NEDA

It's National Eating Didorders Awareness Week this week

An important date on the calendar for sufferers and their families

I know it has been in the media a lot this week in this country

My doctor from treatment has been on the tv and radio numerous times this talking about eating disorders 

I think it's so important to talk about EDs

As we all know

EDs have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness

That is a chilling statistic

Eating disorders thrive on secrecy

Sufferers don't want to talk about what they are doing

Because they are embarrassed 

Because they are afraid

And because they are ashamed 

I know in my case

It took me years to even admit to the fact that I had an ED

I couldn't face up to the reality that I had anorexia

As well as having an addiction

It was all too much

I remember feeling so scared and alone at that time

I knew nothing about EDs

I knew no one that had experience with them

And it was so confusing

As I had always loved my food

And now it was becoming my enemy

I didn't know where to turn

Or what to do

Telling my family was beyond difficult

But I soon found out that they had suspected I had food issues anyway

That's the thing about EDs

We think we are hiding them

And keeping them secret

But those that know us best 

Always know that something is up

I think it's so important to talk about EDs and mental health issues

Ten people kill themselves every week on this country

And eight of those are men

Some high profile people have spoken out about mental illness in this country

Which has started the conversation in homes

We are not very good at talking about our issues here in Ireland

We are experts at sweeping things under the carpet and burying our heads in the sand

My family used to be like that

Growing up our house was turbulent

There were issues that badly needed to be addressed 

But instead they were ignored

And they festered and stewed

Almost tearing my family apart

But now 

Years later

We are able to talk openly about out addictions and disorders

And we are closer than ever

My hope for this week

NEDA week

Is that people talk more about EDs

In my mind 

EDs are a way to take some control over our lives

Those with EDs are not happy well adjusted people 

We are suffering

Suffering from low self esteem

We have little or no confidence or belief in ourselves

We are lonely

And afraid

It's no exaggeration to say that hate ourselves

And so we try to take control ovet the one thing we can

Our weight

As we all know

Treating EDs is extremely difficult

You are dealing with someone who might not want to get well

And it's damn near impossible to treat someone who doesn't want the help

I have been in hospital and treatment many times

It was always me trying to maintain my illness

Trying to stay one step ahead of the staff

I saw them as the enemy

As them trying to take away the only thing that was keeping me going

For me

Inpatient treatment did not work

And it took me a while to figure that out

Being around other girls with chronic illness was so hard

And the docks all day was good and weight

I don't doubt that it works for some people

And you have to be so focused and determined to get well in that situation

I began to get well with the help of Mary

It took me a long time 

But eventually I mustered up the courage to address my demons

I found doing it from home suited me much better

I think that inpatient treatment really needs to be looked at

And more out patient treatment needs to be available

This week two years ago

There was an ED convention in my home town

Organised by Bodywhys and Mary

Two days before the convention

Mary rand myself and my mother

And asked us both to speak at the conference

I was terrified 

But I really wanted to do it

I wanted to be honest about what it is like to live day in, day out with an ED

I felt it was so important to let people know the reality of it

I wrote out my speech

And wrote as if no one was ever going to read it

The day of the conference

I was a bundle of nerves

I watched the room fill up

With doctors, psychiatrists, families and sufferers

I held my speech in my hands

Reading over it again and again

Soon it was my turn to speak

I don't remember much about reading it out

Only that it was over before I knew it

I got so much great feedback afterwards

Mary hugged me

And she had a tear in her eye

I hope my speech that day gave  people a better understanding of what it's like to live with an ED

Because often families and friends are at a loss as to what to do to help their loved one

And I think it's up to us

Those of us that are suffering or in recovery

To let others know how to help us

And to ask for that help

Because inspire of what we think 

We can not do this alone