Saturday, 16 September 2017

Autumn update

And so it is September
Where did the summer go?
I finished up work last Thursday 
So am a free little bird again 
I thoroughly enjoyed work this year
Once I got in to it
And got over my anxiety
I relaxed 
And just went with the flow
No panic
No stress
No worrying and questioning myself 
Not taking myself too seriously 
And just enjoying it
It's a lovely place to work
I made new friends 
My manager is a very fair and sound person 
And there is a very friendly and informal atmosphere 
My manger asked me if I was willing to do some work in the residential home for the elderly 
So of course I said yes 
It will most likely be covering people's holidays etc
But it's a start 
And a chance to get to know the residents and staff
So that's some good news
I finished work on Thursday 
Which was also my birthday
A double celebration 
For my birthday 
Myself Mam and Fintan went for lunch 
And on Saturday my sister brought me for lunch 
I got some lovely gifts
A parka jacket
Riding boots 
A t-shirt
I was well and truly spoiled 
I know a lot of people don't like birthdays 
But I love them
Maybe because you are made a fuss of in my house
Finishing up work was bitter sweet
It's nice to have more time 
To spend with my dogs and Coco
But I do miss it
I miss the people
The buzz of service 
Meeting new people
Our holiday centre is a very special place
It's run by a charity called St. Vincent de Paul
And it arranges holidays for those who ordinarily wouldn't be able to afford a holiday
It's nice to think we are helping people 
And we do our best to make their holiday a memorable one 
Next year I plan to work full time 
Which will be a challenge 
But one I really want to go for 
I find working part time 
I wasn't as clued in as I was when working full time
Like everything 
There are advantages and disadvantages 

I didn't get to visit Coco as much this summer
But now the season is over 
I am back to seeing him as often as his can
He is doing well
There are sheep in his field now 
And himself and Lea have great fun chasing them around the field
He saw the farrier this week
And was as good as gold
Our farrier offered to take Coco for a week
To begin breaking him in
This is fantastic news! 
And I am so grateful to the farrier
To think that I could ride Coco at some point in the future?
That right there is amazing
I can't wait!
I am still riding a couple of times a week
And slowly but surely improving
I'm learning all the time
The horses are great teachers 
Star my buddy is such a handsome boy

In other news 
I am heading away on a little trip tomorrow 
I am treating the parental unit to a three night break away in a hotel
I am going on a riding trek
And the 'rents are going to chill out
I'm very excited for the holiday
And I'm delighted to be able to treat my parents 
And after a summer of working hard 
It's a nice way to finish it off
I can't lie
I'm a bit nervous to ride a new horse 
But I will do my best 
And that's all I can do

Healthy wise 
Mentally I am doing just fine 
I'm finally in a place where I am content just to be me 
I don't want her bum
Her boobs
Her legs 
I am happy enough with my own thank you very much 
My body has changed a lot 
But I'm getting used to it
I feel a long way away from my ED
It's not something I think about 
It's not something that takes up space in my life or my head
I am no longer Ruby the anorectic
Or even Ruby in recovery 
I am just Ruby
And that is enough 
Up until quite recently 
When I met new people 
I felt compelled to tell them my history
Almost to explain why I am the way I am
To let people know what nice been through 
Now 
I don't feel like that at all 
I don't make a point of telling people 
If it comes up fair enough 
But I don't deliberately bring it up
Progress friends..

So
That's it for another month
I hope y'all doing ok
Take care and stay well
See you on the next post...

Friday, 1 September 2017

September Update

I can quite believe that the summer is over
I finish up work next week
But my manager asked me if I was interested in doing cover for employees going on holiday 
I said I would as I think it's a good thing to get my foot in the door there
I think back to May
When I was just starting 
I honestly thought I wouldn't get through it
I thought my anxiety and fear would get the better of me
But four months later 
Here I am finishing up
And feeling so good that I stuck it out 
And got through it 
And do you know what?
I thoroughly enjoyed it
I made some new friends 
Got to meet the most amazing people 
And help them enjoy a much needed break away
There have been some challenges over the last few months 
Difficult guests 
Demanding people  
The morning the fuse blew in the kitchen 
But overall 
I am so glad that I did it 
It has given my  confidence and self esteem a much needed boost
I met all kinds of people this year 
Old people 
Tiny kiddies 
Teenagers with autism 
Adults with brain injuries 
Lovely people 
I also made over €100 in tips this week
Which is always nice
We had our staff night out a couple of weeks ago 
The girls went for dinner 
Which was just lovely 
And after met  up with the lads in the pub
Because of the horrendous hangover I had last year 
I decided just to have a couple of drinks this year
So I had three and headed home like a sensible girl
Two days later I was in work
And one of the chefs came in with a busted up nose and two blacks eyes
He had jumped in to stop a fight 
And got a right box on the nose
The other chef who started the fight ran off and left him
I am so glad that I went home early and missed all the drama
Theses days all I want is a quiet life

In other news
I am still horse riding 
About twice a week
Which I just love 
Riding is great for the head
Especially for a thinker and analyser like me
I had a lesson yesterday
And was on a new horse called Katie
Katie was much more forward and quicker than my usual Willow
And because of this I was a bit nervous
It was a tough lesson
But really enjoyed it
Look
I know I'll never compete or anything like it 
But I just want to be the best I can be
I want to be able to ride 
To canter
To feel an affinity with the animal
I had become very comfortable with Willow
So it was good to change it up
My instructor did ask me during the lesson if I wanted to swap back to Willow
But the stubbornness in me didn't want to
I love a challenge
And by the end of the hour I was getting better

ED wise 
Things are going well
I eat food 
I keep said food down
I rarely purge
I don't restrict or diet
I don't weigh or measure my self worth in pounds and ounces 
I don't  want to be underweight 
I don't want to starve myself 
I don't binge 
I'm not afraid of food anymore 
I even enjoy it 
Don't get me wrong 
Everything is not perfect 
But they are hundred time better than they were 
Amen to that!!
My body image has improved a lot
I am shapely 
I have curves 
Boobs galore
And a butt you could eat your dinner off
I wouldn't go so far as to say I love it
But it's growing on me 
Literally!!
Life has improved so much over the last 18 months
I am content 
I have moments of immense happiness 
I also have moments of utter despair 
But they balance each other out
Don't get me wrong 
Life is not perfect 
But it's the best it's ever been
When I think about where I have come from
I'm not doing too bad at all

That was just a quick update 
Will write again soon
Take care out there... x