Cops, Cars and Canines

It all started yesterday morning

I woke with a craving 

A craving for pasta and crisps and bread and anything else that is beige

All the things that I don't usually allow myself

I piled my dogs in to my little car and we set off for the supermarket

I felt slightly possessed as I drove

I had one objective and nothing was going to get in my way

I felt no different than when I used to drive to get drugs

That same fluttery feeling in my tummy

The determination to get what I wanted

The blinkers were on

I rounded a corner and came face to face with a Garda car parked across the road

In front of the car was a say pointing to the right  saying 'Detour'

Feckin' great

That should have been my first sign that what I was about to do was not a good idea

I pulled in to the narrow road unsure of where I was going

The road was not so much a road a track

I just kept going praying that I wouldn't meet another car

Eventually I arrived in my town via a back road

I carried on to the beach where I walked my dogs for about an hour

Then it was on to the real business

I took my cloth bag and headed in to the supermarket

I filled it with anything that looked good

Or bad rather

I slung my bag over my shoulder 

Took out my phone to pretend I was talking to someone

And walked out

As I left the shop I speed walked to my car

I had an awful feeling

A feeling that this time I wouldn't be so lucky

I started my car and got the hell out of there

Looking in my rear view mirror every few seconds

I really can't you a proper logical explanation for why I do this

I'm not a thief in any other area of my life

The only thing I take is food

So I think this behaviour is tied up in my ED

I hate doing it

I really do

But everytime I say it's the last time, I go back again and again

Insanity

It's not really about money either

At least I don't think it is

I feel huge guilt and shame for doing this

It makes me feel like a complete loser

But I can't seem to stop

Anyway back to the story

I set off for home and decided to chance the main road and hope the road was open

To my horror half way down the road, I met a fire truck and a Garda car

The Garda motioned for me to stop

My heart thumped in my chest

Is this it?

Have I been caught?

I looked at the bag of food on the passenger seat and cursed silently to myself

The garda made his way over to my car and I rolled down my window

Now, my dogs are not vicious in the slightest but there is one thing that brings out their protective side and that is when someone comes over to the car

I guess they think that it is their car and they have to guard it

As the garda began to speak my two dogs started barking at the top of their lungs

They were throwing themselves at the window barking their heads off and Honey was trying to squeeze between the headrest and the window

Talk about drawing attention to yourself!

The garda jumped when he saw them and stepped back

I couldn't hear a word he was saying and I was trying to get the dogs to calm down but they were having a fit trying to get at the man

I got out of the car in order to hear what he was saying

He told me to pull my car in to the side of the road

I got back in and pulled in as much as I could with shaking hands and 2 mental dogs in the back

'More, pull in more' the garda said

I started to reverse so I could pull in properly when he started shouting at me

'What are you doing? I told you to pull in?'

'I'm trying' I yelled

I could see him getting really quite worked up but I was under pressure and I am not the worlds greatest at parking at the best of times

And the fact that I had a bag of stolen goods 

My nerves were shot

I finally got pulled in and I sat and waited for the road to be opened

All the while praying that he wouldn't come back over

After about 10 minutes the garda waved me on

I was so annoyed at him shouting at me that I wanted to shout 'Asshole!' out the window at him but I decided against it

I didn't want to draw any more attention to myself

But  how rude of him to shout at me

I mean what was his problem?

I arrived home and felt so relieved to pull in to my driveway

I definitely had a lucky escape

I really need to get my shit together

Before I really do get in to trouble

I'm out of control

I'm afraid

For the first time in my life I am afraid