Wednesday, 27 April 2016

W is for weight!

Another ED related post
But there aren't a whole lot of words beginning with W
So weight it is
And it is topical 
Given my last post

I want to thank you all for your valued feed back on my last post
I know you all have my best interests at heart
And I really appreciate that
I've decided not to go ahead with the media company
It just didn't feel right
It almost felt like the photos I provided weren't shocking enough
And that is really sad
I could go ahead and share the ones of me in my underwear 
But they are so very personal
I just don't feel at all comfortable with it

You all made some really good points about the story they wanted to run
Emaciated girl gets healthy is a popular theme 
The before and after 
The shocking and the victory 
From illness to recovery 
That story has been told a million times
What about the majority of sufferers who are not underweight?
And who have never been physically compromised
That story is almost never told
Because it's not sensational
There are no emaciated bodies
No pointy bones 
Or sharp angles 
The story of say the girl with bulimia
Who is a healthy weight 
Just doesn't capture the attention of an audience 
But as you wrote yesterday 
It's that story that needs to be told
So people are aware that EDs come in all shapes and sizes
Not just super skinny

I have stopped weighing myself 
My scales broke 
And I was weighing in my doctors surgery on a Monday
But I've stopped doing that now
Because it doesn't matter 
The number does not matter 
All I'm concerned about 
Is that I feel good
I feel strong 
I feel capable and able
My clothes fit
My hair and nails and skin are healthy
Unless I drastically lose or put on weight
I am not going to worry about it 
And you know what?
It is the best feeling in the world 
Letting go of that pressure and control
I feel like a weight has been lifted off me
Now I have so much to stay healthy for
So much to live for
I am no longer Ruby the anorectic/bulimic/addict
I am in recovery 
I am a work in progress
I am letting go of the ties that bound me
Unhealthy food habits
I was at a meeting yesterday
And after it
Someone came up to me
And said that it was really good listening to me
That made my day
Because now I feel I have something to offer the world 
I feel I can help others 
Be a good person 
And spread a message of hope
Because there is hope
There is always hope 
I feel so blessed for what I have in my life 
My family 
My dogs 
My friends 
I have such good and strong people around me 
I know I am more fortunate than most 

If you do one thing today
I urge you to recognise the good things in your life 
The people 
The pets 
The family and friends 
As ED sufferers 
We are so hard on ourselves 
It's time we have ourselves a break
And look to the positives in our lives
Weight has absolutely no correlation to happiness 
If it did 
Then I would have been deliriously happy at my lowest weight 
I wasn't 
Happiness is not a number
It's a state of mind 


  1. I'm really glad to read this ... though after your opening on M saying you were waiting for W (women) to do Mary and Mother, perhaps you will have W2 after you get to the end of the alphabet ;-)
    This was a nice post though :) and fits the sequence well.

    1. Oh sugar!
      You are right
      I was going to do a post on the women in my life
      I totally forgot
      I will definitely have to do that post again
      Thanks for the reminder! X

  2. Yes! Well done for ditching the scales again (although maybe them breaking was a sign... Weird how things happen like that!) Also I'm glad you decided not to go ahead with the article. If you want to do media, it should be on your terms, no one else's.

    Also proper impressed with the smoking. It's my personal struggle at the moment, so I admire people who manage to kick the habit.

    You're sounding far more positive right now.

    Anonymous was right, you didn't do 'women'! But plenty of time to write about that :)


    1. Yes Agnes
      It's just not for me
      And I feel it's the right decision

      I can't lie
      Giving up the smokes was tough
      And continues to be tough
      But it's so worth it

      I will definitely do that post soon x

  3. I'm really glad to read this Ruby. I was a bit worried when I first read yesterday's post. But everyone made good points, and I'm glad you've taken it on board and that it helped you decide not to go ahead.


    1. Yes Bella
      I feel I made the right decision for me
      And I'm sure other opportunities will come along x

  4. Oh your words should be gospel! Excellent post.
    I am one that struggles with my weight. I have for my entire life and I'm 53 now. I too have stopped weighing myself. I became a slave to the scale and no matter what it said, it was never low enough. My self-esteem and self-worth were tied to the number on the scale and it never made me happy. My personal trainer forbid me from getting on the scale because he saw what it was doing to me. I don't work out anymore and it shows. Now I really don't want to get on the scale! But I need to realize that the number on that scale does not make the person that I am. That number on the scale has robbed me of so much: it got in the way of my gratitude...and that makes for not a good existence.
    By all means, keep telling your story. I'll be back to listen...

    Thanks for sharing.

    Michele at Angels Bark

    1. Hi Michele and welcome!
      Thanks for stopping by and commenting
      I hope you are enjoying the challenge
      I'm on V today
      And I can't think of one word
      What are you doing for X? X

  5. Ditching the scale is a HUGE step in recovery. I know I've said it a million times, but the scale is f**king evil. Some people can recover and start weighing again, and some people can recover but never weigh again. I've gone four and a half years without knowing my weight and I honestly do not believe I will ever be able to step on a scale again and be able to be ok with the number. The scale could read 130 lbs or 90 lbs--it wouldn't matter, the ED would rear its ugly head and demand that I lose weight. I don't need the scale and its numbers and I don't want them either. For us, the number on the scale can only breed obsession and self destruction.

    The numbers don't matter. The weight doesn't matter. When you erase the scale and its numbers, you take away one of the ED's biggest ad strongest weapons. The ED thrives on weights and measures. Taking the scale away is a crushing blow against it. I hope you can keep the scale out of your life. You don't need it to measure your self worth. Just take a look at all who follow and comment on your blog and send you words of praise. You are worth listening to. You are worth the world's attention because you are you. Not because of any numbers.

    1. Aw thanks for your kind words Mich
      They mean an awful lot
      I totally agree
      Weighing and measuring is like fuel for our ED
      It's taken me a long time
      But now I don't want to know my weight anymore
      It's just a head f**k
      As long as I feel good
      That's all that matters x


Thank you for leaving some love x