Thank you all for your comments on my last post
You made a lot of good points
And made a lot of sense
My writing, my blog and my state of mind has changed a lot over the past few months
There has been so much change
And it's been tricky to adjust to that
So I'm sure some readers maybe didn't like the change
I was so entrenched in my eating disorder
It was all I wrote about
Day in
Day out
My life had shrunk to just me and my ED
It was all consuming
Now things are different here, over in eating disorder land
I have dipped my toe in to recovery
And have found that maybe, just maybe
There is a way out for me
At the moment I am writing a lot about the things I am doing now I am trying recover
Maybe some people don't want to read that
Maybe people liked reading about my struggles because it is more interesting that reading about recovery
Maybe readers who followed my blog from the start, can't relate to me anymore
Maybe it's upsetting for them to read about some one in recovery
It makes me sad to think that people would rather read about the negative
Rather than the positive
I realise that reading about the extreme highs and lows of life with an ED can make for more dramatic and interesting reading
Recovery can be boring
It can be monotonous
So I understand if that's why some people unfollowed me
But I have to write what is real to me
And at the moment my life revolves around trying to get well
I used to engage in behaviours and write about them
I guess it does make for juicy reading
But why do we want to read about the bad rather than the good?
I say we because I include myself in that too
I have been guilty of being a voyeur
Of watching someone's life implode
And feeling not so alone
And reassured that my life wasn't that bad
Now I tend to read more recovery based blogs
Because I can relate to them more
Reading about weight loss and dieting is just too triggering for me at the moment
There is so much negativity on the internet
It's so refreshing to read something positive
Maybe some people just can't relate to me any more
And that's why they have unfollowed me
I get that
Now that I am trying to recover
I have stopped reading blogs that I find triggering or upsetting
It was a hard thing to do
As I really cared for some of these people
But I have to do what is right for me and my recovery
They say you have to be a lit selfish in recovery
Maybe selfish is the wrong word
You have to look after yourself
And put your needs first
I find this incredibly hard to do
I am always thinking of others
And tend to put my own needs last
But again that is people pleasing
And that is absolutely exhausting
I have to do what is right for me
I have to make sure that I am ok
I guess my ego is a little bruised
I took the unfollows quite personally
I am very open on this blog
I really don't hide anything apart from my real name and my weight
Because I think it's nice to keep something for myself
But apart from that nothing is off limits
Maybe that is putting myself in a vulnerable position
But I know no other way
I need to be honest
And don't see the point is sugar coating things
Eating disorders are a life and death issue
It's that serious
I suppose I can get caught up in the stats of this blog
The amount of followers and hits I get
I think it's because I can get obsessive about numbers
Why?
I'm not so sure
At the end of the day
I am just glad to have people who read these words
And leave comments of hope and love
For those who have stuck by me through thick and thin (literally)
For those who leave comments and emails
For those who wish me well
And cheer me on as I try to recover
For those who are silent readers
And those who are genuinely happy for me
I thank you
Sincerely
And from the bottom of my heart
I won't name you all
You know who you are
It makes my heart swell to know that people are reading
And taking the time to leave some love
Your beautiful words give me faith in humanity
They truly make my day
So thank you to you
And you
And you
And you.........
I was wondering about you
Do you prefer to read about life with an eating disorder?
Or life recovering?
And why?
I prefer to read what you write :)
ReplyDeleteI read about the negatives and comment in hope that you feel better and congratulate on the positives.
I just want everyone to be happier in any way possible.
Love,
Christie :)
Thanks Christie
DeleteI am lucky to have loyal readers like you
Hope you are doing ok and enjoying your holiday x
Write what you need to write.
ReplyDeleteAnd getting better is about you and no one else. In my opinion you will help many more people by proving that recovery is real than by giving up your fight against this awful disease.
You are awesome, regardless of who follows or unfollows this blog!
And I won't leave you <3
This is such a great post to read from you! You have no idea how much joy and pride I'm feeling right now. Some people may decide that they don't want to read about recovery, but many others will come across this blog and follow you because of that, so do what you feel is right.
ReplyDeleteAs for me personally, I love reading recovery blogs! They're just as interesting, and even more inspiring.
You know what? Once you start writing according to what you think that your readers wishes might be.... it's no longer your blog.
ReplyDeleteAnd then it's all just about pleasing other people....But where will you go with the things you need to drop/spill somewhere?
I think you need your blog... there's a reason for the things you write. Sometimes for sharing, sometimes to get it of your mind, sometimes to find support, or seek advice.
And that's why I think you should write the things you want.... Otherwise the excisting of this blog makes little sense...
It's YOUR spot in the online world. Decorate it the way YOU like.
(L)
I love the cadence in your writing. You have the ability to make any subject interesting and exciting.
ReplyDeleteYour blog has led me to care for your well being and I want so much for you to recover and be happy.
I prefer to read everything about eating disorders, they just interest me a lot. But I have to say in the midst of my ED, I loved reading about food, or people restricting, or exercise, or tips, and now that I am recovered or, in recovery, whatever your opinion is, I tend to go more towards recovery, or ED blogs that talk more about their lives rather than food, just the food part or exercise or anything is too triggering for me now, and some blogs I have to avoid now that I've come back into the blogging world.
ReplyDeleteI love your writing, and I've liked everything I've read so far.
For me it's less about recovery vs. illness, and more about the personality of the person writing and how they deal with things that pop up in their lives. Also, I'm a half-in, half-out recovery person too, so on any given day I could be totally in my ED or trying to live without it. So it's not really about that for me.
ReplyDeleteI like reading your blog because you make a lot of sense to me. You are honest and real, open and raw and you don't hide anything. I love that! So many bloggers write just what they think their readers want to read, whether or not it's the whole picture, and that's so boring to me. Nothing in life is ever always one way. It's not always good, or always hard, or always interesting. It goes all over the place. Your blog is a really nice balance of good and tough, and it reflects a real person living their life. THAT is what I want to read :)