Because my life feels a bit out of control at the moment
And I generally don't feel like I am in charge of my own body right now
I decided to take back a little bit of control for myself
So I would feel like a willing participant in recovery
Instead of feeling like a hostage
So I decided to get rid of my scales
I thought of many ways to dispose of it
Smash it with a hammer
Throw it off a cliff
But because I live so near water I decided to throw in to the lake near my house
Technically this is littering but I'm sure Mother Nature will forgive me this one indiscretion
The preparations started last night
 |
| No more weighing my worth in pounds and ounces! |
 |
| One last weigh in! |
 |
| Smuggling my scale down to the lake |
 |
| Honey reads this sign and then ignores it |
 |
| Will she, won't she..... |
 |
| She will! |
 |
| Splash! |
 |
| Goodbye scale, hello life! |
A bit sad almost
Not sad to lose my scale
But sad to let go of the girl that I was
That sick girl
The girl who was anxious and depressed
Lonely
Afraid
The symbolic gesture of throwing the scale in to the lake made me realise that I am growing up
Moving on
Things are not perfect
Far from it
My ED still has a certain hold over me
But I am willing to let go of it bit by bit
I am willing to recover
I am willing to live
Goodbye scale, hello life!!!!
OMG!! I will totally join you in this one...I am sick of weighing and being like shit afterwards..sick of this controlled life by stupid numbers..SO PROUD OF YOU FOR DOING THIS...Emy
ReplyDeleteDo yes Join me!
DeleteIt felt so good
No more weighing, it should be law!! x
Congratulations Ruby! Getting rid of your scales is amazing, I'm so frikkin' proud of you right now! Will you still be weighed by Mary, or not sure yet?
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry I'm short on words right now, but your pictures are beautiful and so inspiring. One step at a time Ruby my dear. Sending lots of love and hugs <3 xx
Thank you dear Bella
DeleteI'm not sure about Mary weighing me yet, I'll know next week
Don't worry sweetie, I completely understand
Please take care of you x
This was good to hear Ruby... I look forward to your journey ;-)
ReplyDeleteAs always, thank you Launna x
DeleteTHIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL POST I HAVE EVER SEEN. I WANTED TO BREAK MY LAPTOP THIS IS JUST AMAZING OH MY GOD RUBY THIS IS BEAUTIFUL SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL
ReplyDelete"The symbolic gesture of throwing the scale in to the lake made me realise that I am growing up"
i'm glad. i'm so glad. Ruby, darling, this is wonderful.
you really are amazing.
i honestly just want to cry.
-Sam Lupin
Awh thank you Sammy Sam
DeleteYou are more amazing, so glad to have met you here in the blogosphere x
This made me laugh so much! You go, girl!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, glad you had a giggle x
DeleteCongrats! super!
ReplyDeleteThank you lovely x
DeleteWow :) Good job Ruby! Congrats :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Kitty x
DeleteYou Rock Ruby! So you don't want to be "that girl" anymore; what awesome chick will you be? The choice is yours. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteI know Josie, that is the exciting part
DeleteWho will I be now?
Watch this space.......
You are so strong!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm really not Nathalie but thank you x
Deleteall humans are special, beautiful. all of them. that's the beautiful thing about this world. but thank you for telling me this.
ReplyDeleteand your posts make me smile. so if my comments make you smile, then that means we're even.
-Sam Lupin
You truly are special and yes we are most definitely even x
DeleteThis is simply incredible, well done Ruby! Even when the buzz dies down a bit, don't let your head twist or undervalue how you felt throwing the scales away. It is a strong, meaningful act - and I think everyone here wants it to be only the start of things to come for you Ruby. Congratulations, Amy xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you Amy for your continued support
DeleteYou know I had quite a wobbly day after this
It was like my ED tried to fight back and really messed with my head for a while
I think I'm ok now
Hope you are well Amy x
Yes, it can be so frustrating when the ED does a u-turn on you like that! I think it always tries to have the last word - but just stay calm, it's ok to not take more steps forward straight away - just regain your balance and make sure you don't take steps back until you're strong enough for another fight. The battles get easier and easier every time; you're doing amazingly. Hope you are well too, Amy x
DeleteOh, this is the best post. I love it. I also love the last weigh in, because yes you are amazing, in everything you're trying to do to take back life. This is my favorite. I love you so much dear. I have a scale in my bathroom and a sledgehammer in my garage...
ReplyDeleteJoin me!
DeleteGrab that sledgehammer and make mince meat of your scale
I promise you it is worth it!! x
Woot woot! You're doing so well! I was scared too. It took having a body composition test to show me it doesn't matter what you weigh, it matters how much lean muscle you have and how much body fat you have. If I'm gaining weight and it's all muscle than I'm pumped. I have a scale and it's to look at it and know that it's no longer a warden to the mental prison of anorexia. It's now a reminder that I'm beautiful despite the number, the pinch tester is the real warden now. :) progress is amazing. Change is beautiful. Embrace the mature you lovely.
ReplyDeleteNow I know why people recover
DeleteBecause it feels great to sock it to anorexia
Thanks for your continued support Eve
You have been an inspiration x
Wow, well done, this is incredibly inspiring after following this blog for so long. To think you could make to much progress is really great.
ReplyDeleteGood luck
x
Thank you my dear for reading and supporting me
DeleteIt means so much x
that is amazing Ruby! you go girl!!!
ReplyDeletexxxxx
Thank you Loulou
DeleteHope you are well x
Brilliant! Absolutely love it !
ReplyDeleteso. brave. : )
ReplyDelete