Sunday, 20 May 2012

The day after the night before.....

Hello my dears,
I hope this post finds you all well.
I am so very tired today, tired but happy.
Our much anticipated show went ahead last night so I will share it with you.

My day did not start out well. I was a bundle of nervous energy and my good friend (yea right) bulimia made an unexpected appearance. 'I thought I gave you the day off'. 'You can't get rid of me that easily' she replied. So I binged and purged 4 times before lunch time. I inhaled the food even though it tasted vile. The bingeing and purging had to come to an end then as I had a busy day ahead. 2pm was our hair and makeup appointment. I got soft curls over one shoulder and a smoky eye with pillar box red lipstick. It felt strange being pampered and primped like that. I rarely get my hair and makeup done but I went with it and tried to enjoy it. As I looked in the mirror in the hair salon I could see my eating disorder staring back at me, pale skin, vacant eyes, limp hair and damaged teeth. Such a difference after the hair and war paint were done. I looked and felt like a  different person. I was starting to feel the part.

6pm we all gathered at the venue for last minute rehearsals. Then we changed into our costumes. As I posted before it was 1920's themed. My outfit was a black flapper dress complete with feather headband, mary jane shoes and cigarette holder. Before we knew it, it was 8pm and showtime.

First we did 2 group numbers to 'puttin' on the ritz' and 'aint that a kick in the head'. They went well and then it was time for our couples dance. We were third last so we waited nervously backstage. Then it was our turn. We danced to 'fatsam's grand slam' from the movie 'Bugsy Malone'. It was over in a flash and we were happy just to have got through it. Then 5 couples were recalled to dance again.
I was sure it wouldn't be us so we were shocked and thrilled when our names were called.
We gave it socks the second time around and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I f nothing else happened I was happy to have come this far.

The judges took their time making their decision but then it was time. In the end we came third overall and I couldn't have been happier. I was so happy for my partner as he couldn't dance when we started this 2 months ago and he had worked so hard. For me it was a victory of a different kind. I am notrious for starting things and not finishing them. This was the first thing in a long time that I had started something and seen it through to the end. Also finding the strength and confidence to dance again was difficult.

So there it was, a great night and a good result. One of the nicer moments of the night was when one of the other girls mother came up to me and told that she had spoken of me and said I was a lovely girl. That made my heart swell as I had always thought I was a bit of an outsider but maybe that's just in my head.

Today I am spending time with my family and bulimia seems to have disappeared. Don't hurry back now.

I hope all of you are well and thanks for the support and the good wishes. It was great to know all of you were behind me.

Much love to youxxx


  1. Gahh EDs do like to make an appearance when they are least wanted, don't they?
    I'm glad it went so well though! You should be proud of yourself for doing so well :) it sounds great fun and I bet you looked amazing!
    Lottie x

    1. Thank you sweetie,
      At least bulimia has taken the day off today so I can relax.

      Hope you are well,

      Lots of lovexxx

  2. Congrats on doing so well sweetie! That's great! And I'm trying to shove my ED out of my head for the day at least. Yay for an awesome night. Good job!

    1. Thanks Katie,

      I hope your ed gives you the day off too. You deserve some peace.

      Much lovexxx

  3. I am literally beaming with happiness and pride for you! I am so glad that the dance went well - congratulations on coming third, I am so happy that you enjoyed yourself! You should be very very proud and pleased with yourself, it was a big thing and you did it. I wish you all the love in the world, and I hope you have a nice time with your family. Dont think about the bad start, baby steps and you will get there. You are doing well! Lots of love my darling! xxx

    1. Thank you so much my dear,
      That means so much coming from you.
      Hope you are well and you're minding yourself.
      I'll be in touch soon.

      Much love to youxxx

  4. Congratulations! Im sure you were so amazing, i wish i coould have seen you ^^

  5. You are a nice girl. I believe even if you are quite people can sense when someone has a good spirit.

    I think your ed saw you trying to be strong and took over. Sometimes I feel like ed's are a separate personality sharing one body.

  6. Congratulations sweetheart!
    I am sure that girl comming up to you is right <3 You did such a good job. Keep it going.

  7. congrats!! Third place is really good ^^
    Sorry for the bulimia attacking you, but good if that was it. Keep away from it <3

    Stay positive!!

  8. Congratulations! I'm so glad it went well! xx


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