I received a comment and questions yesterday from a Father who has a child currently in Rhodes Farm
The comment was left in the What not to say to someone with an eating disorder part of my blog
He said he is slowly learning what not to say to someone with an ED
But he is finding that there is not much left to say when you take in to consideration all the conversations that you should avoid
So I thought I would hand this question over to you my readers
And then make a post with the results
So I would like to know from you
What helped you when you were in the midst of your illness?
What conversations helped you?
And hindered you?
What do you wish the people around you knew?
And what do you wish they would do?
Please do comment if you can think of any advice to give this father
I would really love to help him
And give him some hope
The number one thing I wish someone had said to me was that: there is no way to win with an eating disorder. You can resist treatment and hang onto this idea of having the perfect diet and the perfect weight for as long as you want, but it will never happen. You will either die or recover. And the longer you wait, the harder it will be to recover and the more likely it is that you will die.
ReplyDeleteI also wish someone had recognized that my eating disorder was very much tied up in intense fear, insecurity, and self-hatred. I wish someone had told me there were other ways to express pain. I wish someone had told me: "I see you. I see how much you're hurting."
Hope that helps. I can't imagine being a parent and watching your child go through this illness. My thoughts and prayers are with this father.
For me, my ED was very much tied to my sexual abuse and my chaotic home life. I was very, very insecure and I hated nosed because I had to do things right. Acknowledging my weight even in a bad way was attention and people noticed me hurting or how much control I had. Although, by control it was actually severe mental illness but it's all the same. :P it's a very selfish disease in that the person might have selfless motives towards family and friends and very cruel motives towards self but it's selfish. It's a very "look at me" disorder and if no on eisnlokking at you, seeing how thin you aren't, you must not deserve help or must not be I'll enough. It's pathetic really but when you're in it it's this huge thing. When help is offered then there's the excuse that "I just can't get fat" or "I'll never recover" or whatever bs the mind conjures up. I look back on my ED very critically now that I'm better and I know I will be much kinder to clients when I do therapy but I really do hate this disorder. It's this obstinate foot dragging thing. You can't feed it and yet you have to acknowledge it. I think it's important to build self-efficacy, self-confidence, and find things that the person is good at and enjoys. That's what helped me get better and as long as I felt good about myself, I didn't need it. It causes you to be immature, like you literally don't age emotionally and then you have to build your identity and get acquainted with yourself. Besides that, be loving but don't out up with the bull. Do kind confrontations because there's so many discrepancies going on. Otherwise hang on and hope/pray that they will find themselves and find the reason to get better.
ReplyDeletePs sorry for the typos. Darn phone
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