I am sitting in the chemist
Waiting for my prescription to be filled
My doctor was back this morning
The kids are gone back to school
The radio is back to its usual schedule
Everyone has gone back to work
So all in all
Everything is getting back to normal
Just the way I like it
I guess I don't like the summer much
Maybe I would if we actually got a summer here
But no
Autumn is my favourite season by far
We had a birthday dinner yesterday
Which was nice
My sister made my favourite dinner
Boeuf bourguignon
Delicious!
It was a relaxed laid back affair
Followed by tea and apple tart
People have me money instead of gifts
As I am going away in a couple of weeks
My mum did get me some beautiful Cath Kidson tea cups though
And white chocolate
And talcum powder
Which I love
I collected my meds
And headed back down to the surgery to see Breda
It was a really good session with her
One where we acknowledged the positives that are happening in my life
She noticed my glasses
And my piercing
And said I looked really well
Which was nice to hear
It used to be a case that when someone told me that I looked well
I had a mild panic attack
But now
Now I am learning to accept the compliment in the spirit in which it was intended
Who'd have thought it...
I guess my look is changing
During my addiction and ED
What I looked like just didn't matter
I had no interest in clothes or hair or make up or my appearance at all
It's only really in the last year that I've started experimenting with my look
I guess now I know what I like
I know what clothes suit me
I'm a bit better at hair and make up
As you know
I go for the surfer type look
Even though I've never surfed a day in my life
I still like the look
I've changed my whole wardrobe in the last year
I'm much more confident in what I wear
And how I present myself
Breda also noticed my piercing
She said it was a really good look on me
She also mentioned how it's great thstbibdm asserting myself
And doing what is right for me
This is the great thing about being that little bit older
I'm more confident in myself
More sure of myself
I know my likes and dislikes
What suits me
What doesn't
I guess I'm now doing the experimenting thstbibfidnt get a chance to do in my twenties
And it is such good fun!
I told Breda about being discharged from Mary
She thought that was great
The only negative is that I haven't gone back to meetings yet
And she strongly advised that I do
I know that I need to
But I'm finding it really hard to go back
I know the longer I leave it
The harder it will be
So my goal is to get to a meeting before I go away
I have such a good feeling that this year is going to be the best yet
I'm the most well I've been in years
And I plan to make the most of my health and well being
As I said to Breda this morning
It has been a team effort to get this far
My family
Friends
Mary
My doctor
Breda
My psychiatrist
You my fellow bloggers
Have all played an integral role in my getting well
I couldn't have done it without each and every one of you
If I could say one thing
To all of you that are suffering right now
Please
Please
Please
Don't leave it as long as I did to get well
I know a lot of you are in your early twenties
Some even younger than that
My own twenties were a right off
And when I was in the midst of my illness
I couldn't see a way out
Weight gain was a huge barrier
I resisted it so much
I couldn't see any benefit to it
I was willing to risk my health
My happiness
And my sanity
Just to stay thin
I can't lie
Weight restoration is not fun
The discomfort
Clothes getting tighter
Bloating
Feeling fat and greedy
But slowly but surely
I began to see the benefits of weight restoration
My General health drastically improved
I no longer felt dizzy
Weak
Exhausted
It was like a fog lifted
Suddenly I could see more clearly
Think more clearly
And also I got to buy all new clothes
To replace the teeny tiny clothes I used to wear
My mood also improved
I felt more positive and content in myself
I know when you are in the throes of our illness
Recovery seems like something that happens to others
A foreign concept
But if we could just make that leap of faith
I promise you that you will get back ten fold what you put in
I remember when I was getting clean from drugs
I decided to give myself six months
And really throw myself in to recovery
If after those six months I didn't like it
I could always go back to my ED
It would always be there
My recovery might not be
I guess the sane principle can be used with an ED
We have nothing to lose
Anyway
Below are a couple of photos
Me and my pyjamas this morning
A couple of the cards I got
And the cups my Mother gave me
M