I was reading Rebecca's last post
She posed a question that Stephen Fry posed in his documentary about bipolar disorder
If there was a big red button in front of you that would take it all away (Ie mental illness, eating disorder, addiction) and make you 'normal', would you press it?
I think this is a really thought provoking question
And I have thought a lot about this over years
I've been angry and resentful about my situation
I've been jealous of others who seem to sail through life
I've been depressed about the fact that I am not and never will be 'normal'
But being me hasn't been all bad
I've had some amazing experiences because of my illness and addiction
And I've met the most awesome people along the way
I've learned so much
I've become a better and more empathetic person
I am the person I am today because of the experiences that have shaped me
It is a burden though
Having both an addiction and an ED to deal with
And part of me would love to be ED and addiction free
But they are part of who I am
Some may call them flaws
Or character defects
But I think they make up the person that I am
However if I could I would take away the pain it has caused my family over the years
But to answer the question
No
I wouldn't press the button
Would you press the button?
I would press it. But alongside the mental health issues, it'd have to erase the trauma and crap that triggered them too. I'd be able to start over from an age I'm too young to remember. It would give me the chance to have a new life with a clean slate. I have no idea where I'd be now if it weren't for all the crap, but I'd take the chance (as long as the button isn't allowed to give you other mental illnesses/addictions/crap).
ReplyDeleteIt's not that there aren't silver linings, and I do appreciate them, but I wouldn't think twice about instantly erasing it all.
xx
I completely understand you wanting to press it Bella
DeleteIn a lot of ways I would too
I would just be afraid of what would be left
But to live a life free of these burdens would be amazing
And be a good person anyway
You have been through too much Bella
A lot of us here have
In a lot of ways it's really not fair
There are 4 kids in my family
And 3 of us have 'that gene'
The addiction gene
The mental illness gene
The 'tendency to be negative gene'
My sister was down here last night
She is on the verge of having a breakdown (Not the sister from Oz)
I'm sure if she could press that button
She wouldn't think twice
So I totally understand wanting to press it
I would press if for you too x
Oh dear stephen fry, I adore his "rants". I used to quote him, as he once said he "would not swap this for all the tea in china". And i know one might think that of of this might be related and there is no pick and choose - as there alos is NO rd button i would say:
ReplyDelete1. yes I would DEFINITLY press it in regards to my BDD (and connected) ED and anxiety, all of these brought nothing but pain and were an UTTER waste of time and life and happiness, and kept me from SO much!!
2. But I am not entirely sure if i would press it in regards to the ADHD. I don't know why. In contrast to popular believe ADHD occurs in all kinds of people with all levels of intellegence, and it stops people from achieving what they would normally be able to achieve. It def has in my case. But i like the endless resources of energy ( that we use for being overmeotional and moving in circles, and this very fast!), the prolonged adolescense (although it got me into a lot of trouble already e.g. bullying, fierce envy (for WHAT?) etc, very seldomly being able to fit in). Thinking about it it has so so so so many downsides (i do not even want to think about on a sunday morning), but my energy and my indestructible innnocence (i guess i can't even concentrate on trauma long enough to have a lasting effect (irony)) my crazy imagination and inventiveness make me me.
I know Lilly
DeleteI know there is and never will be a red button
I was interested to see what people would say
If I could start over
A huge part of me would
I wonder is it because now I am removed from the pain of my ED and addiction
That I almost forget how bad it was
Maybe if I was in the midst of it
I would think differently
But right now right here
I wouldn't press it
Hope you're doing ok
Will email you later on x
I meant I know there is not a red button
Delete(Are typos contagious? he he!! x
No! They are ADHD. Everything I do is fast. I am fully capable of producing pristine assignments, I am bilingual, plus I have also read French, Latin and Ancient Greek, but I do not put the same care into everything, inconsistency is a huge issue with my condition. Therefore I am aware that this combined with the way I look can simply lead people to believe that I am just some little fool/want-to-be smartarse. I also have to admit that I do not give a sh** about these people or blogger or the typos on it for that matter. But I do care a lot about YOU and if this carelessness (especially as you are fully aware of my academic history) offends you in any way please do let me know, and I will put the same effort into these comments as I put into my academic work. And I am NOT and in no way offend. I just felt I need to clarify, as you are very dear to me!
DeleteMuch love, hun!
F****!!! offended!bloody hell!
DeleteWith all my strength I would press the button. x
ReplyDeleteIf only there was one Destiny
DeleteSo many lives would be saved
And so many hearts wouldn't break x
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, I would push it. To be normal, to have a job, friends, a LIFE. No more anxiety, no more panic attacks, no more eating issues, no more Asperger. Yes, I'd push that bloody button all the way.
ReplyDeleteI totally get that CP
DeleteIn a lot of ways
I would press the button
So I agree with you to a certain extent x
I've just posted about this briefly recently and it's really interesting. I don't think I would press the button, I'd keep the Aspergers, but I could do away with the anxiety and depression that comes with it.
ReplyDeleteLooking back on high school I sometimes wish I knew them what I know now and was as confident as I am now, maybe then mainstream school wouldn't have been such a disaster.
I can relate to this Anne
DeleteIt would be amazing to have a clean slate
To start over
But this is my life
And in a lot of ways
I don't want any other life x