Friday 29 June 2012

'Ivory'

Thanks for all the great feedback on'are we all addicts?'
It was a good documentary and really got me thinking
It reminded me of the one and only time I've used legal highs
Let me share it with you

It was a perfectly normal Saturday afternoon, drugs were the furthest thing from my mind and I was heading to my regular 1pm NA meeting
It was a small meeting only 3 of us when an extremely thin girl walked in
She was a bit flustered and when she sat down and looked into her eyes I could tell she was on something but I wasn't sure what
She spoke but didn't make a lot of sense, cementing my impression that she was a bit out of it
The meeting finished up and I ended up sharing a smoke with her out the back
She confessed that she was using, something called 'ivory'
She explained it was a legal high and she bought it in a shop (called head shops here) just down the street
I was intrigued as I had no experience with legal highs as they were new on the scene
She spoke at length and without being aware of it (or maybe I was) I found out exactly how to obtain this 'ivory'
She also admitted that she had an eating disorder and that the drug kept her weight down
Well that was it for me, I was already getting directions to the shop and making my excuses to leave
I must add this girls life was a mess, she looked like hell, owed a lot of money and was at the meeting to get help
Of course the addict/anorexic in me ignored this and only saw what I wanted to see, a way to stay skinny with the bonus of a buzz
I left with butterflies in my tummy, the way I always feel when I know I'm about to use
I could not get over how easy it was to buy this drug
It was as simple as buying sweets
I inspected the packet and it was advertised as 'bath salts' and 'not fit for human consumption'
This was how it was legal, stating this meant they fell into a loop hole in the law
I rushed home
My family were going out, perfect
I can't snort so I wrapped half the packet in tissue and swallowed  
I waited and waited and as I waited the guilt set in
What the hell was I doing?
I decided nothing was happening and it really was bath salts
I rang an NA friend to confess all
I had got to the point where I was chatting to the girl when I started to feel strange
My voice started to speed up and I felt like I was in fast forward
Shit, I couldn't confess now
I suddenly couldn't stop talking and kept her on the phone for ages
It was only when she hung up mid sentence and I realised I had been on the phone for 2 hours that I realised I was out of my fucking box
It was like cocaine multiplied by 100
My mother had come while I was on the phone
I tried to act normal but I couldn't stop talking, I literally couldn't control my mouth
She knew and I knew she knew but nothing was said
I spent the next 3 hours talking at her, complete shit of course
She escaped to bed
I tried to make tea but I couldn't get it together long enough to complete the action
I spent the night chain smoking and manically walking around my house
I started to worry when I hadn't come down by the next morning and I had nothing to speed (or slow down the process)
That evening still fucked up I confessed to my mother
I couldn't take the manic feeling anymore and retreated to my bed
I curled up  in the foetus position and prayed for the feeling to go away
The next few hours were hell as I slowly came down
I cried with relief when I finally felt normal
I was blown away how strong this 'legal high' was
I have never experienced anything like it
The feeling of not being able to string a thought together but yet not able to stop talking was terrifying
That was the last time I used ( apart from prescription drugs)
I'm kind of grateful that the experience was negative and I didn't want to use it again
It also solidified my opinion that man-made, synthetic substances are worse than natural drugs
A law has now been passed and the head shops have all been shut down
I've heard other horror stories about these drugs
God only knows what they're made of

Have you ever tried legal highs?
What was your experience?
Was it as scary as mine?

Thanks for reading and as always much love x

13 comments:

  1. Holy shit :(

    I haven't done bath salts, but I smoked synthetic weed every day for about 6 months - sometimes up to a quarter a day. Some were different to others. My local head shop got a new owner, and she made it. Her's (Naughty Piggy) was okay, and fairly weak. But that was always in short supply, and the buzz only lasted a few hours and I couldn't get high again for days.

    I smoked every kind I could find. Every variety of Naughty Piggy, K2, Northern Lights & Kronic, plus a few others. Kronic was the worst, but the others weren't much better. I would hallucinate and scream randomly and cry and have full-blown anxiety attacks.

    One time, after randomly screaming so many times in a day, mum came out and did my blood pressure and vitals. My BP was at severe hypertension levels (I normally have a low BP), and my heart rate was at its maximum. It nearly killed me, every day for months. But it was addicting, and so much easier to get than real weed. It would take me an hour or more to walk the 10 meters from the couch to leave the shed, because I kept falling over and convulsing and losing vision - even passing out. And I kept doing it every day. Eventually I quit everything (after two hospital admission in a month) in December, but started back on the real thing at the end of February.

    Synthetics are horrible. Just the worst :( Never, EVER use legal highs of any sort, kids!


    Hope you're okay
    xxBella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for sharing that Bella. I wholeheartedly agree, synthetic drugs are pure muck, give me the real thing anyday (not really they ruined my life too)

      Hope you're ok too sweet Bella x

      Delete
  2. No, but once I overdosed on 70 tablets of temazepam, sleepeaze, venlafaxine and paracetamol. I went insane. I don't know why, I think the venlafaxine makes my psychosis worse (they didnt realise I had it at the time until taking it set of a really bad patch) and outweighed the effect of the sleeping tablets.

    I skipped down the street, throwing almonds around the place, saying, goodbye calories, goodbye calories. I saw a friend, I told her I wanted to dance, let us dance, that I needed to dance off my fat or I would have to cut off my teddy's head. she called an ambulance. suddenly i couldnt use my leg muscles. that was the temazepam. i started crawling away from police men (my friend said i was hysterical and so they came incase i was aggressive, i was not) saying, you can't catch me, mr poice man, i'm the ginger bread man. they carried me to the ambulance. i started playing an imaginary piano I could really see, asking my friend to turn up the volume of the telly, and werent all the flowers so very very pretty. i kept asking for my ipod, my friend went in my bag to find I had packed a black dress and a box of stickers with me before leaving the house, and i kept forgetting i had the ipod in my hand. i kept crawling off the bed, falling off the floor, twitching and trying to get the ipod from my bag that i was already holding.

    i am really not sure how I was allowed home.

    Love you miss xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow I'd say you are lucky to have survived that, mentally and physically and I'm glad you did,

      Love you too, hope you're ok x

      Delete
  3. My bf always says manmade drugs are the worst too.. I have never done drugs of any kind but I read an article about a man in miami who got high of bathsalts and attacked a homeless man and ate the mans face - whilst the homeless guy was alive (he lost one eye and a nose and much of his face) just google "miami cannibal" and news article should come up.. I am glad you didnt continue using them.
    Hope youre ok Ruby <3 lots of love

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes I heard about that too. I really dread to think what is in that stuff, I'm lucky I got away from it relatively unscathed.
    I'm glad you don't feel the need to use drugs, you're really not missing much so don't worry.

    Hope you're ok too sweetie, lots of love x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Holy crap is all I can say. I will admit that girl made the drug look and sound good. I do not blame you for wanting to try it.

    I am surprised too by what the drug did. I mean I talk enough as it is already I can't even begin to think about what that drug would do to me. Whatever happened to making a drug that slows down time and appetite. Freakin speed talking? What were they thinking?

    In the US we have no legal drugs like that. At least that I know of. I know they were working on legal weed but not sure where they are with that though.

    I enjoyed this post today. I felt like I was there with you experiencing the drug. You are such a great story teller! I will see you on the next post.

    ReplyDelete
  6. There have been all sorts of legal highs here but the only onr I've only tried was not-pot before it was banned (Legal fake weed)once and gave up on it because it has at least double the tar of ciggs.

    One of my coworkers earned the blog nickname "Chucky" after her flatmates tried to cook Kronic (another legal fake weed) into brownies like you can do with weed. . . Yeah, don't EVER try it! It doesn't react well to the heating and her whole flat spent days vomiting from it.

    All these "legal" highs are badly researched and haven't been tested enought o make them worth the risk. I'd rather take the risk of being arrested for some good-quality illegal stuff than some shit-quality legal stuff that just makes you sick without a buzz.

    I don't care how skinny BZP could make me, it's not worth the sickness involved. Guess ED doesn't have me too far in his clutches atm, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Totally agree Peridot, I shudder to think what's in that stuff,
    at lest you know what you're getting with natural stuff (apart from whatever they cut it with of course)

    Love ya x

    ReplyDelete
  8. The only legal high I've ever used is laughing gas. It's packaged as a gas to use in whipped cream or something, it doesn't seem to have much of a long term affect though. It completely wears off after a minute or so of crazy laughter.
    I remember a while ago, M-CAT was really popular near where I live. I was only 13 at the time, but literally all of my friends were taking it. I think it was some form of plant fertiliser, so it was legal at that time. It messed up quite a few people I know who took too much. My friend's brother turned paranoid and refused to leave the house for months when he took too much. I'm so glad I never took it. It's completely illegal now because the police discovered it after loads of people were hospitalised.

    Natural drugs are definitely more healthy. Man-made drugs can have anything in them, whereas it's harder to mess with natural drugs.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I definitely agree,

    Hope you're well x

    ReplyDelete
  10. about 8 months after I got clean I heard about bath salt. I really wanted meth but did an on line order of it I thought hell I cant go to jail and I can get high again. I never received my bath salt but the effers took my money. later I did more research on this stuff and am very glad I got ripped off the more I read about side effect the scarier this stuff gets lol Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for leaving some love x