It was quite the eye opener
I must admit
I have never used any on line dating site to meet someone
I guess what with a drug addiction and an ED
Meeting someone just wasn't on my agenda
When I was growing up
There was no Facebook
Or Twitter
Or Plenty of Fish
I met boys the old fashioned way
After school
When we went for a sneaky smoke behind the church
I went to an all girls school
And there was a boys school very near us
So we met up at lunch
Stole kisses where we could
It was all very innocent
When I was 14
I met my first boyfriend
He went to the technical school
Which was considered a doss school
He also lived in a rough area
I was always attracted to danger
I went out with this boy for about 8 months
But at that age
It felt like a life time
We were both huge Door's fans
We wrote each other love letters
I addressed mine to 'Jim'
He addressed his to 'Pamela'
(Jim Morrison and Pamela Courson, the famous couple from back then)
But again it was very innocent
We met every day after school for about an hour
We met in town at the weekend
Sometimes I would tell my parents I was babysitting
And go to meet him in his house
Then in the summer
He went away for a few weeks
We were devastated
And vowed to stay together
But
Out of sight
Out of mind
When he came back
I just didn't have feeling for him anymore
Oh the fickleness of youth
Any other relationships I had were drug related
So we won't talk about those
Anyway
Back to on line dating
I know my friends have used Tinder
I know my two sisters have used various sites
I know that my uncle met his wife on line
But I have yet to dip my toe in to that pond
It's not that I don't want to meet someone
Or that I have a problem with on line dating
I just haven't been in the right frame of mind for a relationship
I was fighting for my life
I hated myself
Never mind letting anyone else get close to me
So my sister suggested that I sign up to an online dating service
I was a bit reluctant at first
But the more I thought about it
It seemed like a good idea
Most people in this country meet in pubs and clubs
I frequent neither
So I rarely meet new people
The things I do attend
Well swimming is a solitary activity
Although this morning there was a man talking to me in the pool
Unfortunately he wasn't even my species
Never mind my type
Only joking
That's mean
But it's true
That's another thing
Flirting
I am shamefully out of practice with flirting
I wouldn't recognize someone flirting with me if they stripped right in front of me
I just have no idea any more
How to meet people
How to flirt
How to date
How to act
How to dress
The etiquette
Nothing
I am a dating virgin
And I need not to be
I guess that's what 'normal' people my age do
They meet
They date
The play the field
Keep their options open
We are becoming more like our sisters in the US
Dating multiple people
And not committing until ready
It would bring some much needed fun in to my life
And boy do I need that
Things have been so heavy the last few years
So much stress
And depression
And anxiety
It's about time I enjoyed myself
And lived life to the Pepsi -Max
So I'm going to do it people
I'm going to pop my dating cherry
What's the worst that could happen?
Famous last words........
You can meet people in the most strangest of places. On-line or in person, as you said: what could happen? No, go for it!
ReplyDeleteTrue CP
DeleteActually having dogs is a great ice breaker
I always get talking to people when I'm walking them
I guess I need to be more open to the possibility of meeting someone
Send out good vibes and all that
Thank CP x
hun, i'm superbusy, just wanted to leave a quick hello and all the best for your darling Honey, sending all my very best wishes her way!!
ReplyDeletexxxx
Lilly so lovely to see/read you
DeleteI am thinking of you every day
I know you are so busy these days
And I really appreciate your well wishes
I'm getting a new phone next week
So I will email you properly
Take care sweet one x
big big hug hun
Deletexxxxxxxxx
And to you love x
DeleteHi Ruby!
ReplyDeleteI SO IDENTIFY with everything you have written here that I can hardly believe that I haven't written it myself! It's almost spooky.
Okay, I haven't had a drug addiction, but the ED... the frame of mind... just... everything.
I recently joined a free online dating site but to be honest, I'm just too 'ill' to actually meet anyone. I was hoping that a relationship might be a kind of saving grace thing but I haven't got the energy to engage with anyone.
And that's the thing about Anorexia... it takes up everything. It swallows your whole potential for life.
I'm glad you have got where you are. It's been a long, tough uphill struggle, and you still have so far to go, i know...
But you are making it happen. Starting to carve a new life.
Keep going Ruby. You are amazing!
firefly
x
I'm so glad that you can relate
DeleteSometimes I feel as if I am the only one going through these things
I hope and pray that you find the strength to get out FF
It's a huge leap of faith
But I promise you
All the things that you are afraid of won't happen
I just wish I could make you feel that way I feel now
Full of hope and gratitude
Believe me when I say that as quickly as things can go down hill
They can also turn around pretty fast too
That's the great thing about this
You can carve a new life too
I believe in you
Much love x
I'm really excited that you're starting to think about dating again! Like you said above, having a dogs can be a great ice breaker. Are there dog parks or beaches or anything like that near you? You might even meet someone at a doggy playgroup. There are so many places to meet people that don't involve drinking.
ReplyDeleteI actually met my only serious partner at the gaming cafe I used to frequent. We were together for two years, and broke up maybe a month before I started blogging. I knew at the time I wasn't well enough to get into a relationship (this was just before my ED started) but it happened anyway. I kinda wouldn't mind entering the dating world again, but I'm very torn on the issue. I've always been a natural flirt and enjoy dating but I really don't think I'm in the right place to drag someone else into my crap.
Good luck! Keep us updated!
xx
Yes there are lots of beaches around me
DeleteSo lots of opportunity
I guess I need to get over my shyness and awkwardness
I know a lot of people who use meetings as a way to meet people
But that can really go wrong
So kinda want to avoid that
But I think the fact that I am more open to meeting someone will bring up new opportunities
I can't lie Bells
I am terrified
But also really excited about what could happen
I see so many happy couples around me
I would love to share that with someone
I will of course keep you updated
All of your support keeps me going
Much love x
This is such an amazing step for you Ruby! Wow this post just made me so happy because I know how scary it can be to think about starting relationships. This post just says so much about you. I take relationships as a sign of someones true self, you've been working on bettering yourself, and you haven't had time for relationships, and that has been completely 100% okay, but now you feel ready, and that to me says that you feel confident in yourself. It takes a lot of confidence to want to put yourself out there, not knowing what may happen.
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you!
<3
Kay
Ruby--
ReplyDeleteI've never been one to do the whole online dating thing myself. Lately, I have dipped into it. I've never had issues with meeting guys, it was just the kind if guys that I WAS meeting when I went out. They all wanted one thing, which I didn't want. I wanted more, a relationship, not a one night stand type thing.
So I've met a few guys from off line. Some dates were good, some were bombs....it's all about taking a chance, seeing what happens.
Try it out the worst that can happen is that you make a new friend. : )