Facebooking from the edge....

I have only recently started using Facebook

I was blissfully ignorant to it for a long time 

I avoided it for a few reasons 

The number one being that I had no life 

And it made me feel really lonely and envious of all the people who seemed to have these fantastic lives

Basically 

If I had a FB account this time last year

All I would be posting is pictures of mountains of food, toilets and vomit 

And let's face it

That is nothing to brag about 

I had nothing positive to report at all

Also 

I simply couldn't handle seeing images and videos of cruelty to animals 

These images stayed lodged in my brain

And I literally couldn't go on knowing about the atrocities that we as humans do to animals 

It's a bit of a tug of war for me

I don't want to know these things 

Yet at the same time I want to be aware of what is going on

Take this morning for example 

I scrolled through my news feed 

And stumbled upon an article about animals being skinned alive in India and China 

To make out leather goods 

I broke down after reading the article 

I utterly despaired 

And did not want to be part of the human race if this is what we do to creatures that show nothing but loyalty and unconditional love 

I just don't understand it 

I really don't 

After the tears subside 

The anger sets in

And the absolute need to do something about 

I signed a petition 

I shared it on Facebook

And wrote a post about my feelings 

But it doesn't feel like enough 

I've been thinking about becoming vegetarian for a while now 

And now knowing where most of our leather comes from 

I'm even considering vegan ism 

The only thing is 

That I don't know the first thing about it 

I don't know how to cook vegan food 

I'm not even sure which foods are vegan

I just want to do something 

Even if it's in my own small way 

After this 

I went in to the kitchen 

And sat on the floor with Honey and Lea

I hugged them tightly 

And thanked my lucky stars that I am able to give two dogs a good and loving home 

Anyway 

Look 

I could write for days about this 

But I'll stop here as I just have no more tears 

In other news

Today is Friday 

And I usually have a half day today 

But today I am off sick with some sort of bug 

I've had diarrhoea for about two weeks now 

And I just feel so tired and weak

It's nice to have a day off though 

Even if I don't feel all that well

So I now have a month done of my course 

Some things are getting easier 

But I must admit

I do struggle to retain information

Thank you 12 years of drug abuse

For my brain like a sieve 

For low self esteem and confidence 

For an inherent inability to like myself 

Or to believe in myself 

For putting me through hell

And not forgetting anorexia and bulimia 

For my weak body 

A malfunctioning body

And for any lack of life skills 

Oh yes

They have treated me well

So because of all this 

More often than not 

I feel like the class dunce 

I always seem to be asked the question I don't know the answer to 

And never the one I do know the answer to

Yesterday I walked away from my stable and left the door open!

Our tutor shouted at me from across the yard 

And I felt so embarrassed 

But 

I'll never make that mistake again 

That's for sure

I struggle with the equipment 

I forget the names of things 

During our riding lesson

Our tutor had us take our feet out of our stirrups 

Asked us questions 

And we could only get our stirrups back when when answered our question correctly 

I had to do two laps of the arena like this 

And boy did I feel stupid 

On a positive note 

I am now cantering 

And not by accident 

Yesterday morning I was on a beautiful dun mare called Bambino

What a beauty 

I think she has been my favourite so far 

She was lovely and forward to ride 

Responded with little effort from me

Just a joy to ride

I was surprised when our tutor told me to canter 

As if had no instruction

It was just out of the blue 'Canter at the next corner'

I kicked on Bambi

Sat in to the saddle 

Leg behind the girth

And the sprang in to a canter 

Such a rush 

A definite improvement on my day

I only have a couple of photos this week

Below is Arnie having a rest 

And me chillin' with Bambi.....