better to be open and talk about it
So why do bullies target certain people?
I have no doubt that in a lot of cases with girls it is jealousy
And in a way girls can be more cruel than boys
Boys are more physical, more likely to throw a punch
Girls are more subtle and sneaky
They talk behind each others backs, they exclude and tend to verbally bully rather than physically bully
They can be so subtle that you question whether you are imagining it
I think bullies also pick on people who are different
I used to do my best to blend in
I just wanted to be one of the crowd, didn't want to stand out
I went to great lengths to fit in
I wanted to change everything about myself from my hair to my personality
I even used to change my accent
But as I bet older I see that it's our differences that make us who we are
Our quirks and our foibles make us interesting
As I've said before I don't want to be a clone of someone else
When I was younger it was important to look like everyone else
Same clothes, same hair, same everything
But now I like that I different
I like that I don't blend in
Dare I say it, I like me
Like a dog that can smell fear, bullies also seem to be able to sniff out fear
They prey on the vulnerable
But I do think that as well as the victims, the bullies themselves need help
They are obviously in a lot of pain themselves if they feel the need to do this to others
So with all that said I was wondering about you
Have you experienced haters or cyber bullies?
How did you handle it?
It breaks my heart when I hear about a suicide. I've felt suicidal before, but never acted on it, and always at some point later that week or that month, something happens, something to lift me out of my depression if even momentarily, and it makes me so glad to be alive.
ReplyDeleteI hate knowing that they could have that same experience, but because one night it all became too much they'll never know.
Cyber bullies are the cruelest. They can say whatever and know that no repercussions will come. No one will ever know. Whereas if they say it in person word spreads quickly and they will get the blame.
I really need to go now, I have so much work to do, but I wish I could talk forever, it's something I feel so strongly about.
Love you.
It's so true, It's such a pity this girl didn't speak out
ReplyDeleteOften if we keep things to ourselves they seem much bigger and insurmountable. Talking about these things is so important.
Love ya too x
Yeah. I think they really need to raise awareness of depression and mental illness more in schools. So many young people suffer in silence because they're too scared to ask for help.
DeleteI just got back from having blood tests after I went to the doctor on Monday after suffering in silence for so long. I was terrified the nurse would say something or judge me when she saw the cuts on my arms, but instead she just smiled kindly and didn't say anything. It was nice knowing she didn't think I was a freak and I know I never would have gone if it weren't the people on my blog encouraging me.
It's heartbreaking that so many people don't have that kind of support and encouragement.
I'm so glad you decided to get help, that's the hardest part, asking for help, but you've done it and you no longer need to suffer in silence.
DeleteKeep fighting the good fight, you can beat this and I am always here.
Take care of you x
I've been bullied to the point of desperation, both at school and online... My first bad experience was in my first year of high school. I had uncountable bullies. I already had depression and trauma experiences, but this tipped me over the edge. I ended up in hospital for the first time, a massive OD, in a coma for a week, intensive care a while longer, and then the children's ward. I was 12 years, 11 months on my hospital band. My brother and I were bullied horribly in primary school because he has mild asperges, and he left school early (though he still made it to university). I was bullied at five different schools, as well as through social groups and online outside of school. It's so horrible. So many teens from my area have committed suicide and it's hit the news - and it always sets off a chain reaction. I've had multiple suicide attemps, though only a couple from bullying. Funnily enough I haven't attempted since I developed my ED, really. I guess that's enough as it is.
ReplyDeleteHope you're okay xx
I'm so sorry Bella that you had to through all that
DeleteI too was bullied at different times through out my life and it stays with you forever.
I think that's why I tend to isolate, to avoid people.
Stay strong Bella
Love ya x
I agree, bullies are often getting bullied themselves. I think they're only trying to fit in as well. Do what others do, so they won't stand out, won't get picked on by their "friends".
ReplyDeleteWe live in a society where being different is considered to be strange and unsafe; people are always going to reject what they don't understand. It's up to us as adults to teach our children to be themselves, do what they feel is right and also accept others and their quirks.
When it comes to suicide... Society needs to emphasise the outcome. There is no going back, you can't undo it. People will get hurt, things will get worse. Suicide is not a way out, although the thought of it being just that might be reassuring at the time.
I was bullied as a child. People wouldn't talk to me, as if they couldn't see me. I was drifting around, like a ghost, which only made me feel even more different. Wasn't invited to birthday parties, was never part of the gang. I was just different. Later when I eventually made friends, I felt good about myself for picking on others. As a revenge, I guess. Stand on the other side for once, make others feel the way I did.
Children can be so cruel.
Very interesting post, Ruby. X
Thanks Ebba and it's so true, it's up to us to ensure our children are tolerant of others.
ReplyDeleteSuicide is still so taboo, although people are talking about it more and more, it's still happening.
I was also bullied at various points in my life, it's something you never forget x
i havent thank god
ReplyDeletebut ive been bullied in real life because of being different and stuff
but dont ignore other factors
yes the girl was probably being bullied
but her home situation doesnt tell you the full story other things may have triggered her as well
people who commit suicide have global processing where everything is linked
anyway its horrible no one should be bullied
im sorry about the whole story its really really tragic
much love
xx
It is so very sad, I hope she's at peace now x
ReplyDeleteThis is incredibly sad and such a regrettable loss.. It is disgusting that a person can make another human being feel so much hurt and pain that they would end their life. Although bullies bully for an underlying deep seated reason for example being bullied or abused themselves or being insecure with low self esteem.. However I cannot help but feel that there should be some degree of accountability. We cant excuse these actions and I feel so disgruntled that such acts of inhumanity can occur, with children, teenagers or older people yet bullies can hide behind anonymity or the fact that they have been bullied themselves. At the end of the day, life throws things at all of us, but it is what we do in the face of such things which counts. Someone could be bullied and become a despicable bully themselves - although somewhat mitigating their own bullying behaviour, however choosing to treat another person in such a way is something such individuals make a conscious choice to do. And for that conscious choice I believe that such persons are culpable, and these anonymous trolls whoever they are have blood on their hands..
ReplyDeleteSorry for the rant :\
Very thought provoking post as usual dear.
Love you loads x
This is true Rayya, I don't know if the people have been identified that bullied her but they know who they and I hope they're feeling very guilty right now
DeleteLove you too x
Poor girl, I hate it. Luckily when I was in elementary school internet was just a rare thing and only some households had it. But I've been bullied and I can only imagine how is it when you have really no place to run. But then again, what I keep wondering is that why they keep in contact with these people... I'd like to know why they don't delete them from their friends because there's no point in keeping them there. Like then they'd get bullied only irl and they would have some place to run to.
ReplyDeleteBut yea, I think too that they should take responsibility for they actions and feel it, but I still don't hate them for that... because eventually it's a girl who made the choice. I mean if someone tells you to jump from the cliff, you don't have to jump.
And becoming a bully. Well that kind of maltreatment surely affects on one's personality and maybe makes it hard to show emotions that are tied to affection. This happened to me actually, I was teasing my friend the ones I cared about... little girl messed up; partly because my mom always said to me that the boys just like me and that's why they tease me...
I lost my point now but anyway, it's hard one. And like you said, it's something that needs to be talked about.
Thanks Tatyana x
DeleteI work in a short term stay mental health facility and in the county it is located in there was 4 suicides of teenagers in 1 week period. Needless to say our childrens and teens unit has been full since that. It is horrible, even on one of the adult units we admitted a 20 year old who complained of bullying.
ReplyDeleteNow that I am out of school and feel like I should be all together as a "grown up" I find I bully myself. I compair myself to where I think I should be in life and to others I know and I always come up short. I have to remind myself that my life is not happening in the path I planned and that I am making a new path. Sometimes it works.
I do that too Josie, I would never speak to someone the way I talk to myself. We are so hard on ourselves, I think it's part of the illness for me x
DeleteI just wish I could have been there to hug her and tell her it was all lies. Poor, poor child. The pain she must have been in just breaks my heart. Bullying is a form of emotional and psychological torture.
ReplyDelete"More cruel than other places" MY FLABBY PALE ARSE. Children and teenagers can be fucking horrible monsters and allowing them to be anonymous gives them far too great a scope to inflict pain without consequences to themselves.
I went to an all-girls school and it was catty and nasty and horrible. They do go for those who are different. Without someone on the outside to persecute and harass, there can be no group, no in-crowd to belong to. With no outsiders, there can be no belonging or defined identity for the insiders.
I accepted my place as the weird outsider (since it had been my lot since primary school) and found other weird outsiders to be friends with. It was a pretty diverse group of people and we had lunch conversations about genuinely interesting brainstretching things instead of boys and diets and sex and parties and clothes etc.
Because I have Anon commenting disabled I have yet to get attacked, but I've had one or two brave people who still tried to hate on me, so I gave them their own post where I answered their comment publicly as a reward. Here, you want attention? Here you go!
I don't really take internet rage (especially anon rage) seriously when it's aimed at me, because the guaranteed anonymity of cyberspace frees people to be the biggest scumbags they can be. It says more about them as a person than it does about me. Their prove themselves to be subhuman beings not even worth wasting a bullet, let alone a rebuttal on. Why use up brainpower and grammar on morons??
I'm glad you liked Dralion! Lol, Wands spawned like a fish? I got Dralion spayed so I didn't have to deal with kittens. Ugh, no thanks!
Animals are definitely easier to relate to than people. They're not two-faced and you don't have to worry about them hogging all the hot water or using up the bandwidth!
I love dogs too! (I typoed that to 'gods' hmmmmm) I don't have the self-confidence to train a dog though. I'd love a staffie or German Shepherd one day. They're my favourite breeds, the ones I've met and lived with have been lovely. Of course, they were pure and had decent humans as pack-leaders. The only guy Zen (The german shepherd who pretty much raised me from ages 0-8) every went for was a total scumbag who should have been shot at birth.
Love you so much. Take care of yourself and give your goggehs some hugs from me <3
That is so true Peri, there can't be an 'in' group without there being an 'outsider' group. I love the way your mind works!
DeleteI know I can't get that poor girl out of my mind, if only she had told someone, but she must've been in so much pain.
I hope her bullies are feeling mega guilty.
Did I type Wands? I meant to type Wanda, yea we finally got her spayed. She was beautiful though, no wonder she attracted so much tom cat attention.
Love you too x
having your "best friends" tell you over the computer to kill yourself at the age of 12 years old....that's the problem with society and since being told that the problems only gotten worse. People have become even more cruel. It breaks my heart to think of these kids so much younger than me just ending it all, already.....It hurts more because I was at that point at that age and I wish I could help :(
ReplyDeleteI agree Cleona, these people are sick.
ReplyDeleteThe internet is great but it also has a flaw in that it facilitates these bullies.
Probably in the future they will be censored x
Wow, this is horrible. I feel like this kind of thing is happening more and more often lately.
ReplyDeleteI have never had direct experience with bullies. I was always talked about behind my back and hated anonymously, but no one ever confronted me about it, so most of the time I was oblivious, but also friendless.
Looking back on who I was I might have even deserved the hate, but who knows. The girls that were like that might feel bad for what they did too. After all, we were only in elementary school.
But I really appreciate your view on the matter and what you went through with them. I also completely understand how you reacted. I think most of us have been bullies to someone at some point in our lives, and we all have to make peace with that (unless we can put a stop to it).
Thanks Emily x
ReplyDeleteFor me it is very triggering to hear about suicide. In a way, it make me feel like a failure for not being able to do what this person did. That is such messed up way of thinking....
ReplyDeleteI've been called a whore, a slut, and a skank. Its hard to deal with, even when you tell yourself it doesn't bother you, it stillmakes you doubt yourself a little.
People use to joke about the fact that I was chubby. :/
I have never dealt with any bad bullying. Not going to public school makes things a little easier I think.
Pride.Strength.Courage
~TinyRose
Hang in there TinyRose
ReplyDeleteLove to you x
oh this is so heart-breaking. But I can understand her. I've been bullied since I was in kindergarten. Kids just wouldn't play with me nor talk to me and set me apart. This may also be cause I've always been a kind of weird kid, but maybe I've always been a weird kid cause other kids wouldn't play with me. At primary school I was the youngest of all the school and the other kids used to laugh at me telling me that I was retarded ( even if I finished whole the first year exam while other kids were still trying to do the first part of it i kept being the retarded one). Verbally bullying is the worse. You would say that when kids throw stones at you you'd pray to be "just" verbally bullied, but actually it was quite the opposite. When kids (and later people in general) verbally bully you and always keep you out is so much worse. Actually running and getting all cuts and bruises felt like a kind of twisted game. They NEEDED me to have fun, so that was alright. Then I started putting on weight (also because of the sexual abuse I was having) and all got even worse. I was the retarded fat one, now. Even my physical education teacher used to tell me that. Once, in 4th grade, I felt so sick I ran to the toilet and vomited. That was my first very bulimic episode now that I think about it. I don't want to talk too much about all this...but it went on (with different people) up to now basically (and of course it got heavier and heavier as the bullies were growing up). Still gotta find some haters in my uni course (surprising since i'm about to start my third week there). I used to receive calls by people I thought were friends or even best friends telling me that I creeped them out and stuff like that, plus all the possible shit my class mates were able to make up.
ReplyDeleteBullying teach you not to trust anyone, and, when it goes on for a while, the idea that you DESERVE to be hurt snucks into your brain. You start seeing that as a role, as the only way people will approach you. I am still bloody afraid everytime I talk to someone. What those people tell you or told you becomes the only way you can look at your self. And doesn't matter how much other people tell you they love you, you'll never be able to trust them, or you will always have the certainty they will change their mind.
Asking for help it's hard. I've never done it, since I didn't know who I could ask for that. But it's certainly better if you find someone to talk to. Once in Australia a kid set next to me, for some reasons, and started telling me about his bulliers. we had a bit of a chat about that and apparently things got better. My boyfriend just recently has started getting out of ana (he's 183 cm and ended up weighting 57/56 kg).It's disarming how often it happens and how most people don't really know how to deal with it. I'm pretty sure most of these guys don't even realize how much they can hurt someone. I wonder if being told about that at a young age would help them considering that these behaviours really destroy lives.
Wow, thank you for this comment and for sharing so much
ReplyDeleteMy heart breaks for you but I can relate
I have been dealing with bullies my whole life, from school right up to adulthood and I am always anxious to meet new people too,
You have been through so much and you didn't deserve any of it, kids can be so cruel and I agree, verbal bullying is worse, bruises and cuts heal but words stay with you forever. I remember every nasty thing that was ever said to me.
I hope you can put your experiences behind you and move on from it, you are stronger than you know, I can tell from reading your comment
Stay strong,
Keep fighting,
Never, ever give up
Love x