Monday, 29 February 2016

'Tell me why I don't like Mondays'

I can't quite believe how quickly the weeks are flying in
Monday seems to come around so very quickly
The days can be long 
But they don't be long adding up
As usual
I was in the doctors first thing this morning
Today
Topics included
The Oscars
Making films 
Horses and how my doctor is afraid of them 
Last week 
It being EDAW
I told my doctor that I would bring him in something to read 
The something being the piece I wrote for the ED convention back in 2013
So I gave him said piece 
And told him it was something to read on his coffee break
He seemed excited to read it 
I don't know why I haven't given it to him before now 
I guess that piece is precious to me 
And my doctor being an avid reader 
I was worried about what he would think of it and my writing 
I haven't let many people read it
I mean yes
I read it out at the convention
And I have it up in my blog 
But they are strangers 
Letting people I know read it is another matter 
But anyway 
He has it now 
I'll be interested to see what he makes of it
From a medical point of view 
And from a literary point of view 
He took it from me 
And placed it beside his computer
As I left 
It was all I could do not to reach across him and snatch it back
And run out of the room
But 
I think it might give him an insight in to the mind of a person with an ED
I mean of course he knows the medical side of things 
And I guess that's his job 
The head and mind stuff is up to the psych team 
Anyway 
He has it now 
It will be I interesting to see what he makes of it next week

After my weekly dose of doctor 
I headed up to the pharmacy 
Handed over my script 
Then decided to head over to the bank to see how little money I have for the week
I checked my balance 
Which was just enough to see me through the next few days 
Then began walking back to the pharmacy 
It was a bitterly cold morning 
With a sharp wind
I pulled my coat around me 
And took my gloves out of my pocket 
As I fought the wind 
And tried to put my gloves on 
I managed to drop one 
And it being a windy day
It took off down the street
I had no choice but to run after it
Every time I got close to it
It was whipped out of my grasp by the wind 
It was a wild goose chase
There I was sprinting down the street after my wayward glove
I got quite a few funny looks
Eventually 
I made a huge leap
Like an Olympic long jumper
And landed on the glove 
Feeling very pleased with myself that I had managed to catch it

In other news
I am getting my next piercing done on Friday 
My sister is going to come with me
And I am super excited!
I am think that getting my labret pierced is going to be much more painful than my nose 
But I am ready for it 
And anyway
The pain only lasts a second 
So I will pull up my big girl pants 
And suck it up
But I am really looking forward to getting it done
It's like buying a new item of clothing 
Something to make me feel good about myself 
My poor Mother is horrified at the prospect of another piercing 
She pleads with me not to get it done 
I tell her she will get used to it 
Just like my nose 
She said that she tolerates my nose ring at best 
Like a typical mother 
She says to me 
'You're going to ruin your beautiful face'
But I feel it will enhance my face 
And make for an interesting feature to my face 
Like a feature wall in a living room
Or something to that effect

I am becoming increasingly worried about my teeth 
As you know 
I had a lot of very labour intensive and expensive work done on my teeth last year 
And because my purging has increased again in recent months 
I fear my teeth may fall in to ruin
Just like my real teeth did
Every time I purge 
I promise myself that this will be the last time 
But it never is 
I continue to purge 
To put my body under huge stress
And my teeth being washed with stomach acid 
Every time I throw up
It's a worry
And a huge incentive to stop purging
But like any addiction
It's nigh on impossible to stop
I need to do it though 
Before it damn well kills me 

With all that said 
I was wondering about you 
If you have experienced bulimia
What helped you to stop purging?
How did you stop?
And how did you stay stopped?
Any tips or advice much appreciated....

11 comments:

  1. When you do stop, you will not in any way miss it. X

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  2. I believe that you have the power and strength to stop in your own time. Only you can do it, but we your reader friends are here for you, rooting for you and cheering you on as you fight for your life.

    Reach out if you need, and I will be there. Sending bunches of love and hugs xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Annie
      I appreciate it
      And every single one of you who are cheering me on
      Hope you are doing ok?
      Remember our pinkie promise?
      Keep fighting x

      Delete
  3. I want to get pierced again too, but my boyfriend has vetoed me :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What would you like to get pierced CP? X

      Delete
  4. I never could purge (no gag reflex), but I must admit that I never even considered it for most of the bad ED years because of what it does to your teeth. I guess my phobia of dental issues managed to outweigh to the urge to make myself throw up.

    I get the same lecture from mumsy with each new tattoo, but I still have no intention of stopping with just 4.... Can't wait to see photos!:)

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    Replies
    1. Yes of course
      I will provide many photos
      Can't wAit!!!! X

      Delete
  5. Can't wait to see the new piercing! I haven't had any nasal piercings done, but I think the labret would hurt less. My lip piercing killed and swelled up a heap, but I'm pretty sure that's because it went through the actual lip. The pain's part of the fun though. I love lying in the chair, watching people flee the store on CCTV when I scream :')

    Your mum will get used to it. Mine used to freak out whenever I got new piercings. Her birthday present a few years ago was a little cartilage stud in her ear (and I really want to get a matching one for my 80-something great aunt, who loves my piercings).

    I like the logic of enhancing your face rather than ruining it. Just like wearing any other jewelry or accessory.

    xx

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  6. A small thing that I found very helpful when I'm working on reducing my purging is to put stickers in my agenda or calendar on the successful days. It seems like such a small silly thing but I'm always so proud of myself at the end of the day when I take my sleeping pill and choose a sticker. I also love going to the store and picking out the cutest sparkly stickers!

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Thank you for leaving some love x