Teething issues

As you know

I'm in the process of getting new teeth

Last August I had temporary crowns put in

They were replaced in December

And I'm now waiting to get permanent ones

I had an appointment this morning to take impressions of my teeth

My dentist is so funny

He's always telling me how great it is that I'm getting new teeth

And how he's getting 'great satisfaction' out of my case

It was a marathon session this morning

Almost three hours

First I had surface anisthetic applied to my gums

Then came the huge needle

I hate that part

It stings like nobodies business

There was lots of horrible noises 

And a lot of pulling and pushin and scraping

The noise alone was enough to make me want to run screaming from the room

He then took out my crowns

Which went flying across the room at speed

Next he took impressions of my teeth

It's a scary sight to see myself without the crowns

All that is left of my real teeth are little stumps

Pointy shards of rotting tooth

Next he put the crowns back in

Which took some time

I was so glad when he finally announced that we were finished 

I couldn't take much more

I've had an awful lot of trouble with my teeth over the years

A combination of smoking thirty a day

A drug addiction

Daily rinses of stomach acid

And ten years of methadone have really taken a toll on my poor teeth

I've had so many extractions

That all that's left in the back of my mouth is gum

Given all my teeth have been through

I'm lucky to have any left standing all

So I'm back in a couple of weeks for my final appointment

I'm dreading it already

But it's worth it to have nice white and straight teeth

My dentist is an artist I think

They say in recovery that you should do it for yourself

Get well for yourself

Get clean and sober for yourself

And if you can't do that

Fake it until you make it

When ever I have tried recovery

It's always been to appease others

And maybe that's enough to get clean

But not to stay clean

Which I am learning for myself

So this week

I decided to do a few things to help myself

I went to see my addiction counsellor

I had reflexology done

I went to a meeting yesterday 

And got my teeth done today

And I did all these things for my well being

I did them for my own peace of mind

My own self worth

And it felt good

So yes 

I went to a meting yesterday 

I was glad to see that the creepy man wasn't there

 I was asked to do a reading at the start of the meeting

For some reason this caused me huge anxiety

And at one point I didn't think I could do it 

But I took some deep breathes

Grounded myself

And I was able to continue

The meeting itself was great 

Listening to the readings

And listening to others share

Made me realise that I was in the right place

That I am an addict 

And I need a programme to get well

I'm not sure why 

 But I always fight with myself over going to meetings

A big part of me doesn't want to go

And resents going

But yet when I am there

I have no doubt that I am in the right place

And am around others who are just like me

After the meeting I felt like my battery was charged

Like my fuel tank was full again

And I felt able to go out and face the day

So often I am going around with an empty fuel tank

Running off of fumes

With no energy

Going to a meeting is like a shot of adrenaline in the arm

And it was much needed

My mother and my sister can't in to the living room yesterday

And told me they needed to speak to me

I immediately became anxious

As I had no idea what this was about

It turns out

That my sister is bringing my mother away for a few days to Prague

From Saturday to Thursday

Although my dad will come down for a couple of those days

I'm really glad they are going away

God knows my mother needs a treat

They made it clear that they are trusting me with the house

And if I mess up

There will be consequences

I am determined not to mess this up

I will stick with my clean friends

Go to a meeting or two

And generally keep my head down and out of trouble

This is my chance to prove that I can be trusted

That's all the news from here today

See you on the next post x