Apologies for the over load of posts the last couple of weeks
I know I am posting every single day
Sometimes twice a day
I just have so much going on in my head at the moment
There are so many thoughts
So much white noise
And the only effective way to relieve this is to write
To get it out of my head and down on paper (or computer)
I hope you understand
So I've been thinking
This blog gets quite a lot of hits every day
Between 500 - 800 every day
And only a very small percentage of these actually leave a comment
I know quite a few of you that read and comment
But there must be so many that I don't know
You all know so much about me
I don't censor my blog in any way
I write like no one is reading
But I would like to know about you
What's your name?
Where are you from?
How long have you been reading?
How did you find this blog?
I would love to know some tid bits of information about you
Anything at all
What you look like
If you have an eating disorder or some other mental health issue
Do you have any pets?
Do you work?
What age are you?
So today I invite you to get in touch
I would really love to hear from you
Whether you have read from the start
Or if you are a new reader
Maybe you drop by from time to time
Maybe you've never commented before
Maybe you don't like me or my blog
Maybe you are going through similar things to me
Maybe you are in recovery
Maybe not
Maybe you can relate
Who ever you are
Where ever you are from
Do let me know
I am always curious as to who reads this blog
And comments truly make my day
It blows my mind that people all around the world read my words and leave messages of hope and love
I'll look forward to hearing from you
Over to you............
Aw there's no need to apologize! And I agree, sometimes the only way to release emotions or thoughts is through writing.
ReplyDeleteI comment sometimes, only when I know what to comment :) I'll comment more if you'd like?
My name is Christie, I'm from the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region, I've been reading for around 2 months and I don't remember how I stumbled upon this blog.
I'm, well, Asian looking :/ black hair, brown eyes (a few shades lighter than most people here - it's a genetic thing) and pinkish/yellowish skin tone. Fat and with acne. 14 years old. I am not professionally diagnosed with anything. I don't have pets unless you count my little brother :P I'm a student and I'm 14.
I check my blog list updates as much as possible, even at recess in school so I read every post from every blog I subscribe to, I've commented a few times and I like both you and your blog :)
I'll try to comment more ^^
Love,
Christie :)
Hey Christie, thanks for telling me about yourself
DeleteI love to hear from readers
Wow you are in Hong Kong?
I know very little about that place
Yes I would love to hear from you more
It makes my day to hear from readers
Thanks again and do stay in touch x
Damn it, my beautiful long comment disappeared. I'll do it by numbers instead.
ReplyDelete- 50% Finnish, 25% Swedish, 25% Russian; born and raised in Sweden.
- Probably older than you think.
- Anorexic as a child (food disgusted me), started over eating at age 9 due to sexual and physical abuse and bullying. Am now ednos, alternating between starvation, b/p and every bloody fad diet there is.
- First suicide attempt at age 10.
- Diagnosed as an adult with (ICD-10) F84.5 which is Asperger Syndrome. I do not work because I have severe social phobia and anxiety problems. I rarely leave my place in front of the computer.
And I've been reading your blog for a looong time. It's just now that I've started commenting.
DeleteWow you have been through a lot
DeleteI guess a lot of us here have been through the mill a few times
I don't know a lot about Aspergers Syndrome but I read The curious incident of the dog in the night time
Have you read that
You have a very interesting make up
You must be so beautiful
Thanks for sharing this, I love finding out about you x
By the way, what does cursum perficio mean?
DeleteI think these post are fabulous because one can tell that you are moving forward forward and that is great and you know how happy I am about you getting better! although you know who I am; half german half english, 20sth, slender, 5.8, long wavy hair, blond, HD without the AD (but i love my energy), was hard working in corporate hell, postgrad student (phew!), loves music and animals, dresses like Lana (because it has always been my style, even before Elisabeth became Lana) loves Lynch' movies and his series Twin Peaks, sometimes my life looks like this, when i want it to, and on others day i live like the Oxford days of Brideshead revisited (will never fall out of love with Oxford), and sometimes i still fall deep, and everything is dull mundane and dark, overemotional (pre-frontal cortex of a 14 yr old) an orphan,I love writing, literature, the academics, all things academic ;-) a very great believer in keeping up appearances, in not telling everything to everyone, and focusing on the positive, i am recovered; EDs are horrid and a torture but my past Ed is the least interesting thing about me and the least i want to be defined by.
ReplyDeleteAnd I do not like the over extensive use of the word love/the sentence I love you on blogger. To me love means something entirely else.
Furthermore i firmly believe you will conquer this! even the addiction, and you can stay on the Prozac for some after you have come off your others meds, so you can stabilize even more, btw.
xxxxx
I loved reading this Loulou
DeleteYou are one interesting lady
I envy you being at Oxford and following your dreams
I imagine your life to be glamorous and romantic
Like a story from a book
Thank you for believing in me and for your continued support
You are a true friend
Honest to the bitter end
So much love to you (I do mean that)
xxxxxxxxxxxx
i know that hun, love love love to you, too. and talking about honesty I think you are gorgeous and smart and although I find all things Ed still a bit dangerous to read, i have to say your writing is different, there is so much more to it (i think it is also good writing) and that is why people come back!
Deletexxxxxxxxxx
Awh thank you
DeleteThat means a lot coming from you Loulou
You have great taste, he he
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
haha the "lady" thing is weirdly funny. call me lady when they start serving/selling me alcohol and let me into clubs without id and/or guestlists! <3
DeleteDon't know why I used the word lady
DeleteIt just seemed appropriate
But you are a girl
And an amazing girl too x
As Christie said, there's no need to apologize for blogging daily (or twice daily) if that's what you need to do. I'd blog all day, every day if I could b/c I have no real life friends in my area and social media is so full of interesting and attractive people that I can't possibly compare. But I digress...
ReplyDeleteI'm Chris, 33, average male. Thinning brown hair, thickening middle, but otherwise fairly trim. I've been following your blog on and off for about a year, and I don't have an ED but my cousin has (and nearly died) so I've made some friends who are struggling, or have struggled with body image issues. One of them is Eve, whom I met through your blog and I'm very glad I did because she's made of awesome.
I know that if she can kick anorexia's ass then you can as well, and I check in on your progress whenever possible. That said, I don't comment as much as I'd like because I don't have that firsthand experience that would help you but also because your posts appear just as i'm starting my workday. And so I read them through as much as I can but I have to sign off and look busy before I can share my thoughts. I do apologize for that, and I'll try to be more vocal in the future...if that's okay with you ;)
Hey Chris, good to meet you
DeleteI actually follow your blog too but I don't think I've ever commented before
But I will now
Eve is a beautiful girl and has been an amazing support to me
I hope you're cousin has made it through her illness
How is she/he now?
Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you again soon x
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Amanda and I read your blog, and a few others, almost everyday. I don't have any diagnosed eating disorder. I'm just a fat girl (190 lbs) who starts everyday with a plan to be better and ends every night in failure. I think about food, calories, exercise, and how weak I am constantly. I'm always amazed how you can have hobbies, interests, and be interesting and insightful despite all your demons--and I compare that to my self. I imagine that my demons are less powerful, yet they overpower me everyday. I think you are a strong person. I never comment, for the same reason I don't have a blog, because I feel like I have nothing to say. I feel like a pretend person; a character who is more pain than poetry and not integral to any story. I have a husband, children, a couple of friends. I have a job and a cat. I start projects (write a story, sew curtains, etc) and never finish them. I act like I don't like girly things, but secretly I really do wish for girly things. I've never been in a photobooth and I always feel lonely.
Hey Amanda, thank you so much for reading and commenting today
DeleteIt made me really sad to read this
I don't think you are just a fat girl
And I think that you do have something very important to say
You left a beautiful, articulate comment
I can tell that you are a good writer just from these few lines
I don't think that your demons are any less powerful than mine
Pain is pain and hurt is hurt
It's universal
I hope you see this reply
I hope some day you can see that you are a person of worth and value and you do have something very important to say and to contribute
I would love to hear from you again
Please feel free to email me if you would like to stay in touch
Thanks again x
Hi Ruby, I have shared a bit about me with you previously so sorry yo repeat.
ReplyDeleteI am on the East Coast of the US and I check your blog every morning, along with several. I also check my blogroll several times a day to see if there's anything new.
I have had a wild, complicated life with my fair share of pain and sadness. I have an 8 year old daughter and I want to try everything possible to help her become a physically and emotionally stable young woman.
I believe in you and I look forward to continued positive posts from you. You are in my daily prayers. I pray for your strength, confidence, clarity, and acceptance. May you one day see and feel your own excellence.
As for all those hits, if your blog is searchable you may be receiving those hits from numerous search engines. Tho I am sure most are from your many fans.
JJ thank you so much for this comment
DeleteFor keeping me in your prayers
And for your continued support
It really means a lot to me
You are kind and generous and your comments never fail to make me smile
Thank you x
Hey, Ruby! My name on here is J, though that us not my name in real life. I keep a blog here and though I read every post and love to know what you have to write, I don't comment every time. I try to let you know that I am here and attentive. I'm 18, and I live in the US. I have a job, and anorexia. I am an addict as well, to my eating disorder but also to other drugs. I read your blog because I can relate to so many things that you say, and I just find a great interest. I don't ready know what else there is to tell you about me, but my blog is on my profile if you want to check it out and you can email me at lastdaytolife@gmail.com if you want to talk more. Hugs. Xx
ReplyDeleteHey J, thanks for getting in touch
DeleteI am sorry that you can relate so much
It really is tough having 2 major issues to contend with
I am going to check out yout blog right now x
this is your blog. you don't have to apologise at ALL for posting twice thrice or any times a day. if we don't like it, we don't have to follow it but i enjoy you and your company and i like to read your posts.
ReplyDeletei am Sam. my full name actually includes "Sam" as a part of it but it is an Arabic name, as i am an Arab that hails from the Middle East.
i haven't been reading for long - around the same time as i started commenting. i did not know much about you but i just assumed from comments on older blogs that i have written that your posts might be a tad heavy or triggering for the likes of me, but i decided that since i had given other possibly triggering blogs a try, i'd give yours a try. and i was not disappointed and your posts i do not have to prepare for mentally (that's a good sign). there are so many recovering bloggers and whatnot that i cannot read their blogs because they are too triggering. i find that if a person is supposed to be in recovery and they do a very ED-type thing, i get a thousand times more triggered than a person that is not in recovery that is doing far more ED-based things. i think it is possibly because the ones that are in recovery are more so like me. i think it "gives me permission" to engage in such things.
i have a cat named Christoph. i hate him. and a lot of fish. and a parrot.
i don't work. i am in medical school and am of the age of 19.
i got into recovery first time reluctantly - because i met a girl and for her, if she is a part in my recovery, then it would make her world. i chose her over ED for a long time. when i developed depression first time around, she was my clutch as she was also battling depression. hers got worst, to the point where it was destroying both our relationship and my recovery. she got angry at me very often and now, she is gone. this is the Oliver Wood (previously S.) known on my blog. i am a lot less into recovery than i had been before. beforehand, i never restricted. now, i can without thinking much about it because nobody is there to put me in place. yet again i am not completely disordered or completely in recovery. i am in between and i have always been in between ever since.
also, reply to the comment you made on my blog:
thank you. i am glad you think i am pretty.
i think the mental image of people we build up from reading is always wrong for some case. sometimes, how they look like does not fit their tone of writing at all or what they give you as descriptions.
-Sam Lupin
I am so glad Sam that my blog is not triggering
DeleteI would hate to think that I was triggering anyone
I know I find it really hard to read certain blogs too
Especially now that I am trying hard to recover
Some blogs I just have to avoid to protect myself
Yes, you really are so very pretty
And it's great to know what you look like
I like being able to put a face with the words
Love to you Sammy Sam x
Hey Ruby! I'm not sure if you read my blog so you may know this, but: My name is Kaylee, I am 23 years old. I grew up on the east coast but now live in the midwest and love it. I first struggled with anorexia around age 12, got better, and relapsed in college (age 19). As a result of this relapse, which was more severe and drawn out, I took a medical leave from school. Since then, I have also developed a number of other health problems related to the long period of malnourishment - chronic neuropathy, dry eyes, and hormonal issues. Things have gotten better, but I still struggle every day to stay motivated, keep my head up, and keep the eating disorder at bay. Thanks for your wonderful blog, I love reading!
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog for a long time, and due to slight OCD, I have read everything you post. I have struggled with full blown anorexia for about two years now, along with depression and anxiety. I've been bouncing between recovery and my old habits for awhile now, and I don't write very much because I'm constantly afraid of what others think. I love your blog though and I admire you a lot!
ReplyDelete