New 'do!

I leave for Australia early tomorrow morning
I'll be there for a month so I may not be around as much over the next few weeks
However I will check in and try to post once a week
So I just wanted to take this chance to wish you all a very happy and peaceful Christmas
Christmas can be tough for us
It's that time of year when we reflect on the last 12 months
For me it's been a tough year
Highs and lows
Ups and downs
Tears and tantrums
Hospital and treatment
Weight loss and gain
Fear and anxiety
I know that a lot of you struggled too
But 2013 is on the horizon
The chance to start over
A clean slate
An opportunity to make changes and resolutions
And I whole 12 months to meet our goals
It's a chance to take a leap of faith
It's a time of hope
New beginnings
Let's make 2013 count
Let's not waste another year, month, day to this cruel illness
Let's take a chance on life




I've come to know some of you quite well
Even though I only started writing this blog a few months ago, I feel like I've known you all longer
You have seen me at my worst and at my best this year
I can only thank you for your unwavering support
It really means the world to me

I hope and pray that 2013 is a better year for all of us
This year I clocked up 13 years in the grip of this illness
There have been crippling lows but like every cloud there have been silver linings
And my silver linings are the people I've met along the way
People who I would never have met otherwise
You are the ones who have got me through
I stand by my statement that the girls I've met in hospital, treatment and here are some of the most beautiful, loving, talented, caring, giving and artistic that I have ever met
We come form the 4 corners of the world but we are all bound by common threads
We are eating disordered
We are hurting
We feel pain probably more than the average person
We're afraid
We're lonely
Some of us just want to disappear
Some of us are holing on by our finger tips
We are in the midst of anorexia, bulimia and EDNOS
We define ourselves by our illness
We don't know how to function without it
Some of us don't want to know
But we are not happy
In our bodies or our minds
We struggle to get through the day
We welcome the sweet release of sleep
Some of us don't ever want to wake up




But I do believe that everything happens for a reason
I do believe there is a reason this is happening
Why?
I don't know yet
But I do believe the reason will become apparent in time
Then it will all make sense
Then we will understand
We will see that we haven't suffered in vain

I hate that we are suffering
But I love that we are all in this together

I hate what this illness has done to us
But I love that we still believe there is hope

I hate that we feel so alone
But I love that we have each other

I hate the thought of being this way forever
But I love that we have the power to not let that happen

I hate that life terrifies us
But I love that we won't let that hold us back



So please take good care of yourselves over Christmas
If you are struggling, reach out to someone
Don't suffer in silence
Don't isolate yourself
Be gentle with yourself
Be kind to yourself
Take it easy
Don't put pressure on yourself
Use your supports
And most of all enjoy yourself
Have fun
Stay close to family and friends
Try not to listen to your eating disorder
Here's hoping 2013 will be better than 2012



I love each and every one of you
I consider you dear friends
Thank you for your support and love
Thank you for being there
For not judging
For reminding me that I can do this
For showing me that I'm not a bad person
For allowing me to be part of your journey
For welcoming me in to this community with open arms

Stay strong girls
Stay safe over Christmas

All my love,

Ruby x


Ps I got my hair done, here's the result