Rest Day

Today is a break from the A - Z Challenge

So I thought I would take the opportunity to do a personal update

As I haven't done one in over a week I think

Things are ticking along nicely 

I'm going to my meetings 

Appointments 

Walking the dogs

Eating my meals 

And horse riding 

Apparently I am going to be in a dressage show next month 

Which I am super anxious about 

It's basically doing a little routine with the horse 

WAlking and trotting around an obstacle course 

I did it for the first time last week

And found it quite tricky 

Someone calls out the instructions 

And you have to be on the ball 

Listening 

And acting promptly 

Usually myself and Star are behind another horse during our lesson

And Star literally follows and copies who ever is in front of him 

But when it was just me and Star

He wasn't taking my instructions at all

He wouldn't trot for me

And he was generally doing his own little course 

And I was left practically hanging off the side of him

I asked Eilish if I was going to be ready in time for the competition

And she assured me that she wouldn't put me in the show 

If she didn't believe I could do it 

So that gave me a little boost of confidence

I have three more lessons before the show

And hopefully I can squeeze in some e yea ones too

But 

As nervous as I am 

I really want to do the show 

I think there will be lots of learning for me 

And it might help my confidence too

All I can do is my best 

As long as I do that 

That's all the matters 

In other news 

I'm feeling good at the moment 

My mood is stable 

My meds are on track

And am taking them correctly 

I'm attending meetings twice a week

I have lots going on 

Including the Pilates 

Which I write about a few days ago

I think I will go back this week 

And see how I get on 

Despite having to look at the very thin girl

I'm also starting a dance class too 

Which I'm really looking forward to

I really want to learn salsa 

And how to jive

Jiveing is really popular here at the moment 

And I think it looks like great fun

It's something social to do that doesn't revolve around alcohol either 

Which is good for me 

My food is going ok

It's not fantastic 

But it's not terrible either 

I gues it's bearable 

I can live with it

And it doesn't interfere with my life too much 

I'm not weighing at all right now

I'm just going by how I feel 

Rather than my weight

My clothes fit

I feel healthy and strong 

And that's good enough for me

I inquired about my job 

And my disability payment

It turns out I can work twenty hours a week

And keep my benefit 

So that's something I need to think about 

After twenty hours 

My benefit will be cut on a sliding scale 

It's really hard to know what to do

I've asked quite a few people what they think

Some say I should just do the job

And forget about my benefit

Others say I should try and keep my benefit

As once you are taken off it 

It's incredibly hard to get back on it

I have to remember that this job is seasonal

And come September 

I might have no job again

Anyway

I will work something out 

So 

All in all 

Things are good 

I'm the best I've been in a long time 

And that is amazing 

I don't relax though 

I never relax 

I know I am only one drug away from relapsing 

The same with my ED

I think it's healthy to have a certain amount of  fear with your addiction

It's good as it keeps you on your toes 

And afraid to use or drink 

Complacency will just not go at all 

With that said 

I was wondering about you 

What keeps you going every day?

What gets you out of bed in the morning?

Inquiring mind nods want to know....